Gary Butterfield is an author, musician, and the host of Check It Out, Comrade!, Bonfireside Chat, Watch Out for Fireballs!, and others. Buy his book, Souls of Darkness.
September 29th, 2013 | 37 mins 57 secs
How can you capture something as fucking nutso as Ren and Stimpy in a game? We spend about 35 minutes figuring out that you can't do it with a monochrome spaceship where Log attacks you.
August 28th, 2013 | 32 mins 37 secs
We don't contend with mediocrity that often. So far, the closest we got was Pac Man 2, and that doesn't really count since it's so weird. Captain Skyhawk doesn't really belong here.
August 28th, 2013 | 35 mins 22 secs
We're somewhat convinced that Michael designed Mohawk and Headphone Jack specifically to be as unappealing as possible. Good job, Michael. You broke us.
August 14th, 2013 | 35 mins 57 secs
This is the singularity that happens when 1000 bad ideas try and cram their way into a premise that isn't promising. This is our first mascot platformer... any why not live life to the hilt?
July 31st, 2013 | 37 mins 14 secs
Kole has become unstuck in time. This is the epicenter of his primary dissonance: how can he be a 26 year old man, but appreciate Road Runner cartoons and Nick at Nite?
July 17th, 2013 | 33 mins 47 secs
Saving Private Ryan started out as a Where's Waldo film adaptation. True fact. But Spielberg descended into the heart of darkness, gradually turning Martin Handford's whimsical vision into a twisted hellscape of severed limbs and broken hearts.
July 2nd, 2013 | 32 mins 21 secs
Michael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don't worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders.
June 19th, 2013 | 30 mins 57 secs
It's an allegory for all of mankind's struggle for equality. What if you were born different? What if everyone was afraid of you? What if you were the worst NES game Abject Suffering has played yet?
June 5th, 2013 | 34 mins 44 secs
There aught to be a Chick Tract about Spellcraft. It tells you the reagents and processes necessary to do such awful things as Much to Stone and Return Home. What's this you say? You joust demons? I'll not hear of it.
May 29th, 2013 | 31 mins 53 secs
Routine errands beckon to you in a non-maze-like world. You are being mocked by a capricious god whose only mechanical means of influencing you are temptation and punishment. Can you feed your child and get to your finger-licious reward?
May 15th, 2013 | 32 mins 35 secs
So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
May 2nd, 2013 | 29 mins
Dick Dagger: It's more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It's what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.