Abject Suffering
Episode Archive
Episode Archive
275 episodes of Abject Suffering since the first episode, which aired on January 9th, 2013.
-
Episode 19: Mohawk and Headphone Jack
August 28th, 2013 | 35 mins 22 secs
We're somewhat convinced that Michael designed Mohawk and Headphone Jack specifically to be as unappealing as possible. Good job, Michael. You broke us.
-
Episode 18: Captain Skyhawk
August 28th, 2013 | 32 mins 37 secs
We don't contend with mediocrity that often. So far, the closest we got was Pac Man 2, and that doesn't really count since it's so weird. Captain Skyhawk doesn't really belong here.
-
Episode 17: Bubsy II
August 14th, 2013 | 35 mins 57 secs
This is the singularity that happens when 1000 bad ideas try and cram their way into a premise that isn't promising. This is our first mascot platformer... any why not live life to the hilt?
-
Episode 16: Road Runner's Death Valley Rally
July 31st, 2013 | 37 mins 14 secs
Kole has become unstuck in time. This is the epicenter of his primary dissonance: how can he be a 26 year old man, but appreciate Road Runner cartoons and Nick at Nite?
-
Episode 15: Where's Waldo?
July 17th, 2013 | 33 mins 47 secs
Saving Private Ryan started out as a Where's Waldo film adaptation. True fact. But Spielberg descended into the heart of darkness, gradually turning Martin Handford's whimsical vision into a twisted hellscape of severed limbs and broken hearts.
-
Episode 14: Michael Jackson's Moonwalker
July 2nd, 2013 | 32 mins 21 secs
Michael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don't worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders.
-
Episode 13: The Uncanny X-Men
June 19th, 2013 | 30 mins 57 secs
It's an allegory for all of mankind's struggle for equality. What if you were born different? What if everyone was afraid of you? What if you were the worst NES game Abject Suffering has played yet?
-
Episode 12: Spellcraft
June 5th, 2013 | 34 mins 44 secs
There aught to be a Chick Tract about Spellcraft. It tells you the reagents and processes necessary to do such awful things as Much to Stone and Return Home. What's this you say? You joust demons? I'll not hear of it.
-
Episode 11: Pac Man 2
May 29th, 2013 | 31 mins 53 secs
Routine errands beckon to you in a non-maze-like world. You are being mocked by a capricious god whose only mechanical means of influencing you are temptation and punishment. Can you feed your child and get to your finger-licious reward?
-
Episode 10: Wayne's World
May 15th, 2013 | 32 mins 35 secs
So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
-
Episode 9: Deadly Towers
May 2nd, 2013 | 29 mins
Dick Dagger: It's more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It's what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.
-
Episode 8: Jurassic Park
April 17th, 2013 | 34 mins 7 secs
Hey there, Clever Girls... are you ready to have a prepubescent crush on Laura Dern? We thought so. There really isn't a great Jurassic Park game, but the Genesis one is made of human butt.
-
Episode 7: Home Improvement
April 2nd, 2013 | 45 mins 6 secs
Auuegh!? What we need now is more power. Wilson is across the fence, and we should mow him down with our Binford=Taylor Hedge Trimmers, because that's the only way to the truth about what happened in my tragic head injury.
-
Episode 6: Shaq-Fu
March 20th, 2013 | 49 mins 11 secs
Shaq is baq, and he's on the attaq! Sucked into the Second World and tasked with saving a little Japanese boy, it's sure to be a shoq to his system. However, us qanny gamers will know how to guide him to victory against voodoo priestesses and, Carnage?
-
Episode 5: J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Volume 1
March 6th, 2013 | 37 mins 13 secs
I don't remember the part of Lord of the Rings where Frodo got a sword that would turn things into skeletons... let alone, I don't think he had it in Hobbitton. But that's the least of our worries, as we try and ignore the bitchin' tunes and talk about ho
-
Episode 4: Mike Tyson's Intergalactic Power Punch
February 20th, 2013 | 39 mins 41 secs
While just blog-checkin' on Tyson, we found this amazingly awful and weird game. Things take a turn for the serious as we talk about the ethics of professional sports, and how they relate to Space Jam.