{"version":"https://jsonfeed.org/version/1","title":"Abject Suffering","home_page_url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com","feed_url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/json","description":"This is a podcast that's nominally about bad games. In reality, it's about the horror of daily life, GameFAQs Gold, strange combatants in the battle of Good vs. Evil, and a singular patriarch known only as Crick. Every Monday, Gary Butterfield and Kole Ross choose a game at random from the titles submitted by listeners, play it, and venture off on a freeform discussion that winds between the topic at hand, and the absurd.","_fireside":{"subtitle":"Why are you doing this to us?","pubdate":"2025-04-28T12:00:00.000-04:00","explicit":true,"copyright":"2025 by Copyright 2022 by Duckfeed.tv","owner":"Duckfeed Productions LLC","image":"https://media24.fireside.fm/file/fireside-images-2024/podcasts/images/7/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cover.jpg?v=1"},"items":[{"id":"4866f797-66e4-4259-a1b6-8f3984d186ad","title":"607: James Cameron's Dark Angel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/607","content_text":"Given how many super soldiers there are out there, you’d think there would be more social support for them. Groups, meetings, organizations. Shit, did I just reinvent the Venture Bros. from first principles? Come in and find out!\n\n“Why is one of the hosts named differently? What happened!?” Kaye is transitioning! Find out more here.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGiven how many super soldiers there are out there, you’d think there would be more social support for them. Groups, meetings, organizations. Shit, did I just reinvent the Venture Bros. from first principles? Come in and find out!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e“Why is one of the hosts named differently? What happened!?” Kaye is transitioning! \u003ca href=\"https://www.patreon.com/posts/127161202\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eFind out more here.\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Given how many super soldiers there are out there, you’d think there would be more social support for them. Groups, meetings, organizations. Shit, did I just reinvent the Venture Bros. from first principles? Come in and find out!\r\n\r\n“Why is one of the hosts named differently? What happened!?” Kaye is transitioning! [Find out more here.](https://www.patreon.com/posts/127161202)","date_published":"2025-04-28T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4866f797-66e4-4259-a1b6-8f3984d186ad.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26107264,"duration_in_seconds":2175}]},{"id":"e063e837-6559-4f72-8225-9a4a9bebf095","title":"606: Jurassic Park (SNES)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/606","content_text":"This week a patron demand takes us into a discussion about a game that Gary likes quite a bit. The Jurassic Park SNES game is open world, mixed perspective, and overall a huge surprise, since Ocean doesn’t usually do work this interesting.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week a patron demand takes us into a discussion about a game that Gary likes quite a bit. The Jurassic Park SNES game is open world, mixed perspective, and overall a huge surprise, since Ocean doesn’t usually do work this interesting.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week a patron demand takes us into a discussion about a game that Gary likes quite a bit. The Jurassic Park SNES game is open world, mixed perspective, and overall a huge surprise, since Ocean doesn’t usually do work this interesting.","date_published":"2025-04-21T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e063e837-6559-4f72-8225-9a4a9bebf095.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30495232,"duration_in_seconds":2540}]},{"id":"f28ac48c-f59d-4eef-995a-fdbce68b47c3","title":"605: MegaRace","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/605","content_text":"It’s the future. You’re on a gameshow. You need to wipe out the speed gangs with vigilante car violence, murdering every last one of them… for real! But not really though. But really, it’s VR. But it’s LIKE death. But not death. We can’t emphasize enough how unlike and like real death this is.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt’s the future. You’re on a gameshow. You need to wipe out the speed gangs with vigilante car violence, murdering every last one of them… for real! But not really though. But really, it’s VR. But it’s LIKE death. But not death. We can’t emphasize enough how unlike and like real death this is.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It’s the future. You’re on a gameshow. You need to wipe out the speed gangs with vigilante car violence, murdering every last one of them… for real! But not really though. But really, it’s VR. But it’s LIKE death. But not death. We can’t emphasize enough how unlike and like real death this is.","date_published":"2025-04-14T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f28ac48c-f59d-4eef-995a-fdbce68b47c3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32036032,"duration_in_seconds":2669}]},{"id":"649e6a62-64a3-473b-a5cf-af4e6713725a","title":"604: Dennis Miller: That's News to Me","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/604","content_text":"Cybermania ‘94 [See Adaptation Decay 97, true believers!-- Grinning Gwen] reminded us that there’s a Dennis Miller game on the 3DO. And we figured we might as well take a deep dive into a guy who sucks, via talking about a very strange multimedia product from the nineties.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCybermania ‘94 [See Adaptation Decay 97, true believers!-- Grinning Gwen] reminded us that there’s a Dennis Miller game on the 3DO. And we figured we might as well take a deep dive into a guy who sucks, via talking about a very strange multimedia product from the nineties.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cybermania ‘94 reminded us that there’s a Dennis Miller game on the 3DO. And we figured we might as well take a deep dive into a guy who sucks, via talking about a very strange multimedia product from the nineties.","date_published":"2025-04-07T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/649e6a62-64a3-473b-a5cf-af4e6713725a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26117632,"duration_in_seconds":2176}]},{"id":"3d5d2cf8-0cdb-4d0e-8202-507e6f3816ab","title":"603: Tony Hawk's Underground 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/603","content_text":"We’ll be honest, this isn’t a bad game. A Tony Hawk game will generally have a high floor for quality, unless it’s Downhill Jam or something. No, this is here because you voted for it, and it’s also the most Bam Margera you’re going to get in a video game by volume. And though we love Jackass, there’s a lot to dislike about ol’ Bam Bam himself.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe’ll be honest, this isn’t a bad game. A Tony Hawk game will generally have a high floor for quality, unless it’s Downhill Jam or something. No, this is here because you voted for it, and it’s also the most Bam Margera you’re going to get in a video game by volume. And though we love Jackass, there’s a lot to dislike about ol’ Bam Bam himself.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We’ll be honest, this isn’t a bad game. A Tony Hawk game will generally have a high floor for quality, unless it’s Downhill Jam or something. No, this is here because you voted for it, and it’s also the most Bam Margera you’re going to get in a video game by volume. And though we love Jackass, there’s a lot to dislike about ol’ Bam Bam himself.","date_published":"2025-03-31T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3d5d2cf8-0cdb-4d0e-8202-507e6f3816ab.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29362528,"duration_in_seconds":2446}]},{"id":"3923525d-27a2-4f19-ad7a-d51d97128782","title":"602: Popstar Guitar","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/602","content_text":"A sub-par Guitar Hero clone that doesn't list band names or anything. Just shitty, shitty covers of pop songs.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA sub-par Guitar Hero clone that doesn\u0026#39;t list band names or anything. Just shitty, shitty covers of pop songs.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A sub-par Guitar Hero clone that doesn't list band names or anything. Just shitty, shitty covers of pop songs.","date_published":"2025-03-24T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3923525d-27a2-4f19-ad7a-d51d97128782.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25697728,"duration_in_seconds":2141}]},{"id":"5e93db88-39ca-47b8-8737-e98f54a83e53","title":"601: Pigskin 621 AD","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/601","content_text":"What would it take to get you interested in football? Knights? Ogres? Vikings? Oh, none of the above… Well, you’re going to be very disappointed with this week’s game then. We’ll work on making tennis cooler next.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat would it take to get you interested in football? Knights? Ogres? Vikings? Oh, none of the above… Well, you’re going to be very disappointed with this week’s game then. We’ll work on making tennis cooler next.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What would it take to get you interested in football? Knights? Ogres? Vikings? Oh, none of the above… Well, you’re going to be very disappointed with this week’s game then. We’ll work on making tennis cooler next.","date_published":"2025-03-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5e93db88-39ca-47b8-8737-e98f54a83e53.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27544096,"duration_in_seconds":2295}]},{"id":"1226e279-f409-470c-9191-a9aaed808420","title":"600: Tiger Handheld Electronics","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/600","content_text":"For our very special 600th episode, we talk about the most video game-shaped thing you could get that wasn’t a video game: the Tiger Handheld Electronics game. These heavily licensed consolation prizes were barely interactive, made heinous noises, and were ubiquitous in the early nineties. You can play many of them on the Internet Archive, but why would you?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFor our very special 600th episode, we talk about the most video game-shaped thing you could get that wasn’t a video game: the Tiger Handheld Electronics game. These heavily licensed consolation prizes were barely interactive, made heinous noises, and were ubiquitous in the early nineties. You can play many of them on the Internet Archive, but why would you?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"For our very special 600th episode, we talk about the most video game-shaped thing you could get that wasn’t a video game: the Tiger Handheld Electronics game. These heavily licensed consolation prizes were barely interactive, made heinous noises, and were ubiquitous in the early nineties. You can play many of them on the Internet Archive, but why would you?","date_published":"2025-03-10T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1226e279-f409-470c-9191-a9aaed808420.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22919392,"duration_in_seconds":1909}]},{"id":"cf9e1f55-22ff-4188-965c-76aa9fabd7e7","title":"599: Tuneland Starring Howie Mandel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/599","content_text":"Did you know that Howie Mandel made a series of kids games? Did you know that the music was a collaboration between artists from Pink Floyd, Yes, the Doobie Brothers, and Supertramp? If you did, that’s a very strange thing to know.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDid you know that Howie Mandel made a series of kids games? Did you know that the music was a collaboration between artists from Pink Floyd, Yes, the Doobie Brothers, and Supertramp? If you did, that’s a very strange thing to know.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Did you know that Howie Mandel made a series of kids games? Did you know that the music was a collaboration between artists from Pink Floyd, Yes, the Doobie Brothers, and Supertramp? If you did, that’s a very strange thing to know.","date_published":"2025-03-03T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cf9e1f55-22ff-4188-965c-76aa9fabd7e7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25194592,"duration_in_seconds":2099}]},{"id":"44649f18-1f31-42ff-bf41-aa32a3096e2f","title":"598: Get the Girl","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/598","content_text":"When you're a teen, you do stupid things. You might drive recklessly, you might make some off-color jokes you won't be proud of later, or you might make a dating sim with your friends that will be on the internet forever. That's the case with Get the Girl, a DOS quiz game by a group of teens who have a very tenuous grasp on how to interact with women.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhen you\u0026#39;re a teen, you do stupid things. You might drive recklessly, you might make some off-color jokes you won\u0026#39;t be proud of later, or you might make a dating sim with your friends that will be on the internet forever. That\u0026#39;s the case with Get the Girl, a DOS quiz game by a group of teens who have a very tenuous grasp on how to interact with women.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2025-02-25T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/44649f18-1f31-42ff-bf41-aa32a3096e2f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32996992,"duration_in_seconds":2062}]},{"id":"1e17c955-68be-4f89-99c1-9c5ba42eb04c","title":"We've improved the way you get our premium episodes!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/multifeed","content_text":"This episode is a quick announcement to let you know that the way you get Duckfeed's premium content is changing.\n\nPatreon now offers individual feeds of all of our backer-only shows. This gives you control over what your podcast player downloads, and what you ultimately listen to. Since Patreon itself has this feature, we will no longer be using the individual show feeds on Fireside for our premium content. Those feeds will no longer be updated.\n\nHere's what you need to do: You will now need to subscribe to each show you want to listen to individually through Patreon. The process is very simple, just go to the Membership tab on our Patreon page. I've also created a detailed guide for you in the pinned post on our Patreon page.\n\nThe delivery of public episodes isn't changing at this time. (So to get both the public and premium episodes of Watch Out for Fireballs!, you will need to subscribe to both the feed provided on Patreon and the public feed on watchoutforfireballs.com. I apologize for this duplication, there just isn't a way to handle it better at the moment).\n\nVery little else is changing at the moment. You will still get email notifications about every episode we post, regardless of what shows you subscribe to.\n\nIf you miss the combined feed of all of our shows, what we called the firehose, we're sorry that it went away. You can recreate the effect either by using an RSS feed combiner service, or using features in the podcast app you already use to group shows together into one list of episodes. This feature is called Stations in Apple Podcasts, Overcast calls it Smart Playlists, Podcast Addict calls it Playlists. Pocketcasts doesn't have an option for this as far as I know.\n\nPatreon's multi-show RSS feature is still in testing, and there may be hiccups. This is also just one of many changes Patreon is making to make podcasting on their platform better for everyone, so expect more features in the near future. If you have any feedback about the experience, please write at info@duckfeed.tv.\n\nTo sweeten the pot if this change makes you want to back us for the first time, or to become a patron again, use the code MULTIFEED (all one word) to get 20% off the first month of a new subscription.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis episode is a quick announcement to let you know that the way you get Duckfeed\u0026#39;s premium content is changing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePatreon now offers individual feeds of all of our backer-only shows. This gives you control over what your podcast player downloads, and what you ultimately listen to. Since Patreon itself has this feature, we will no longer be using the individual show feeds on Fireside for our premium content. Those feeds will no longer be updated.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHere\u0026#39;s what you need to do: You will now need to subscribe to each show you want to listen to individually through Patreon. The process is very simple, just go to the Membership tab on our Patreon page. \u003ca href=\"https://www.patreon.com/posts/122629571\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eI\u0026#39;ve also created a detailed guide for you in the pinned post on our Patreon page.\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe delivery of public episodes isn\u0026#39;t changing at this time. (So to get both the public and premium episodes of Watch Out for Fireballs!, you will need to subscribe to both the feed provided on Patreon and the public feed on watchoutforfireballs.com. I apologize for this duplication, there just isn\u0026#39;t a way to handle it better at the moment).\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVery little else is changing at the moment. You will still get email notifications about every episode we post, regardless of what shows you subscribe to.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIf you miss the combined feed of all of our shows, what we called the firehose, we\u0026#39;re sorry that it went away. You can recreate the effect either by using an RSS feed combiner service, or using features in the podcast app you already use to group shows together into one list of episodes. This feature is called Stations in Apple Podcasts, Overcast calls it Smart Playlists, Podcast Addict calls it Playlists. Pocketcasts doesn\u0026#39;t have an option for this as far as I know.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePatreon\u0026#39;s multi-show RSS feature is still in testing, and there may be hiccups. This is also just one of many changes Patreon is making to make podcasting on their platform better for everyone, so expect more features in the near future. If you have any feedback about the experience, please write at \u003ca href=\"mailto:info@duckfeed.tv\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003einfo@duckfeed.tv\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo sweeten the pot if this change makes you want to back us for the first time, or to become a patron again, use the code MULTIFEED (all one word) to get 20% off the first month of a new subscription.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2025-02-19T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1e17c955-68be-4f89-99c1-9c5ba42eb04c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":5813632,"duration_in_seconds":242}]},{"id":"099bc911-a9a8-432a-abc8-2538a8186411","title":"597: Herc's Adventures","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/597","content_text":"Hey folks, Herc’s Adventures is actually kind of a good game. Made by the Zombies Ate My Neighbors team at LucasArts, it expands on that formula with some neat ideas like its novel death mechanic and its open world. But to be honest, a lot of this episode is informed by residual Guppy Energy left over from recording the Sonic 3 Adaptation Decay with Will.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHey folks, Herc’s Adventures is actually kind of a good game. Made by the Zombies Ate My Neighbors team at LucasArts, it expands on that formula with some neat ideas like its novel death mechanic and its open world. But to be honest, a lot of this episode is informed by residual Guppy Energy left over from recording the Sonic 3 Adaptation Decay with Will.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hey folks, Herc’s Adventures is actually kind of a good game. Made by the Zombies Ate My Neighbors team at LucasArts, it expands on that formula with some neat ideas like its novel death mechanic and its open world. But to be honest, a lot of this episode is informed by residual Guppy Energy left over from recording the Sonic 3 Adaptation Decay with Will.","date_published":"2025-02-17T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/099bc911-a9a8-432a-abc8-2538a8186411.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26462944,"duration_in_seconds":2204}]},{"id":"3b97afc1-fcff-402e-bd5b-c12cdef57ca9","title":"596: Big Rig","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/596","content_text":"Once you’ve played Lemonade Stand, you start seeing Lemonade Stand everywhere. This week’s game is like that, but the Lemonade is trucks. And the rainy day is a drunk driver careening into you for no reason, ending your cross country haul. Which inspires us to rank vehicles by how scary they would be to drive.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOnce you’ve played Lemonade Stand, you start seeing Lemonade Stand everywhere. This week’s game is like that, but the Lemonade is trucks. And the rainy day is a drunk driver careening into you for no reason, ending your cross country haul. Which inspires us to rank vehicles by how scary they would be to drive.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Once you’ve played Lemonade Stand, you start seeing Lemonade Stand everywhere. This week’s game is like that, but the Lemonade is trucks. And the rainy day is a drunk driver careening into you for no reason, ending your cross country haul. Which inspires us to rank vehicles by how scary they would be to drive.","date_published":"2025-02-10T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3b97afc1-fcff-402e-bd5b-c12cdef57ca9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27217504,"duration_in_seconds":2267}]},{"id":"a4885f8f-9cdc-461e-9e16-5b52782d0e02","title":"595: OnlyCans: Thirst Date","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/595","content_text":"Everyone’s seen the warning they put on cans of soda: Don’t photograph this or it will ejaculate all over the place. That universally acknowledged fact is the basis for the joke of OnlyCans: Thirst Date, a free comedy game where you take pictures of sexualized pop cans and are graded on how good they cum.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEveryone’s seen the warning they put on cans of soda: Don’t photograph this or it will ejaculate all over the place. That universally acknowledged fact is the basis for the joke of OnlyCans: Thirst Date, a free comedy game where you take pictures of sexualized pop cans and are graded on how good they cum.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Everyone’s seen the warning they put on cans of soda: Don’t photograph this or it will ejaculate all over the place. That universally acknowledged fact is the basis for the joke of OnlyCans: Thirst Date, a free comedy game where you take pictures of sexualized pop cans and are graded on how good they cum.","date_published":"2025-02-03T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a4885f8f-9cdc-461e-9e16-5b52782d0e02.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26530912,"duration_in_seconds":2210}]},{"id":"a786d934-03dc-4e6f-9ec4-97a27d65e4d7","title":"594: Cat in the Hat","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/594","content_text":"Honestly, how did we go so long without talking about this? The Cat in the Hat is an infamously bad movie, and stories about its botched production are how we learned that Mike Myers is a real dick. Which is a shame, given the Wayne’s World of it all. The biggest surprise here is that the game, a 2.5D platformer, isn’t terrible.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHonestly, how did we go so long without talking about this? The Cat in the Hat is an infamously bad movie, and stories about its botched production are how we learned that Mike Myers is a real dick. Which is a shame, given the Wayne’s World of it all. The biggest surprise here is that the game, a 2.5D platformer, isn’t terrible.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Honestly, how did we go so long without talking about this? The Cat in the Hat is an infamously bad movie, and stories about its botched production are how we learned that Mike Myers is a real dick. Which is a shame, given the Wayne’s World of it all. The biggest surprise here is that the game, a 2.5D platformer, isn’t terrible.","date_published":"2025-01-27T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a786d934-03dc-4e6f-9ec4-97a27d65e4d7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26058304,"duration_in_seconds":2171}]},{"id":"f4416663-50aa-4a4d-8882-322b9bf3196c","title":"593: Virtua Cop","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/593","content_text":"A patron demanded that we talk about a kinda good game, played incorrectly. Virtua Cop was genuinely impressive not because of its 3D graphics, but because for the first time enemies would animate and move and not just be pop up animated gif targets. Honestly, that’s probably enough, though you really want to play this in the arcade.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA patron demanded that we talk about a kinda good game, played incorrectly. Virtua Cop was genuinely impressive not because of its 3D graphics, but because for the first time enemies would animate and move and not just be pop up animated gif targets. Honestly, that’s probably enough, though you really want to play this in the arcade.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A patron demanded that we talk about a kinda good game, played incorrectly. Virtua Cop was genuinely impressive not because of its 3D graphics, but because for the first time enemies would animate and move and not just be pop up animated gif targets. Honestly, that’s probably enough, though you really want to play this in the arcade.","date_published":"2025-01-20T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f4416663-50aa-4a4d-8882-322b9bf3196c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25040224,"duration_in_seconds":2086}]},{"id":"ed106462-b46c-4cea-99d4-f76adf431a47","title":"592: Rocky Rodent","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/592","content_text":"Rocky Rodent is a dine-and-dashing menace, and one of the most unsavory-looking characters we’ve discussed on this show. Everything about this IREM Sonic clone is off, in the way SNES slop tends to be. We also talk about ringmaster and bellhop uniforms, for some reason.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRocky Rodent is a dine-and-dashing menace, and one of the most unsavory-looking characters we’ve discussed on this show. Everything about this IREM Sonic clone is off, in the way SNES slop tends to be. We also talk about ringmaster and bellhop uniforms, for some reason.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Rocky Rodent is a dine-and-dashing menace, and one of the most unsavory-looking characters we’ve discussed on this show. Everything about this IREM Sonic clone is off, in the way SNES slop tends to be. We also talk about ringmaster and bellhop uniforms, for some reason.","date_published":"2025-01-13T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ed106462-b46c-4cea-99d4-f76adf431a47.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27750592,"duration_in_seconds":2312}]},{"id":"c54105d4-3777-43a7-8be3-ce4abb249bd7","title":"591: Spider Man: City Raid","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/591","content_text":"You likely don’t know what Spider-Man: City Raid is. It’s not a big budget title like the the Activision movie tie-ins or the recent Insomniac titles. In fact, it has no official license at all. It’s a Flash game made purely for the love of Spider-Man, and the Ram Jam song “Black Betty” for some reason.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou likely don’t know what Spider-Man: City Raid is. It’s not a big budget title like the the Activision movie tie-ins or the recent Insomniac titles. In fact, it has no official license at all. It’s a Flash game made purely for the love of Spider-Man, and the Ram Jam song “Black Betty” for some reason.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You likely don’t know what Spider-Man: City Raid is. It’s not a big budget title like the the Activision movie tie-ins or the recent Insomniac titles. In fact, it has no official license at all. It’s a Flash game made purely for the love of Spider-Man, and the Ram Jam song “Black Betty” for some reason.","date_published":"2025-01-06T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c54105d4-3777-43a7-8be3-ce4abb249bd7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25141024,"duration_in_seconds":2094}]},{"id":"d3dfa0ee-a07a-4021-ad57-2f101b08f2d9","title":"590: Home Alone (PS2)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/590","content_text":"This week we talk about the little-known PS2 game adaptation of Home Alone, a Christmas classic that was already super old in 2006 when this came out. But honestly, there’s very little there to talk about. Instead, we camp out on the taxonomical horror of a picture of corndogs Gary took ten years ago. Here’s the photo: https://bsky.app/profile/garybutterfield.bsky.social/post/3ldi4heqxj22c","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week we talk about the little-known PS2 game adaptation of Home Alone, a Christmas classic that was already super old in 2006 when this came out. But honestly, there’s very little there to talk about. Instead, we camp out on the taxonomical horror of a picture of corndogs Gary took ten years ago. Here’s the photo: \u003ca href=\"https://bsky.app/profile/garybutterfield.bsky.social/post/3ldi4heqxj22c\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003ehttps://bsky.app/profile/garybutterfield.bsky.social/post/3ldi4heqxj22c\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week we talk about the little-known PS2 game adaptation of Home Alone, a Christmas classic that was already super old in 2006 when this came out. But honestly, there’s very little there to talk about. Instead, we camp out on the taxonomical horror of a picture of corndogs Gary took ten years ago. Here’s the photo: https://bsky.app/profile/garybutterfield.bsky.social/post/3ldi4heqxj22c","date_published":"2024-12-30T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d3dfa0ee-a07a-4021-ad57-2f101b08f2d9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29835424,"duration_in_seconds":2485}]},{"id":"df028301-3e59-4224-8da5-8f528d7e6028","title":"589: Inspector Gadget","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/589","content_text":"What is the meaning of Inspector Gadget? Is he basically a cyberzombie, which would explain the bungling? In which ball is the essence stored? This mostly on-topic episode is not afraid to ask the important and hard-hitting questions about this awful metal man.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat is the meaning of Inspector Gadget? Is he basically a cyberzombie, which would explain the bungling? In which ball is the essence stored? This mostly on-topic episode is not afraid to ask the important and hard-hitting questions about this awful metal man.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What is the meaning of Inspector Gadget? Is he basically a cyberzombie, which would explain the bungling? In which ball is the essence stored? This mostly on-topic episode is not afraid to ask the important and hard-hitting questions about this awful metal man.","date_published":"2024-12-23T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/df028301-3e59-4224-8da5-8f528d7e6028.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25643008,"duration_in_seconds":2136}]},{"id":"0323eec7-9b53-4b1c-a9f4-05959caed786","title":"588: Bubble Bobble Revolution","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/588","content_text":"Bubble Bobble is elemental! How could you screw it up? Well, they found a way. Bubble Bobble Revolution isn’t just bad because it’s nonfunctional… even if you could get past level 30, it would still be an ugly game that feels bad in your hands. But there isn’t much to say beyond that, so enjoy a meandering talk about what the existence of the Costco Guys says about our chances of the world getting better, ever.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBubble Bobble is elemental! How could you screw it up? Well, they found a way. Bubble Bobble Revolution isn’t just bad because it’s nonfunctional… even if you could get past level 30, it would still be an ugly game that feels bad in your hands. But there isn’t much to say beyond that, so enjoy a meandering talk about what the existence of the Costco Guys says about our chances of the world getting better, ever.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Bubble Bobble is elemental! How could you screw it up? Well, they found a way. Bubble Bobble Revolution isn’t just bad because it’s nonfunctional… even if you could get past level 30, it would still be an ugly game that feels bad in your hands. But there isn’t much to say beyond that, so enjoy a meandering talk about what the existence of the Costco Guys says about our chances of the world getting better, ever.","date_published":"2024-12-16T10:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0323eec7-9b53-4b1c-a9f4-05959caed786.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33062752,"duration_in_seconds":2754}]},{"id":"4eeae409-defe-40c3-b76e-480160630da2","title":"587: The Brainies","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/587","content_text":"With a name like The Brainies, you know Gary brought this game to the show. He’s been on a tireless search for new Zoombinis, new Babos, new Creatures… any annoying little guy to dunk on. The problem is, the Brainies don’t got the sauce. And they might be kinda racist?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWith a name like The Brainies, you know Gary brought this game to the show. He’s been on a tireless search for new Zoombinis, new Babos, new Creatures… any annoying little guy to dunk on. The problem is, the Brainies don’t got the sauce. And they might be kinda racist?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"With a name like The Brainies, you know Gary brought this game to the show. He’s been on a tireless search for new Zoombinis, new Babos, new Creatures… any annoying little guy to dunk on. The problem is, the Brainies don’t got the sauce. And they might be kinda racist?","date_published":"2024-12-09T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4eeae409-defe-40c3-b76e-480160630da2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25945984,"duration_in_seconds":2161}]},{"id":"b0562ee6-64ee-4d97-82e6-110c1404d356","title":"586: Poker Night 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/586","content_text":"Poker Night 2 is a perfectly fine concept for a game, featuring beloved characters playing Texas Hold ‘Em after dark. Brock Sampson, Ash Williams, and Sam from Sam \u0026amp; Max are all delightful in their own right and you wouldn’t be blamed for wanting to hear their quips.\n\nAnd then along comes Claptrap.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePoker Night 2 is a perfectly fine concept for a game, featuring beloved characters playing Texas Hold ‘Em after dark. Brock Sampson, Ash Williams, and Sam from Sam \u0026amp; Max are all delightful in their own right and you wouldn’t be blamed for wanting to hear their quips.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then along comes Claptrap.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Poker Night 2 is a perfectly fine concept for a game, featuring beloved characters playing Texas Hold ‘Em after dark. Brock Sampson, Ash Williams, and Sam from Sam \u0026 Max are all delightful in their own right and you wouldn’t be blamed for wanting to hear their quips.\r\n\r\nAnd then along comes Claptrap.","date_published":"2024-12-02T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b0562ee6-64ee-4d97-82e6-110c1404d356.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26793568,"duration_in_seconds":2232}]},{"id":"f3733825-848a-4011-a71a-a0df982b337e","title":"585: Pink Goes to Hollywood","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/585","content_text":"We’ve gotten mad at a lot of things on this show. Some of them just, some of them goofy. This might be the maddest we’ve gotten recently, trying to figure out what the Pink Panther’s whole deal is. Why has he been an enduring character? What does he even do? There’s zero information online, but this fucker is everywhere and someone needs to answer for it.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe’ve gotten mad at a lot of things on this show. Some of them just, some of them goofy. This might be the maddest we’ve gotten recently, trying to figure out what the Pink Panther’s whole deal is. Why has he been an enduring character? What does he even do? There’s zero information online, but this fucker is everywhere and someone needs to answer for it.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We’ve gotten mad at a lot of things on this show. Some of them just, some of them goofy. This might be the maddest we’ve gotten recently, trying to figure out what the Pink Panther’s whole deal is. Why has he been an enduring character? What does he even do? There’s zero information online, but this fucker is everywhere and someone needs to answer for it.","date_published":"2024-11-25T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f3733825-848a-4011-a71a-a0df982b337e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27377344,"duration_in_seconds":2281}]},{"id":"98490f04-0ecf-4f4e-9068-753d7caa13e2","title":"584: Shark Tale","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/584","content_text":"Shark Tale is a notoriously crappy DreamWorks movie, which is already a deck with a lot of low cards. But DreamWorks had this habit of making good-looking licensed games based off of these movies, and for some reason they are kinda beloved. That is a false idea, though. It’s a bad thing to believe, that this could have been good.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eShark Tale is a notoriously crappy DreamWorks movie, which is already a deck with a lot of low cards. But DreamWorks had this habit of making good-looking licensed games based off of these movies, and for some reason they are kinda beloved. That is a false idea, though. It’s a bad thing to believe, that this could have been good.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Shark Tale is a notoriously crappy DreamWorks movie, which is already a deck with a lot of low cards. But DreamWorks had this habit of making good-looking licensed games based off of these movies, and for some reason they are kinda beloved. That is a false idea, though. It’s a bad thing to believe, that this could have been good.","date_published":"2024-11-19T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/98490f04-0ecf-4f4e-9068-753d7caa13e2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24721408,"duration_in_seconds":2059}]},{"id":"8379aba5-09bf-48fb-bc96-41c79bd4ac88","title":"583: Hollywood Squares","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/583","content_text":"The NES saw a glut of games adapting popular gameshows, most of them developed by Rare. Improbably, Hollywood Squares is one of the more functional ones… albeit with some cuts. Gone are the stars! There’s nothing Hollywood about this! Additionally, Kole brings a chilling secondhand anecdote that might actually just be a straight up bummer.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe NES saw a glut of games adapting popular gameshows, most of them developed by Rare. Improbably, Hollywood Squares is one of the more functional ones… albeit with some cuts. Gone are the stars! There’s nothing Hollywood about this! Additionally, Kole brings a chilling secondhand anecdote that might actually just be a straight up bummer.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The NES saw a glut of games adapting popular gameshows, most of them developed by Rare. Improbably, Hollywood Squares is one of the more functional ones… albeit with some cuts. Gone are the stars! There’s nothing Hollywood about this! Additionally, Kole brings a chilling secondhand anecdote that might actually just be a straight up bummer.","date_published":"2024-11-11T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8379aba5-09bf-48fb-bc96-41c79bd4ac88.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26354368,"duration_in_seconds":2195}]},{"id":"2f1962d2-4c7e-4cec-8e63-57c8b2f67447","title":"582: O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/582","content_text":"O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying is a game with a confusing title. The O.D.T. is short for O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying or Die Trying. It’s a botched attempt at a Tomb Raider-like third person action game with theming and a story that are sure to put you to sleep. So we instead talk about how unfair the concept of Mario and Sonic competing in the Olympic Games would be.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eO.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying is a game with a confusing title. The O.D.T. is short for O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying or Die Trying. It’s a botched attempt at a Tomb Raider-like third person action game with theming and a story that are sure to put you to sleep. So we instead talk about how unfair the concept of Mario and Sonic competing in the Olympic Games would be.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying is a game with a confusing title. The O.D.T. is short for O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying or Die Trying. It’s a botched attempt at a Tomb Raider-like third person action game with theming and a story that are sure to put you to sleep. So we instead talk about how unfair the concept of Mario and Sonic competing in the Olympic Games would be.","date_published":"2024-11-04T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2f1962d2-4c7e-4cec-8e63-57c8b2f67447.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26971264,"duration_in_seconds":2247}]},{"id":"dff9d2f6-2a7d-4ed3-be09-a605d84fcdb5","title":"581: ALF","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/581","content_text":"It’s bizarre that we haven’t done an episode about the Alf game for the Sega Master System, but we have a good excuse: We were completely sure that we’d already done it. This famously bad game is a poor adaptation about everyone’s favorite fish-out-of-water sitcom about a fuzzy alien who lives with a family who barely tolerates him. However, it does accurately depict how miserable it was to MAKE the show Alf.\n\nALF Horror Recut: https://youtu.be/-BTRlkj01oc?list=PLl2UPRj734xpoXza_nOt6G-TjiWxXk9-A","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt’s bizarre that we haven’t done an episode about the Alf game for the Sega Master System, but we have a good excuse: We were completely sure that we’d already done it. This famously bad game is a poor adaptation about everyone’s favorite fish-out-of-water sitcom about a fuzzy alien who lives with a family who barely tolerates him. However, it does accurately depict how miserable it was to MAKE the show Alf.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eALF Horror Recut: \u003ca href=\"https://youtu.be/-BTRlkj01oc?list=PLl2UPRj734xpoXza_nOt6G-TjiWxXk9-A\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003ehttps://youtu.be/-BTRlkj01oc?list=PLl2UPRj734xpoXza_nOt6G-TjiWxXk9-A\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It’s bizarre that we haven’t done an episode about the Alf game for the Sega Master System, but we have a good excuse: We were completely sure that we’d already done it. This famously bad game is a poor adaptation about everyone’s favorite fish-out-of-water sitcom about a fuzzy alien who lives with a family who barely tolerates him. However, it does accurately depict how miserable it was to MAKE the show Alf.","date_published":"2024-10-30T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dff9d2f6-2a7d-4ed3-be09-a605d84fcdb5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28726912,"duration_in_seconds":2393}]},{"id":"e7e588d6-cea2-4ef7-8278-d5ea3fc6b984","title":"580: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/580","content_text":"In what amounts to a backdoor episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!, this listener-demanded discussion of the Return of the King game for Game Boy Advance has us mostly talking about how we would have enjoyed having this portable Diablo-like back in the day. We also talk about the Lord of the Rings’ cinematic legacy, and put 60 seconds on the clock for a Rebuttalfield about not being a weird crank about Trick or Treating teens.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn what amounts to a backdoor episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!, this listener-demanded discussion of the Return of the King game for Game Boy Advance has us mostly talking about how we would have enjoyed having this portable Diablo-like back in the day. We also talk about the Lord of the Rings’ cinematic legacy, and put 60 seconds on the clock for a Rebuttalfield about not being a weird crank about Trick or Treating teens.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In what amounts to a backdoor episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!, this listener-demanded discussion of the Return of the King game for Game Boy Advance has us mostly talking about how we would have enjoyed having this portable Diablo-like back in the day. We also talk about the Lord of the Rings’ cinematic legacy, and put 60 seconds on the clock for a Rebuttalfield about not being a weird crank about Trick or Treating teens.","date_published":"2024-10-22T22:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e7e588d6-cea2-4ef7-8278-d5ea3fc6b984.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29402848,"duration_in_seconds":2449}]},{"id":"42d54bac-9545-4268-9636-7a13ff2e3854","title":"579: M\u0026M’s Beach Party","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/579","content_text":"M\u0026amp;M’s Beach Party for the Wii is one of the more anemic minigame collections we’ve covered, and we’ve already done deep dives into M\u0026amp;M’s lore… So this week we pitch a new M\u0026amp;M’s character: a grey M\u0026amp;M with a cashew sticking out of it, named Hercules PoundClit. He’s a sensitive, masculine man who exists to make the ladies swoon.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eM\u0026amp;M’s Beach Party for the Wii is one of the more anemic minigame collections we’ve covered, and we’ve already done deep dives into M\u0026amp;M’s lore… So this week we pitch a new M\u0026amp;M’s character: a grey M\u0026amp;M with a cashew sticking out of it, named Hercules PoundClit. He’s a sensitive, masculine man who exists to make the ladies swoon.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"M\u0026M’s Beach Party for the Wii is one of the more anemic minigame collections we’ve covered, and we’ve already done deep dives into M\u0026M’s lore… So this week we pitch a new M\u0026M’s character: a grey M\u0026M with a cashew sticking out of it, named Hercules PoundClit. He’s a sensitive, masculine man who exists to make the ladies swoon.","date_published":"2024-10-15T21:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/42d54bac-9545-4268-9636-7a13ff2e3854.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26151040,"duration_in_seconds":2178}]},{"id":"33de5541-a1c2-4572-85b2-20dd5393dbc1","title":"578: Faselei","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/578","content_text":"The word “faselei” means “babble” in German, which is a better description of this podcast than this game. Faselei!, our first Neo Geo Pocket Color game, is actually kind of neat… a turn-based tactics game with a very unique action system. The problem is, it’s about mechs… about which we have little to say. So instead we talk about inhalants, that wonderful feeling of finally identifying a half-remembered game from your childhood, and the bizarre ceremony of hockey games.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe word “faselei” means “babble” in German, which is a better description of this podcast than this game. Faselei!, our first Neo Geo Pocket Color game, is actually kind of neat… a turn-based tactics game with a very unique action system. The problem is, it’s about mechs… about which we have little to say. So instead we talk about inhalants, that wonderful feeling of finally identifying a half-remembered game from your childhood, and the bizarre ceremony of hockey games.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The word “faselei” means “babble” in German, which is a better description of this podcast than this game. Faselei!, our first Neo Geo Pocket Color game, is actually kind of neat… a turn-based tactics game with a very unique action system. The problem is, it’s about mechs… about which we have little to say. So instead we talk about inhalants, that wonderful feeling of finally identifying a half-remembered game from your childhood, and the bizarre ceremony of hockey games.","date_published":"2024-10-08T02:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/33de5541-a1c2-4572-85b2-20dd5393dbc1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26855488,"duration_in_seconds":2237}]},{"id":"6aaecff2-6406-49df-ab6a-27dc9ce86fd2","title":"577: Drac's Night Out","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/577","content_text":"If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.","date_published":"2024-09-30T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6aaecff2-6406-49df-ab6a-27dc9ce86fd2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27750304,"duration_in_seconds":2312}]},{"id":"65bc63f1-868b-46b2-ae25-a51fbc572bf2","title":"576: V.I.P.","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/576","content_text":"Pamela Anderson was everywhere in the 90s, as a sex symbol and an object of ridicule. And none of her projects is more forgotten than V.I.P., the show where she bumbles into starting a bodyguard agency for the stars. And now, you, can fulfill your lifelong dream of playing a barely interactive video game adaptation of her adventures!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePamela Anderson was everywhere in the 90s, as a sex symbol and an object of ridicule. And none of her projects is more forgotten than V.I.P., the show where she bumbles into starting a bodyguard agency for the stars. And now, you, can fulfill your lifelong dream of playing a barely interactive video game adaptation of her adventures!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Pamela Anderson was everywhere in the 90s, as a sex symbol and an object of ridicule. And none of her projects is more forgotten than V.I.P., the show where she bumbles into starting a bodyguard agency for the stars. And now, you, can fulfill your lifelong dream of playing a barely interactive video game adaptation of her adventures!","date_published":"2024-09-25T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/65bc63f1-868b-46b2-ae25-a51fbc572bf2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24023296,"duration_in_seconds":2001}]},{"id":"95d9494a-1d17-42e0-898f-bdfcac7209fd","title":"575: Wonder World Amusement Park DS","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/575","content_text":"If you go anywhere used games are sold, you’ll see shelves choked with DS and Wii shovelware. And this week’s game, Wonder World Amusement Park, is emblematic of everything about that phenomenon. But of course, Gary picked this game to have an excuse to talk about his trip to the Oregon State Fair, which featured a real life reenactment of The Zoo Race.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf you go anywhere used games are sold, you’ll see shelves choked with DS and Wii shovelware. And this week’s game, Wonder World Amusement Park, is emblematic of everything about that phenomenon. But of course, Gary picked this game to have an excuse to talk about his trip to the Oregon State Fair, which featured a real life reenactment of The Zoo Race.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"If you go anywhere used games are sold, you’ll see shelves choked with DS and Wii shovelware. And this week’s game, Wonder World Amusement Park, is emblematic of everything about that phenomenon. But of course, Gary picked this game to have an excuse to talk about his trip to the Oregon State Fair, which featured a real life reenactment of The Zoo Race.","date_published":"2024-09-17T22:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/95d9494a-1d17-42e0-898f-bdfcac7209fd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27536320,"duration_in_seconds":2294}]},{"id":"6ae6159d-df13-40fb-a61e-1afaec871d51","title":"574: X-Perts (Genesis)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/574","content_text":"Gonna be honest, it’s weird to record an episode that stays on topic like this one does. Everyone remembers the Eternal Champions, right? A franchise beloved enough that it got two character-specific spinoffs before Mortal Kombat got even one? X-Perts (unrelated to the X-Men) is in the running for one of the worst beat-em-ups we’ve covered for the show, which is really saying something.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGonna be honest, it’s weird to record an episode that stays on topic like this one does. Everyone remembers the Eternal Champions, right? A franchise beloved enough that it got two character-specific spinoffs before Mortal Kombat got even one? X-Perts (unrelated to the X-Men) is in the running for one of the worst beat-em-ups we’ve covered for the show, which is really saying something.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Gonna be honest, it’s weird to record an episode that stays on topic like this one does. Everyone remembers the Eternal Champions, right? A franchise beloved enough that it got two character-specific spinoffs before Mortal Kombat got even one? X-Perts (unrelated to the X-Men) is in the running for one of the worst beat-em-ups we’ve covered for the show, which is really saying something.","date_published":"2024-09-09T21:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6ae6159d-df13-40fb-a61e-1afaec871d51.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25332832,"duration_in_seconds":2110}]},{"id":"5b6b203f-1791-4c5a-b750-2489e3261bd8","title":"573: Cabela's Dangerous Hunts","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/573","content_text":"Behold, the Nega-Bear. It exists within and without our dimension. Do not try to shut your eyes, as the Nega-Bear moves faster when it is not perceived.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBehold, the Nega-Bear. It exists within and without our dimension. Do not try to shut your eyes, as the Nega-Bear moves faster when it is not perceived.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Behold, the Nega-Bear. It exists within and without our dimension. Do not try to shut your eyes, as the Nega-Bear moves faster when it is not perceived.","date_published":"2024-09-02T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5b6b203f-1791-4c5a-b750-2489e3261bd8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25181056,"duration_in_seconds":2098}]},{"id":"9861717f-f981-413b-b538-9a2f45030ca9","title":"572: Power Blade (NES)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/572","content_text":"I hate to say, but sometimes you just have to respect somebody with that many muscles.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI hate to say, but sometimes you just have to respect somebody with that many muscles.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I hate to say, but sometimes you just have to respect somebody with that many muscles.","date_published":"2024-08-26T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9861717f-f981-413b-b538-9a2f45030ca9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30551104,"duration_in_seconds":2545}]},{"id":"4cef3b90-0859-4424-98f2-1b4cb3fbbb78","title":"571: ESWAT: City Under Siege","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/571","content_text":"Now to play a nice relaxing game where cops beat up... the incarcerated. Hmm.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNow to play a nice relaxing game where cops beat up... the incarcerated. Hmm.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Now to play a nice relaxing game where cops beat up... the incarcerated. Hmm.","date_published":"2024-08-19T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4cef3b90-0859-4424-98f2-1b4cb3fbbb78.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28255168,"duration_in_seconds":2354}]},{"id":"d3f8aa5c-b425-4da2-8995-416feed4ba58","title":"570: Between Heaven and Hell","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/570","content_text":"Here is a list of your sins: You never used that coupon. Your wallet smells funny. You don't clean your phone.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHere is a list of your sins: You never used that coupon. Your wallet smells funny. You don\u0026#39;t clean your phone.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Here is a list of your sins: You never used that coupon. Your wallet smells funny. You don't clean your phone.","date_published":"2024-08-12T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d3f8aa5c-b425-4da2-8995-416feed4ba58.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33214240,"duration_in_seconds":2767}]},{"id":"0501f309-79a2-4d67-bc4c-fbbeb651883d","title":"569: Forklift Load","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/569","content_text":"Well, I don't see why the devs had to make it sexual.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWell, I don\u0026#39;t see why the devs had to make it sexual.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Well, I don't see why the devs had to make it sexual.","date_published":"2024-08-05T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0501f309-79a2-4d67-bc4c-fbbeb651883d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28749664,"duration_in_seconds":2395}]},{"id":"fc742e76-eb2f-4fbb-8c5f-60c441a415e6","title":"568: Shining Nikki - Fashion Makeover","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/568","content_text":"I... I'm told this is a fashion game, somehow?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI... I\u0026#39;m told this is a fashion game, somehow?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I... I'm told this is a fashion game, somehow?","date_published":"2024-07-30T00:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fc742e76-eb2f-4fbb-8c5f-60c441a415e6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27783712,"duration_in_seconds":2314}]},{"id":"540ec9fe-55ee-44bc-952d-740e151af587","title":"567: Dark Summit","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/567","content_text":"Spies! Snowboarding! Uh... yeah, we don't get it either.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSpies! Snowboarding! Uh... yeah, we don\u0026#39;t get it either.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Spies! Snowboarding! Uh... yeah, we don't get it either.","date_published":"2024-07-22T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/540ec9fe-55ee-44bc-952d-740e151af587.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32473792,"duration_in_seconds":2705}]},{"id":"1259d4eb-892a-44ba-9867-9edaa5a17d19","title":"566: Oni","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/566","content_text":"I was suckered into playing this game because I got a comic book that was just an advertisement.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI was suckered into playing this game because I got a comic book that was just an advertisement.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I was suckered into playing this game because I got a comic book that was just an advertisement.","date_published":"2024-07-15T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1259d4eb-892a-44ba-9867-9edaa5a17d19.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35538976,"duration_in_seconds":2961}]},{"id":"9202e8ac-d895-469e-9868-a2e07b03e68e","title":"565: Who Wants to Beat Up a Millionaire?","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/565","content_text":"How can a game about beating up rich people be so unfun?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHow can a game about beating up rich people be so unfun?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"How can a game about beating up rich people be so unfun?","date_published":"2024-07-08T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9202e8ac-d895-469e-9868-a2e07b03e68e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28348192,"duration_in_seconds":2362}]},{"id":"7ba2ab0a-cf3e-47b7-a74e-d0e0f2ee3246","title":"564: Bubba 'n' Stix","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/564","content_text":"There is something very unsettling about a tree with legs.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere is something very unsettling about a tree with legs.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There is something very unsettling about a tree with legs.","date_published":"2024-07-01T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7ba2ab0a-cf3e-47b7-a74e-d0e0f2ee3246.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25018624,"duration_in_seconds":2084}]},{"id":"478582d8-1441-46d8-b59f-86efde6343ea","title":"563: Daze Before Christmas","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/563","content_text":"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHo ho ho, Merry Christmas!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!","date_published":"2024-06-24T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/478582d8-1441-46d8-b59f-86efde6343ea.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26883712,"duration_in_seconds":2239}]},{"id":"60ee4aba-8606-4c15-8113-0945df657df9","title":"562: Friends: The One With All the Trivia","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/562","content_text":"Actually, the episode with the trivia is \"The One with the Embryos\".","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eActually, the episode with the trivia is \u0026quot;The One with the Embryos\u0026quot;.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Actually, the episode with the trivia is \"The One with the Embryos\".","date_published":"2024-06-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/60ee4aba-8606-4c15-8113-0945df657df9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24641632,"duration_in_seconds":2053}]},{"id":"7417990d-3838-4a45-a0c2-d52182937be0","title":"561: The Da Vinci Code","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/561","content_text":"I, too, assume that all historically valuable objects have secret puzzles.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI, too, assume that all historically valuable objects have secret puzzles.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I, too, assume that all historically valuable objects have secret puzzles.","date_published":"2024-06-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7417990d-3838-4a45-a0c2-d52182937be0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24625504,"duration_in_seconds":2051}]},{"id":"1209967f-807e-4c42-b951-03a7022cb790","title":"560: Barnyard","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/560","content_text":"Kevin James got udders. You heard me.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKevin James got udders. You heard me.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Kevin James got udders. You heard me.","date_published":"2024-06-03T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1209967f-807e-4c42-b951-03a7022cb790.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25383808,"duration_in_seconds":2114}]},{"id":"b26a243c-e0ed-4760-ac1c-6f61be01dfd7","title":"559: Red Bull BC One","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/559","content_text":"Taurine!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTaurine!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Taurine!","date_published":"2024-05-27T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b26a243c-e0ed-4760-ac1c-6f61be01dfd7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25286464,"duration_in_seconds":2106}]},{"id":"9b6f8add-8c4f-4bd4-83d0-df4f7765c89f","title":"558: Funny Pizza Land","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/558","content_text":"Is the pizza funny or is the land funny because of the pizza?f","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIs the pizza funny or is the land funny because of the pizza?f\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Is the pizza funny or is the land funny because of the pizza?","date_published":"2024-05-20T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9b6f8add-8c4f-4bd4-83d0-df4f7765c89f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29751040,"duration_in_seconds":2478}]},{"id":"ad64d685-00c6-473b-a97d-6ddb5d3f0c77","title":"557: Californication","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/557","content_text":"Doc... I've been dreaming of Californication again.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDoc... I\u0026#39;ve been dreaming of Californication again.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Doc... 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This is a skunk with attitude.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNow this Skunk? This is a skunk with attitude.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Now this Skunk? This is a skunk with attitude.","date_published":"2023-12-04T18:15:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8c234044-65c3-42dc-8bd3-6b80f8d7ff1d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25388128,"duration_in_seconds":2115}]},{"id":"a9ad62d8-5bc9-443c-843c-95974f8c485c","title":"533: Hospital Escaper","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/533","content_text":"Another amazing entry in the mobile game from hell sub-series.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAnother amazing entry in the mobile game from hell sub-series.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Another amazing entry in the mobile game from hell sub-series.","date_published":"2023-11-27T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a9ad62d8-5bc9-443c-843c-95974f8c485c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23659552,"duration_in_seconds":1971}]},{"id":"65ad8943-92f9-4aab-b5da-f93077bd2686","title":"532: Kid A Mnesia Exhibition","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/532","content_text":"Radiohead.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRadiohead.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Radiohead.","date_published":"2023-11-20T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/65ad8943-92f9-4aab-b5da-f93077bd2686.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26116768,"duration_in_seconds":2176}]},{"id":"24bf4f51-9e6a-4242-afd0-54c0f81658bd","title":"531: Tin Star","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/531","content_text":"Cartoons you can shoot with a gun!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCartoons you can shoot with a gun!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cartoons you can shoot with a gun!","date_published":"2023-11-13T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/24bf4f51-9e6a-4242-afd0-54c0f81658bd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27849088,"duration_in_seconds":2320}]},{"id":"670a5e42-820d-4603-a067-af16f6ca276c","title":"530: Low G Man","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/530","content_text":"There is a guy. 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Go, sci fi, go.","date_published":"2023-11-06T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/670a5e42-820d-4603-a067-af16f6ca276c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27235936,"duration_in_seconds":2269}]},{"id":"af8cda7f-3c08-4cf2-9b4e-b1634afc1ca8","title":"529: Resident Evil: Dead Aim","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/529","content_text":"Another way to interpret dead aim is to say you aim like a dead person.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAnother way to interpret dead aim is to say you aim like a dead person.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Another way to interpret dead aim is to say you aim like a dead person.","date_published":"2023-10-30T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/af8cda7f-3c08-4cf2-9b4e-b1634afc1ca8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26046496,"duration_in_seconds":2170}]},{"id":"7628f46e-3cc9-4cf9-947d-6fed2c0bc06b","title":"528: Keith Courage in Alpha Zones","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/528","content_text":"I don't want to go to Alpha Zones.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI don\u0026#39;t want to go to Alpha Zones.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I don't want to go to Alpha Zones.","date_published":"2023-10-23T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7628f46e-3cc9-4cf9-947d-6fed2c0bc06b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26417152,"duration_in_seconds":2201}]},{"id":"63c9c4ac-1e7d-40c4-9332-b080e50a5868","title":"527: Spawn (1999)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/527","content_text":"There are way too many Spawn games. There's even a The Darkness game and that's basically bullshit Spawn.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere are way too many Spawn games. There\u0026#39;s even a The Darkness game and that\u0026#39;s basically bullshit Spawn.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There are way too many Spawn games. There's even a The Darkness game and that's basically bullshit Spawn.","date_published":"2023-10-16T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/63c9c4ac-1e7d-40c4-9332-b080e50a5868.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":43383232,"duration_in_seconds":3614}]},{"id":"c7620815-ed53-4fdd-8333-dcfa7f10f2c9","title":"526: Mega Man Battle Network 6","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/526","content_text":"There are so many Mega Men Battles Network that you don't even know which one this is.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere are so many Mega Men Battles Network that you don\u0026#39;t even know which one this is.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There are so many Mega Men Battles Network that you don't even know which one this is.","date_published":"2023-10-09T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c7620815-ed53-4fdd-8333-dcfa7f10f2c9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24331168,"duration_in_seconds":2027}]},{"id":"7ac7b580-d276-4994-8944-7a9fc8b5ae87","title":"525: SimAnt","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/525","content_text":"Be ant. Live ant. Laugh ant. Love ant.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBe ant. Live ant. Laugh ant. Love ant.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Be ant. Live ant. Laugh ant. 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Again. This is a threat.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAlvin and the Chipmunks are back. Again. This is a threat.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Alvin and the Chipmunks are back. Again. This is a threat.","date_published":"2023-09-18T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e9e14cb2-c804-48f2-8403-7ee392dd02dc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26384032,"duration_in_seconds":2198}]},{"id":"ca2e166c-1872-420d-b725-6258785d53e2","title":"522: Mischief Makers","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/522","content_text":"People love this game. We don't! Whoops!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePeople love this game. We don\u0026#39;t! Whoops!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"People love this game. We don't! Whoops!","date_published":"2023-09-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ca2e166c-1872-420d-b725-6258785d53e2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24813568,"duration_in_seconds":2067}]},{"id":"2ab21d73-1322-45af-a859-c4b8f7c5014c","title":"521: Napoleon Dynamite: The Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/521","content_text":"It's like your favorite anti-comedy movie. But it's a fake game!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s like your favorite anti-comedy movie. But it\u0026#39;s a fake game!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's like your favorite anti-comedy movie. 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No, you don't play as animals.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn 80s action movie themed beat em video game. No, you don\u0026#39;t play as animals.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An 80s action movie themed beat em video game. No, you don't play as animals.","date_published":"2023-08-21T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/03b5df3b-122a-46bc-8945-4ec7f87f6bb0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25770016,"duration_in_seconds":2147}]},{"id":"309a13f9-33e7-4c58-bfc4-14746005ad20","title":"518: Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/518","content_text":"Wow, living through a disaster would suck. Let's make a comedy game out of it.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWow, living through a disaster would suck. Let\u0026#39;s make a comedy game out of it.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Wow, living through a disaster would suck. Let's make a comedy game out of it.","date_published":"2023-08-14T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/309a13f9-33e7-4c58-bfc4-14746005ad20.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24164128,"duration_in_seconds":2013}]},{"id":"8ecfdab9-eaed-4519-af72-48a1db6f5eaf","title":"517: Outlaw Golf","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/517","content_text":"This is actually really tame. What law did they break exactly?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis is actually really tame. What law did they break exactly?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This is actually really tame. What law did they break exactly?","date_published":"2023-08-07T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8ecfdab9-eaed-4519-af72-48a1db6f5eaf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23391420,"duration_in_seconds":1948}]},{"id":"95866c5e-4f12-430e-998e-884008335d4c","title":"516: King’s Quest 8: The Mask of Eternity","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/516","content_text":"A sequel made for literally nobody, in an attempt to make a game for everybody.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA sequel made for literally nobody, in an attempt to make a game for everybody.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A sequel made for literally nobody, in an attempt to make a game for everybody.","date_published":"2023-07-31T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/95866c5e-4f12-430e-998e-884008335d4c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24472288,"duration_in_seconds":2039}]},{"id":"1ce2b912-d2b2-4bfc-93b6-d7ccdd3253e1","title":"515: Van Helsing","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/515","content_text":"Van Helsing is actually the doctor. The character is Van Helsing's monster.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eVan Helsing is actually the doctor. The character is Van Helsing\u0026#39;s monster.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Van Helsing is actually the doctor. 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Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. The game has 15 pictures and a total of 30 stages.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGame Introduction\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFinish one labyrinth and you will be rewarded with a picture of the top half of a woman. Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. The game has 15 pictures and a total of 30 stages.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Game Introduction\r\n\r\nFinish one labyrinth and you will be rewarded with a picture of the top half of a woman. Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. 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More. MORE, DAMN YOU!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOkay, but imagine more muscles. More. MORE, DAMN YOU!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Okay, but imagine more muscles. More. MORE, DAMN YOU!","date_published":"2023-05-29T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/90025b55-d9c4-4fc6-b535-1abfe220eb60.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24912666,"duration_in_seconds":2076}]},{"id":"0b0cce26-f697-43ec-828f-f9b749362995","title":"506: Wild 9","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/506","content_text":"Please do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePlease do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Please do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.","date_published":"2023-05-22T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0b0cce26-f697-43ec-828f-f9b749362995.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26864064,"duration_in_seconds":2238}]},{"id":"0dcab397-e007-4581-a675-f67a711af7cb","title":"505: Shadow Man: 2econd Coming","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/505","content_text":"7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n\u0026#39;7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.","date_published":"2023-05-15T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0dcab397-e007-4581-a675-f67a711af7cb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25319549,"duration_in_seconds":2109}]},{"id":"4689a40e-91ad-4127-808e-3a5bd91c0121","title":"504: Astyanax","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/504","content_text":"I had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.","date_published":"2023-05-08T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4689a40e-91ad-4127-808e-3a5bd91c0121.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26533302,"duration_in_seconds":2211}]},{"id":"5c027162-3e95-4306-8233-f6d43b0824ce","title":"503: Yerr Out!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/503","content_text":"Finally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there's a perfectly good bear right there?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFinally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there\u0026#39;s a perfectly good bear right there?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Finally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there's a perfectly good bear right there?","date_published":"2023-05-01T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5c027162-3e95-4306-8233-f6d43b0824ce.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24398576,"duration_in_seconds":2033}]},{"id":"8175d714-8455-437e-81b2-32354b3a688d","title":"502: Creature Shock","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/502","content_text":"\"The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs.\" --Wikipedia","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs.\u0026quot; --Wikipedia\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"\"The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs.\" --Wikipedia","date_published":"2023-04-24T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8175d714-8455-437e-81b2-32354b3a688d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26208862,"duration_in_seconds":2184}]},{"id":"49c61520-8792-4c84-89c9-31764ab8ee27","title":"Episode 501: BMX XXX","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/501","content_text":"Are you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!\n\nOh, no, you're thinking of my cousin Mike Boner. He is a professional BMX rider though.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAre you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOh, no, you\u0026#39;re thinking of my cousin Mike Boner. He is a professional BMX rider though.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Are you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!","date_published":"2023-04-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/49c61520-8792-4c84-89c9-31764ab8ee27.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":37259424,"duration_in_seconds":3104}]},{"id":"b10fa91c-c86d-454d-b4c8-fb34bed266af","title":"Episode 500: The Legend of Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/500","content_text":"Big round number is big AND round.\n\nTo celebrate, here is a bad game on a bad system that we all know. Plus, Gary and Kole, in the same room! That hasn't happened in years!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBig round number is big \u003cem\u003eAND\u003c/em\u003e round.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo celebrate, here is a bad game on a bad system that we all know. Plus, Gary and Kole, in the same room! That hasn\u0026#39;t happened in years!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Big round number is big AND round.","date_published":"2023-04-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b10fa91c-c86d-454d-b4c8-fb34bed266af.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":37696032,"duration_in_seconds":3141}]},{"id":"c1f8e0f2-a438-4669-9b17-11cfa06c2945","title":"Episode 499: Two Crude Dudes","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/499","content_text":"These dudes are past bad. They're downright crude.\n\nThis is a sequel, or something, to Bad Dudes. You don't attempt to rescue the president, so what's even the point?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThese dudes are past bad. They\u0026#39;re downright crude.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a sequel, or something, to Bad Dudes. You don\u0026#39;t attempt to rescue the president, so what\u0026#39;s even the point?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"These dudes are past bad. They're downright crude.","date_published":"2023-04-03T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c1f8e0f2-a438-4669-9b17-11cfa06c2945.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26963069,"duration_in_seconds":2246}]},{"id":"0a3e5c96-0df6-491e-b68c-d3890e81f0bb","title":"Episode 498: Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/498","content_text":"To maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTo maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"To maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.","date_published":"2023-03-27T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0a3e5c96-0df6-491e-b68c-d3890e81f0bb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23885426,"duration_in_seconds":1990}]},{"id":"3cdbb1ba-359b-4bc1-b399-0302cf188df8","title":"Episode 497: Lawnmower Game: Zombie","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/497","content_text":"Comedy Podcast: Games. With graphics by Factory of Assets.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eComedy Podcast: Games. With graphics by Factory of Assets.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Comedy Podcast: Games. ","date_published":"2023-03-20T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3cdbb1ba-359b-4bc1-b399-0302cf188df8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27799719,"duration_in_seconds":2316}]},{"id":"8b845a64-ceff-4dce-bc61-61539f4cb23a","title":"Episode 496: Purple Saturn Day","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/496","content_text":"I've never heard of this holiday before. I guess it's for celebrating mini-games?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI\u0026#39;ve never heard of this holiday before. I guess it\u0026#39;s for celebrating mini-games?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I've never heard of this holiday before.","date_published":"2023-03-13T00:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8b845a64-ceff-4dce-bc61-61539f4cb23a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":40464223,"duration_in_seconds":2385}]},{"id":"fbfb91e7-9c39-41cc-9b8b-c972b57c23eb","title":"Episode 495: Hell's Kitchen","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/495","content_text":"This episode is fuckin' RAW!\n\nIf you ever wanted a weird CGI Gordon Ramsey yell at you in a lifeless void, oh man, do I have the game for you.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis episode is fuckin\u0026#39; RAW!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIf you ever wanted a weird CGI Gordon Ramsey yell at you in a lifeless void, oh man, do I have the game for you.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This episode is fuckin' RAW!","date_published":"2023-03-06T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fbfb91e7-9c39-41cc-9b8b-c972b57c23eb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23608006,"duration_in_seconds":1967}]},{"id":"36a1e5c3-fc09-44eb-aad9-53cfece8d162","title":"Episode 494: Heir of Zendor","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/494","content_text":"It turns out \"Zendor\" is what your grand uncle called \"debt\".\n\nWhat I'm saying is you just inherited a lot debt.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt turns out \u0026quot;Zendor\u0026quot; is what your grand uncle called \u0026quot;debt\u0026quot;.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhat I\u0026#39;m saying is you just inherited a lot debt.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It turns out \"Zendor\" is what your grand uncle called \"debt\".\r\n\r\nWhat I'm saying is you just inherited a lot debt.","date_published":"2023-02-27T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/36a1e5c3-fc09-44eb-aad9-53cfece8d162.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29085884,"duration_in_seconds":2423}]},{"id":"c484fa22-25f7-4d73-b7ae-c7196bd38df1","title":"Episode 493: KRUM: Edge of Darkness","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/493","content_text":"Come KRUM!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCome KRUM!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Now, KRUM I can get into.","date_published":"2023-02-20T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c484fa22-25f7-4d73-b7ae-c7196bd38df1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23388578,"duration_in_seconds":1949}]},{"id":"06a5f2fb-ad12-45ca-9a6d-d4a4387458a4","title":"Episode 492: Strange Flesh","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/492","content_text":"Wine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I'm assuming.\n\nI'm not saying it is porn but I sure felt embarassed accidentally googling it at my day job.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I\u0026#39;m assuming.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI\u0026#39;m not saying it \u003cem\u003eis\u003c/em\u003e porn but I sure felt embarassed accidentally googling it at my day job.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Wine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I'm assuming.","date_published":"2023-02-13T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/06a5f2fb-ad12-45ca-9a6d-d4a4387458a4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26018586,"duration_in_seconds":2168}]},{"id":"66f9c218-0317-481b-bbfd-2cefa89ef427","title":"Episode 491: Litil Divil","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/491","content_text":"Inside of you are two wolves. One is a Litil Debil. The other, a Litil Angle. Who will you listen to?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eInside of you are two wolves. One is a Litil Debil. The other, a Litil Angle. Who will you listen to?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Oi govn'r, it's rite time for a Divil, it is.","date_published":"2023-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/66f9c218-0317-481b-bbfd-2cefa89ef427.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26757433,"duration_in_seconds":2229}]},{"id":"1cb429a6-3979-424d-b907-1aab6affe9e4","title":"Episode 490: Blob Wars: Metal Blob Solid","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/490","content_text":"You know, it's probably about time we give freeware Linux games a shot!\n\nEw.\n\nNevermind, let's go to Chili's.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou know, it\u0026#39;s probably about time we give freeware Linux games a shot!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEw.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNevermind, let\u0026#39;s go to Chili\u0026#39;s.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"No, we have no idea why they named is Metal Blob Solid. It's basically a trap.","date_published":"2023-01-30T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1cb429a6-3979-424d-b907-1aab6affe9e4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33101856,"duration_in_seconds":2758}]},{"id":"8d522b7f-aa04-414b-b66b-23a66512ea9c","title":"Episode 489: Wacky World of Miniature Golf","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/489","content_text":"Nobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids? Anyway, Eugene Levy fails to convince the boys that this golf is all that whacky.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids? Anyway, Eugene Levy fails to convince the boys that this golf is all that whacky.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Nobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids?","date_published":"2023-01-23T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8d522b7f-aa04-414b-b66b-23a66512ea9c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25891944,"duration_in_seconds":2157}]},{"id":"d94a98b2-5978-4667-ba1a-4d747736099a","title":"Episode 488: Bionic Commando (2009)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/488","content_text":"Bionic Commando is one of the best games for the NES. Taking away your jump and forcing you to rely on predictable swinging physics was (and is!) a novel concept, matched by a delightful semi-serious, semi-goofy tone and exquisite level design. So you can imagine how high hopes were when a sequel was announced. Well, that was a mistake.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBionic Commando is one of the best games for the NES. Taking away your jump and forcing you to rely on predictable swinging physics was (and is!) a novel concept, matched by a delightful semi-serious, semi-goofy tone and exquisite level design. So you can imagine how high hopes were when a sequel was announced. Well, that was a mistake.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's got that swing but don't mean a thing.","date_published":"2023-01-16T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d94a98b2-5978-4667-ba1a-4d747736099a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29377216,"duration_in_seconds":2447}]},{"id":"17c7b2e8-cfe3-4352-8d9e-f351fd0942e5","title":"Episode 487: Tootinis","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/487","content_text":"Tootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we're fully in \"Please Be Cool\" mode because all these people did was make a weird kids' game with baffling characters and a very funny intro. Additionally we talk about what Totino's Pizzas become when they enter your mouth, the new garage that Kole saw, and Gary's glimpse at our cold metallic future.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we\u0026#39;re fully in \u0026quot;Please Be Cool\u0026quot; mode because all these people did was make a weird kids\u0026#39; game with baffling characters and a very funny intro. Additionally we talk about what Totino\u0026#39;s Pizzas become when they enter your mouth, the new garage that Kole saw, and Gary\u0026#39;s glimpse at our cold metallic future.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Tootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we're fully in \"Please Be Cool\" mode because all these people did was make a weird kids' game with baffling characters and a very funny intro.","date_published":"2023-01-09T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/17c7b2e8-cfe3-4352-8d9e-f351fd0942e5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25825888,"duration_in_seconds":2151}]},{"id":"471e6162-a10a-48ac-8548-5f305064d545","title":"Episode 486: Magician Lord","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/486","content_text":"Magician Lord is an okay arcade game about a transforming wizard. That's not what's important, however. What's important is that we know that 2023 will be the year of the Buff Wizard, Who May or May Not Be a Frog Man. It's imperative that we embrace and hype this early so we can make it happen.\n\nExtremely ripped wizard. Possibly a humanoid frog. Strong as hell. Lots of lightning. Lovingly rendered buttocks and genitalia. Let's make it happen, people.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMagician Lord is an okay arcade game about a transforming wizard. That\u0026#39;s not what\u0026#39;s important, however. What\u0026#39;s important is that we know that 2023 will be the year of the Buff Wizard, Who May or May Not Be a Frog Man. It\u0026#39;s imperative that we embrace and hype this early so we can make it happen.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eExtremely ripped wizard. Possibly a humanoid frog. Strong as hell. Lots of lightning. Lovingly rendered buttocks and genitalia. Let\u0026#39;s make it happen, people.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2023-01-02T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/471e6162-a10a-48ac-8548-5f305064d545.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25491232,"duration_in_seconds":2123}]},{"id":"8ffa68c4-aa81-49f1-854d-2cef18d3f529","title":"Episode 485: Corpse Killer","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/485","content_text":"We've spoken on the charms and pitfalls of FMV video games before, and we're happy to report that Corpse Killer falls well on the charms side. It's a dead basic lightgun game, making Terminator 2 look like Time Crisis, but it also has ridiculously over the top acting and a bonkers story. So instead of laying into it for too long, we talk about how it's driving us crazy that someone out there is trying to make people care about Avatar.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;ve spoken on the charms and pitfalls of FMV video games before, and we\u0026#39;re happy to report that Corpse Killer falls well on the charms side. It\u0026#39;s a dead basic lightgun game, making Terminator 2 look like Time Crisis, but it also has ridiculously over the top acting and a bonkers story. So instead of laying into it for too long, we talk about how it\u0026#39;s driving us crazy that someone out there is trying to make people care about Avatar.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-12-26T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8ffa68c4-aa81-49f1-854d-2cef18d3f529.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30517696,"duration_in_seconds":2542}]},{"id":"f2391406-cfa3-4191-9d03-37da100051fd","title":"Episode 484: City Connection","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/484","content_text":"City Connection is a fun arcade maze chase that takes place in a world where everything's the same, but cars jump for some reason? So we talk about the dangers of being so competitive that you scream about Bingo, and also cap things off with a vexatious Burger King anecdote.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCity Connection is a fun arcade maze chase that takes place in a world where everything\u0026#39;s the same, but cars jump for some reason? So we talk about the dangers of being so competitive that you scream about Bingo, and also cap things off with a vexatious Burger King anecdote.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-12-19T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f2391406-cfa3-4191-9d03-37da100051fd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32731552,"duration_in_seconds":2727}]},{"id":"b2e00981-b47c-4373-9062-57cc6718f9e8","title":"Episode 483: Kiss: Psycho Circus - The Nightmare Child","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/483","content_text":"First off, it's podcast malpractice that we didn't make this entire episode about the video for the KISS song \"Psycho Circus\". That's on us. We weren't even that distracted by the ho-hum Lithtech shooter that is KISS colon Psycho Circus colon The Nightmare Child. We just got very wrapped up in the concept of KISS itself, which basically amounts to Insane Clown Posse for boomers. This is also part two of our inadvertent duology of \"Our Carnival Isn't Like the Carnival You Grew Up With, It's a Little Dark and Twisted!\" games.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFirst off, it\u0026#39;s podcast malpractice that we didn\u0026#39;t make this entire episode about \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWIW6Ti0PbE\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003ethe video for the KISS song \u0026quot;Psycho Circus\u0026quot;.\u003c/a\u003e That\u0026#39;s on us. We weren\u0026#39;t even that distracted by the ho-hum Lithtech shooter that is KISS colon Psycho Circus colon The Nightmare Child. We just got very wrapped up in the concept of KISS itself, which basically amounts to Insane Clown Posse for boomers. This is also part two of our inadvertent duology of \u0026quot;Our Carnival Isn\u0026#39;t Like the Carnival You Grew Up With, It\u0026#39;s a Little Dark and Twisted!\u0026quot; games.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-12-12T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b2e00981-b47c-4373-9062-57cc6718f9e8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28763488,"duration_in_seconds":2396}]},{"id":"afb2eacf-96bf-4eb4-b379-9fdffec0d504","title":"Episode 482: Bad Day on the Midway","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/482","content_text":"The image of a person with an eyeball for a head is very good. That's the nice thing we'll say about the Residents. But Bad Day on the Midway underlines some fundamental problems we have with them, since it's unpleasant to look at and listen to, and not to a very interesting artistic result. You poke around a demented carnival amusement park learning about mentally ill people, killers, and racists... and then it just ends, regardless of how you play. More power to you if you're down with the Residents' style, but we certainly draw the line here.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe image of a person with an eyeball for a head is very good. That\u0026#39;s the nice thing we\u0026#39;ll say about the Residents. But Bad Day on the Midway underlines some fundamental problems we have with them, since it\u0026#39;s unpleasant to look at and listen to, and not to a very interesting artistic result. You poke around a demented carnival amusement park learning about mentally ill people, killers, and racists... and then it just ends, regardless of how you play. More power to you if you\u0026#39;re down with the Residents\u0026#39; style, but we certainly draw the line here.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-12-05T15:30:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/afb2eacf-96bf-4eb4-b379-9fdffec0d504.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24649696,"duration_in_seconds":2053}]},{"id":"efde98b0-562b-4044-87e0-b243982d1a86","title":"Episode 481: Seymour Goes to Hollywood","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/481","content_text":"Who is Seymour, and where is he going? What does he want when he gets there? We can only answer one of these questions, but we barely care. Seymour catfished us, saying it was a game about a little potato man, only for us to learn that it's actually another horrible Dizzy game with the serial numebrs filed off.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWho is Seymour, and where is he going? What does he want when he gets there? We can only answer one of these questions, but we barely care. Seymour catfished us, saying it was a game about a little potato man, only for us to learn that it\u0026#39;s actually another horrible Dizzy game with the serial numebrs filed off.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-11-28T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/efde98b0-562b-4044-87e0-b243982d1a86.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25548256,"duration_in_seconds":2128}]},{"id":"e6a3c78f-eace-4b77-b606-d7cff6f3a11c","title":"Episode 480: Simon the Sorcerer 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/480","content_text":"Simon the Sorcerer is a rude teen who likes boobs, doesn't know what's happening around him, and never stops talking. This, his improbable second adventure, draws him back into the fantasy world because he can't stay out of containers designated for clothing. Is there zero joy to be had in a Simon the Sorcerer game? We don't know. But this one just never... stops... talking. Why should a joke ever end? It can just keep going. That's what we call value.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSimon the Sorcerer is a rude teen who likes boobs, doesn\u0026#39;t know what\u0026#39;s happening around him, and never stops talking. This, his improbable second adventure, draws him back into the fantasy world because he can\u0026#39;t stay out of containers designated for clothing. Is there zero joy to be had in a Simon the Sorcerer game? We don\u0026#39;t know. But this one just never... stops... talking. Why should a joke ever end? It can just keep going. That\u0026#39;s what we call value.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-11-21T16:15:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e6a3c78f-eace-4b77-b606-d7cff6f3a11c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26173792,"duration_in_seconds":2180}]},{"id":"70bb3ba1-e930-4089-8048-ae63353cc363","title":"Episode 479: The Looker","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/479","content_text":"It's time to do a mini-WOFF! about one of the funniest games we've played recently: The Looker. It's a candid and scathing parody of  The Witness, taking place on a very similar island, and having you use a pen to solve placemat mazes while listening to faux-deep audio recordings. We stay on topic throughout this one and spoil quite a bit, so consider going and playing The Looker for yourself. It's free and it's about 90 minutes long.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s time to do a mini-WOFF! about one of the funniest games we\u0026#39;ve played recently: The Looker. It\u0026#39;s a candid and scathing parody of  The Witness, taking place on a very similar island, and having you use a pen to solve placemat mazes while listening to faux-deep audio recordings. We stay on topic throughout this one and spoil quite a bit, so consider going and \u003ca href=\"https://store.steampowered.com/app/1985690/The_Looker/\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eplaying The Looker for yourself\u003c/a\u003e. It\u0026#39;s free and it\u0026#39;s about 90 minutes long.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-11-14T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/70bb3ba1-e930-4089-8048-ae63353cc363.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28613440,"duration_in_seconds":2384}]},{"id":"591b7564-07c1-471c-a978-aac225cbc3aa","title":"Episode 478: Hidden Agenda","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/478","content_text":"This week's episode is about Hidden Agenda, a really neat DOS game that is both too serious and too good to joke much about. It's a strategy game where you run a fictional post-revolutionary Central American country, making decisions that steer its development and inevitably piss off the people around you. So instead we talk about Gary's recent solo PRGE, and give some extremely belated takes on the Silent Hill announcements. We recorded this a while ago.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week\u0026#39;s episode is about Hidden Agenda, a really neat DOS game that is both too serious and too good to joke much about. It\u0026#39;s a strategy game where you run a fictional post-revolutionary Central American country, making decisions that steer its development and inevitably piss off the people around you. So instead we talk about Gary\u0026#39;s recent solo PRGE, and give some extremely belated takes on the Silent Hill announcements. We recorded this a while ago.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-11-07T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/591b7564-07c1-471c-a978-aac225cbc3aa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28577728,"duration_in_seconds":2381}]},{"id":"75dd543a-6189-4b96-b89a-63892839e979","title":"Episode 477: Michigan: Report from Hell","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/477","content_text":"It's a shame when a great idea is wasted on a terrible execution. That's what happened with Michigan: Report from Hell. You play as a television camera man who is out with a team covering mysterious and violent incidents in Chicago as a strange fog rolls in. You shape the events through what you choose to film. Great idea, right? Too nothing about it holds together, leaving us with a clunky and awkward PS2 survival horror game that should have been great.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a shame when a great idea is wasted on a terrible execution. That\u0026#39;s what happened with Michigan: Report from Hell. You play as a television camera man who is out with a team covering mysterious and violent incidents in Chicago as a strange fog rolls in. You shape the events through what you choose to film. Great idea, right? Too nothing about it holds together, leaving us with a clunky and awkward PS2 survival horror game that should have been great.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-10-31T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/75dd543a-6189-4b96-b89a-63892839e979.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34445440,"duration_in_seconds":2870}]},{"id":"1a64b52a-2df8-4d4b-896d-e398d22a43c7","title":"Episode 476: Muppet Monster Adventure","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/476","content_text":"If I was a kid and I got a Muppet game where I couldn't play as Kermit, I'd be pissed. That's the world that Muppet Monster Adventure forces on us, one where people know who Robin the Frog is. The good Muppets have been kidnapped by an evil monster, and it's up to Robin to rescue them, maybe? This is a bog standard licensed platformer, and it's not especially terrible as those go.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf I was a kid and I got a Muppet game where I couldn\u0026#39;t play as Kermit, I\u0026#39;d be pissed. That\u0026#39;s the world that Muppet Monster Adventure forces on us, one where people know who Robin the Frog is. The good Muppets have been kidnapped by an evil monster, and it\u0026#39;s up to Robin to rescue them, maybe? This is a bog standard licensed platformer, and it\u0026#39;s not especially terrible as those go.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-10-24T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1a64b52a-2df8-4d4b-896d-e398d22a43c7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35562304,"duration_in_seconds":2963}]},{"id":"bfb19fc1-f87d-4e0e-a6d9-6bb3df7723ad","title":"Episode 475: Clive Barker's Nightbreed","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/475","content_text":"Clive Barker's most famous forray into video games is 2001's Undying, but that wasn't his first attempt. Before that, we learned all about the Nightbreed. It's unclear what a Nightbreed is, how you become one, or what they even do, but this Interactive Movie adventure game does its best to get you up to speed, terrible checkpointing and all.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eClive Barker\u0026#39;s most famous forray into video games is 2001\u0026#39;s Undying, but that wasn\u0026#39;t his first attempt. Before that, we learned all about the Nightbreed. It\u0026#39;s unclear what a Nightbreed is, how you become one, or what they even do, but this Interactive Movie adventure game does its best to get you up to speed, terrible checkpointing and all.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-10-17T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bfb19fc1-f87d-4e0e-a6d9-6bb3df7723ad.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27077824,"duration_in_seconds":2256}]},{"id":"714a2f49-8c52-4a5b-b97e-09cb3b24bc5e","title":"Episode 474: Dan Dolme","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/474","content_text":"Listen, it's not great when the way you earn points in a game is to find a lady and have vigorous sex with her before she disappears. That's what happens in Dan Dolme, a game about a man with a large penis whose girlfriend goes missing and he must find her and engage with her sexually. But the whole presentation is so surreal that it's hard to condemn it too much, at least from our point of view.\n\nIf you want to argue that, we're fine, but please understand that this is a game where in order to proceed you must learn how to double jump off of your own piss.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen, it\u0026#39;s not great when the way you earn points in a game is to find a lady and have vigorous sex with her before she disappears. That\u0026#39;s what happens in Dan Dolme, a game about a man with a large penis whose girlfriend goes missing and he must find her and engage with her sexually. But the whole presentation is so surreal that it\u0026#39;s hard to condemn it too much, at least from our point of view.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIf you want to argue that, we\u0026#39;re fine, but please understand that this is a game where in order to proceed you must learn how to double jump off of your own piss.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-10-10T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/714a2f49-8c52-4a5b-b97e-09cb3b24bc5e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29299744,"duration_in_seconds":2441}]},{"id":"51825cc3-6bb5-42eb-89d1-bbeca72d3785","title":"Episode 473: Razor Freestyle Scooter","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/473","content_text":"You had to be around in the early '00s to know exactly how hard Razor scooters were being pushed on us. These were collapsable metal scooters meant for radical teens to ride to class. And they made a game about them, a not entirely terrible Tony Hawk clone. So we spend some time talking about the gimmick shoes that were foisted on us as kids.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou had to be around in the early \u0026#39;00s to know exactly how hard Razor scooters were being pushed on us. These were collapsable metal scooters meant for radical teens to ride to class. And they made a game about them, a not entirely terrible Tony Hawk clone. So we spend some time talking about the gimmick shoes that were foisted on us as kids.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-10-03T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/51825cc3-6bb5-42eb-89d1-bbeca72d3785.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29890432,"duration_in_seconds":2490}]},{"id":"2fd75379-3de7-4bad-83fa-2f79fb87c492","title":"Episode 472: Cookie Clicker","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/472","content_text":"People love incremental and idle games. Kole's ambivalent. Gary hates them. Somehow this turned into an extremely on-topic mini-WOFF! about the genre at large, with Cookie Clicker as the starting off point. Welcome to Hell!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePeople love incremental and idle games. Kole\u0026#39;s ambivalent. Gary hates them. Somehow this turned into an extremely on-topic mini-WOFF! about the genre at large, with Cookie Clicker as the starting off point. Welcome to Hell!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-09-26T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2fd75379-3de7-4bad-83fa-2f79fb87c492.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26952256,"duration_in_seconds":2245}]},{"id":"a3058e90-d940-4f27-8075-3b50ba9ea676","title":"Episode 471: Flushed Away","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/471","content_text":"Say what you will about stop motion animation, there's an undeniable degree of difficulty associated with it that makes it a little more impressive than CGI emulating the clay sculpture style. This is the core hubris of the \"Wallace and Gromit \" people hooking up with Dreamworks to make \"Flushed Away\", a story about a posh surface rat getting flushed down the toilet to fight a frog king. And then they made a game about it. And then we mostly talked about Jackass, and a bizarre YouTube channel called \"Max TV\".","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSay what you will about stop motion animation, there\u0026#39;s an undeniable degree of difficulty associated with it that makes it a little more impressive than CGI emulating the clay sculpture style. This is the core hubris of the \u0026quot;Wallace and Gromit \u0026quot; people hooking up with Dreamworks to make \u0026quot;Flushed Away\u0026quot;, a story about a posh surface rat getting flushed down the toilet to fight a frog king. And then they made a game about it. And then we mostly talked about Jackass, and a bizarre YouTube channel called \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX3tM-sW2NpWvy-xpmicGRA/featured\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003e\u0026quot;Max TV\u0026quot;\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-09-19T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a3058e90-d940-4f27-8075-3b50ba9ea676.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27453376,"duration_in_seconds":2287}]},{"id":"446d6fc2-a2e8-4133-8121-a351fb74ee75","title":"Episode 470: An American Tail","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/470","content_text":"Better late than never, right? Even if it's 21 years too late. 1986 saw the release of \"An American Tail\", a Don Bluth-animated film about a family of mice that fled Russia to head to America... 1986 being, of course, one of the last times that an optimistic story about immigration could be told in America. Then, in 2007, some weirdos decided to make a licensed game about it. One that even manages to make Monkey Ball mechanics un-fun!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBetter late than never, right? Even if it\u0026#39;s 21 years too late. 1986 saw the release of \u0026quot;An American Tail\u0026quot;, a Don Bluth-animated film about a family of mice that fled Russia to head to America... 1986 being, of course, one of the last times that an optimistic story about immigration could be told in America. Then, in 2007, some weirdos decided to make a licensed game about it. One that even manages to make Monkey Ball mechanics un-fun!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-09-12T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/446d6fc2-a2e8-4133-8121-a351fb74ee75.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32436352,"duration_in_seconds":2702}]},{"id":"65ccaf70-444e-4d19-946a-586df51d62b1","title":"Episode 469: Mugsy's Revenge","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/469","content_text":"Nyah, see? Myah. That's mobster talk, because we're talking about a pair of ZX Spectrum games which concern themselves with various illegal dealings in 1919. The roaring teens! Establish protection rackets, run hooch, pinch nanners, flip gatorboys, if it's illegal you can do it all. As long as it fits within the \"Lemonade Stand\" format.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNyah, see? Myah. That\u0026#39;s mobster talk, because we\u0026#39;re talking about a pair of ZX Spectrum games which concern themselves with various illegal dealings in 1919. The roaring teens! Establish protection rackets, run hooch, pinch nanners, flip gatorboys, if it\u0026#39;s illegal you can do it all. As long as it fits within the \u0026quot;Lemonade Stand\u0026quot; format.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-09-05T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/65ccaf70-444e-4d19-946a-586df51d62b1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35047936,"duration_in_seconds":2920}]},{"id":"c777cc2b-0d22-4d76-9b79-71c2a36ae429","title":"Episode 468: Rise of the Dragon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/468","content_text":"Rise of the Dragon is a perfectly serviceable first person adventure game, held back by some misguided action sequences and a predictable plot. Cyber drugs? You're kidding me! So once we dispense with the formalities, Gary regales us with a tale of his return to the All-American Magic Show. Sometimes you CAN step in the same river twice.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRise of the Dragon is a perfectly serviceable first person adventure game, held back by some misguided action sequences and a predictable plot. Cyber drugs? You\u0026#39;re kidding me! So once we dispense with the formalities, Gary regales us with a tale of his return to the All-American Magic Show. Sometimes you CAN step in the same river twice.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-08-29T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c777cc2b-0d22-4d76-9b79-71c2a36ae429.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":37090144,"duration_in_seconds":3090}]},{"id":"fff749a6-aaa5-4127-890b-eb1a54a69a1a","title":"Episode 467: Major Leauge Eating: The Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/467","content_text":"WiiWare is an untapped market for us, and Gary brought in a doozie: a game about eating a lot in a very short amount of time. And you know what? It's not that terrible. It would at least have kept us entertained for a night in our dirtbag early twenties. So listen in and hear us talk about competitive eating, and learn a little more about Gary's horrible childhood.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWiiWare is an untapped market for us, and Gary brought in a doozie: a game about eating a lot in a very short amount of time. And you know what? It\u0026#39;s not that terrible. It would at least have kept us entertained for a night in our dirtbag early twenties. So listen in and hear us talk about competitive eating, and learn a little more about Gary\u0026#39;s horrible childhood.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-08-22T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fff749a6-aaa5-4127-890b-eb1a54a69a1a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27425728,"duration_in_seconds":2285}]},{"id":"aad6f18e-7b4d-4f07-b4ec-43afd402a6ca","title":"Episode 466: Dragonfable","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/466","content_text":"Dragonfable is the long-forgotten followup to Adventure Quest, and somehow it still runs, and somehow you can still play it. Cribbing heavily from the hyper self-aware diction of webcomics in the mid-2000s, this is a repetitive, grindy RPG that's perfectly at home on this show.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDragonfable is the long-forgotten followup to Adventure Quest, and somehow it still runs, and somehow you can still play it. Cribbing heavily from the hyper self-aware diction of webcomics in the mid-2000s, this is a repetitive, grindy RPG that\u0026#39;s perfectly at home on this show.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-08-15T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/aad6f18e-7b4d-4f07-b4ec-43afd402a6ca.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28310464,"duration_in_seconds":2358}]},{"id":"a91ac0bd-9179-421c-853a-f0ffd174e869","title":"Episode 465: The Adventures of Gilligan's Island","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/465","content_text":"Gilligan's Island is a hell named after its devil. The incompetent first mate of the S.S. Minnow bumbles about with an efficiency that cannot be accidental, ensuring that the island's flawed inhabitants will never again see another shore. Gilligan's Island is also a corny 60s television show which, for some reason, got an NES game made of it in 1990. It contains multitudes.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGilligan\u0026#39;s Island is a hell named after its devil. The incompetent first mate of the S.S. Minnow bumbles about with an efficiency that cannot be accidental, ensuring that the island\u0026#39;s flawed inhabitants will never again see another shore. Gilligan\u0026#39;s Island is also a corny 60s television show which, for some reason, got an NES game made of it in 1990. It contains multitudes.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-08-08T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a91ac0bd-9179-421c-853a-f0ffd174e869.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24479488,"duration_in_seconds":2039}]},{"id":"27e8ec37-e64a-48d0-ad5f-67bddc0f1ab9","title":"Episode 464: Galerians: Ash","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/464","content_text":"Galerians for the PlayStation is a flawed but interesting survival horror game, existing today primarily for people who are passionate about that era of the genre. Galerians: Ash is beloved by none. Picking up right at the end of the original game, Ash follows the continuing adventures of Rion through the world of Basically Akira, trying to stop synthetic humans from destroying the world. But they made it an action game and they shouldn't have done that.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGalerians for the PlayStation is a flawed but interesting survival horror game, existing today primarily for people who are passionate about that era of the genre. Galerians: Ash is beloved by none. Picking up right at the end of the original game, Ash follows the continuing adventures of Rion through the world of Basically Akira, trying to stop synthetic humans from destroying the world. But they made it an action game and they shouldn\u0026#39;t have done that.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-08-01T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/27e8ec37-e64a-48d0-ad5f-67bddc0f1ab9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24331744,"duration_in_seconds":2027}]},{"id":"177936ed-4e6a-4e15-b723-ca5b0f9456cf","title":"Episode 463: Feel the Magic: XY XX","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/463","content_text":"Will Hughes joins Kole once again to talk about the DS launch game \"Feel the Magic: XY XX\", which is best described as \"horny Warioware\". We end up talking about the game quite a bit, though Will does frequently bully Kole the whole time. There's nothing to be done about it.Special Guest: Will Hughes.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWill Hughes joins Kole once again to talk about the DS launch game \u0026quot;Feel the Magic: XY XX\u0026quot;, which is best described as \u0026quot;horny Warioware\u0026quot;. We end up talking about the game quite a bit, though Will does frequently bully Kole the whole time. There\u0026#39;s nothing to be done about it.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Will Hughes.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-07-25T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/177936ed-4e6a-4e15-b723-ca5b0f9456cf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30454912,"duration_in_seconds":2537}]},{"id":"aaab5745-6ce6-406f-9d28-cc198902a137","title":"Episode 462: Zoop","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/462","content_text":"Gary went and caught Covid, so this week Kole is joined by the AV Club's Will Hughes to talk about Zoop, the shallow puzzle game that magazines in the 90s put a lot of effort into getting people to buy. And since Gary isn't here, we kind of go hog wild on talking about things that would otherwise send him into the stratosphere.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGary went and caught Covid, so this week Kole is joined by the AV Club\u0026#39;s Will Hughes to talk about Zoop, the shallow puzzle game that magazines in the 90s put a lot of effort into getting people to buy. And since Gary isn\u0026#39;t here, we kind of go hog wild on talking about things that would otherwise send him into the stratosphere.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-07-18T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/aaab5745-6ce6-406f-9d28-cc198902a137.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29977984,"duration_in_seconds":2497}]},{"id":"c33f2c01-4458-428d-85b8-5c15b22c768c","title":"Covid Plans and Apology","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/covid","content_text":"Hey everyone! Announcement time. Gary caught Covid-19 and circumstances conspired to make it so we can't have a show this week. To give him time to recover, we're skipping this week, and I (Kole) will be hosting the next two episodes of the show with special guest Will Hughes, Gary's friend.\n\nWe hate missing episodes of the show, and we really try not to make a habit of it. We apologize for not having new content for you this week, and we thank you for whatever patience you can extend our way.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHey everyone! Announcement time. Gary caught Covid-19 and circumstances conspired to make it so we can\u0026#39;t have a show this week. To give him time to recover, we\u0026#39;re skipping this week, and I (Kole) will be hosting the next two episodes of the show with special guest Will Hughes, Gary\u0026#39;s friend.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWe hate missing episodes of the show, and we really try not to make a habit of it. We apologize for not having new content for you this week, and we thank you for whatever patience you can extend our way.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-07-11T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c33f2c01-4458-428d-85b8-5c15b22c768c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":1890784,"duration_in_seconds":157}]},{"id":"01e1cce7-029d-4b6c-85a6-654e9b2e9578","title":"Episode 461: M\u0026M's Kart Racing","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/461","content_text":"It's a classic Gary Butterfield pick: it's an advergame about snack food. But M\u0026amp;M's Kart Racing for the Wii also happens to be the least fun, and least functional, kart racer we've covered for the show. It also leads us to one of the more bizarre and sad wikis we've found for a property.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a classic Gary Butterfield pick: it\u0026#39;s an advergame about snack food. But M\u0026amp;M\u0026#39;s Kart Racing for the Wii also happens to be the least fun, and least functional, kart racer we\u0026#39;ve covered for the show. It also leads us to one of the more bizarre and sad wikis we\u0026#39;ve found for a property.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-07-04T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/01e1cce7-029d-4b6c-85a6-654e9b2e9578.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":36298720,"duration_in_seconds":3024}]},{"id":"c14bcf7b-3350-4fe3-9534-7d6631b8dbdd","title":"Episode 460: Mr. Bones","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/460","content_text":"Somehow it took us 460 episodes to reach Mr. Bones. I don't have an answer as to why. But, man, is it a sight to behold. You play the one skeleton on the side of good (guitars) fighting against a mindless army on the side of evil (drums), playing just the grossest, smelliest white boy blues you can.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSomehow it took us 460 episodes to reach Mr. Bones. I don\u0026#39;t have an answer as to why. But, man, is it a sight to behold. You play the one skeleton on the side of good (guitars) fighting against a mindless army on the side of evil (drums), playing just the grossest, smelliest white boy blues you can.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-06-27T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c14bcf7b-3350-4fe3-9534-7d6631b8dbdd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26979616,"duration_in_seconds":2247}]},{"id":"adba1591-180d-4c06-8b4d-e39ba75a9a79","title":"Episode 459: Nickelodeon GUTS","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/459","content_text":"Nickelodeon's GUTS, later Global GUTS, was a mainstay of the network's \"cheaply produced gameshows\" that acted as ballast for some of the other, bigger shows. Each episode, a group of kids competed in physical challenges, culminating in a trip up the Aggro Crag, for a chance to win a \"glowing piece of that radical rock\". From this setup, we get a really anemic minigame collection that's mostly repeats... so Gary talks about a juggler he saw recently.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNickelodeon\u0026#39;s GUTS, later Global GUTS, was a mainstay of the network\u0026#39;s \u0026quot;cheaply produced gameshows\u0026quot; that acted as ballast for some of the other, bigger shows. Each episode, a group of kids competed in physical challenges, culminating in a trip up the Aggro Crag, for a chance to win a \u0026quot;glowing piece of that radical rock\u0026quot;. From this setup, we get a really anemic minigame collection that\u0026#39;s mostly repeats... so Gary talks about a juggler he saw recently.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-06-20T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/adba1591-180d-4c06-8b4d-e39ba75a9a79.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30137824,"duration_in_seconds":2511}]},{"id":"2a0361e8-5975-4715-bd47-50039e47239b","title":"Episode 458: The Curious Expedition","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/458","content_text":"The Curious Expedition isn't a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but it sits at a table set with a lot of outdated tropes that don't look so great nowadays. We're pretty sure this Patron just wanted us to make a bummer episode about colonialism. So we talk about that, along with how people just drown in pig shit and we, as a society, have decided to accept that.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Curious Expedition isn\u0026#39;t a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but it sits at a table set with a lot of outdated tropes that don\u0026#39;t look so great nowadays. We\u0026#39;re pretty sure this Patron just wanted us to make a bummer episode about colonialism. So we talk about that, along with how people just drown in pig shit and we, as a society, have decided to accept that.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-06-13T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2a0361e8-5975-4715-bd47-50039e47239b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28141984,"duration_in_seconds":2344}]},{"id":"f81f7fd9-78f6-4059-a59d-8b05dfdc7cbb","title":"Episode 457: Fear Factor: Unleashed","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/457","content_text":"We're not interested in talking about whether or not Joe Rogan is a force for good. You can probably guess how we feel about his show. BUT, we are interested in how wild reality game shows got in the early 2000s, and this is a great inroads to talking about a whole bunch of them. Also, making a video game version of Fear Factor is a terrible idea.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;re not interested in talking about whether or not Joe Rogan is a force for good. You can probably guess how we feel about his show. BUT, we are interested in how wild reality game shows got in the early 2000s, and this is a great inroads to talking about a whole bunch of them. Also, making a video game version of Fear Factor is a terrible idea.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-06-06T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f81f7fd9-78f6-4059-a59d-8b05dfdc7cbb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32637952,"duration_in_seconds":2719}]},{"id":"51040be4-87c9-4a48-8544-6dfb8a1e5bb5","title":"Episode 456: Harvester","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/456","content_text":"Something is happening with our brains, and we're in this period where we're extremely receptive to schlock. To the point where we can't guarantee that Harvester won't become a WOFF! episode at some point. It's a bizarre FMV adventure game that's all about the glorification of violence, and it's full of some extremely potent, trashy horror ideas.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSomething is happening with our brains, and we\u0026#39;re in this period where we\u0026#39;re extremely receptive to schlock. To the point where we can\u0026#39;t guarantee that Harvester won\u0026#39;t become a WOFF! episode at some point. It\u0026#39;s a bizarre FMV adventure game that\u0026#39;s all about the glorification of violence, and it\u0026#39;s full of some extremely potent, trashy horror ideas.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-05-30T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/51040be4-87c9-4a48-8544-6dfb8a1e5bb5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27581566,"duration_in_seconds":2298}]},{"id":"31b925ec-3847-4a7e-b75c-d14096714d3d","title":"Episode 455: Loaded","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/455","content_text":"The kids are going to have to learn about FUB and his obscure war at some point. That's why we're covering Loaded, a bonkers shooter that has all the charm of seven Twisted Metal games rammed together. We also talk about the Miracle of Uncles.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe kids are going to have to learn about FUB and his obscure war at some point. That\u0026#39;s why we\u0026#39;re covering Loaded, a bonkers shooter that has all the charm of seven Twisted Metal games rammed together. We also talk about the Miracle of Uncles.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-05-23T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/31b925ec-3847-4a7e-b75c-d14096714d3d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33367897,"duration_in_seconds":2780}]},{"id":"612b0655-d2dd-46b1-a50e-98c9a7a4e353","title":"Episode 454: Hugo's House of Horrors","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/454","content_text":"Hugo's House of Horrors is a classic adventure game that's actually quite charming. Doubly so when you see how vehemently the designer insists that he'd never heard of Maniac Mansion before making it. We also talk about how J. Jonah Jameson and Cornholio are related, and how Kole's got snakes.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHugo\u0026#39;s House of Horrors is a classic adventure game that\u0026#39;s actually quite charming. Doubly so when you see how vehemently the designer insists that he\u0026#39;d never heard of Maniac Mansion before making it. We also talk about how J. Jonah Jameson and Cornholio are related, and how Kole\u0026#39;s got snakes.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-05-16T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/612b0655-d2dd-46b1-a50e-98c9a7a4e353.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25312988,"duration_in_seconds":2109}]},{"id":"bbc49636-4e32-48f3-afec-8881bbc15ff6","title":"Episode 453: Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/453","content_text":"This SNES has a mission to boringly go where no man has gone before! An interface that mimics the bridge of the Starship Enterprise does a lot to make this feel like a more complex game than it is, but it can't hide the terrible Away Team and ship-to-ship combat. We also talk about our Holodeck fantasies, and Kole finally gets to tell his falconry story.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis SNES has a mission to boringly go where no man has gone before! An interface that mimics the bridge of the Starship Enterprise does a lot to make this feel like a more complex game than it is, but it can\u0026#39;t hide the terrible Away Team and ship-to-ship combat. We also talk about our Holodeck fantasies, and Kole finally gets to tell his falconry story.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"","date_published":"2022-05-09T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bbc49636-4e32-48f3-afec-8881bbc15ff6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":38063982,"duration_in_seconds":3171}]},{"id":"0ea52c1a-454b-4e9e-aca0-8acbed40c0b6","title":"Episode 452: Silhouette Mirage","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/452","content_text":"This is probably someone's favorite game, which is weird to us. After the 16-bit era, Treasure kind of split in two. One part released bullet hell shooters. The other had a habit of making technical platformers that are impossibly ugly to look at. Silhouette Mirage falls into the latter camp, with a projectile affinity system that was a test run for Ikaruga's main gimmick.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis is probably someone\u0026#39;s favorite game, which is weird to us. After the 16-bit era, Treasure kind of split in two. One part released bullet hell shooters. The other had a habit of making technical platformers that are impossibly ugly to look at. Silhouette Mirage falls into the latter camp, with a projectile affinity system that was a test run for Ikaruga\u0026#39;s main gimmick.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This is probably someone's favorite game, which is weird to us.","date_published":"2022-05-02T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0ea52c1a-454b-4e9e-aca0-8acbed40c0b6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26083495,"duration_in_seconds":2173}]},{"id":"2181d513-5ef1-4763-b825-780c93e585ad","title":"Episode 451: Gourmet Warriors","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/451","content_text":"This recently revived and translated SNES game is a little less food-oriented than the title would have you believe. It's not a complete lie, but what you get is a Cho-Aniki brawler with a little bit of cooking thrown in. Which is a bummer, all told.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis recently revived and translated SNES game is a little less food-oriented than the title would have you believe. It\u0026#39;s not a complete lie, but what you get is a Cho-Aniki brawler with a little bit of cooking thrown in. Which is a bummer, all told.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This recently revived and translated SNES game is a little less food-oriented than the title would have you believe.","date_published":"2022-04-25T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2181d513-5ef1-4763-b825-780c93e585ad.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31566702,"duration_in_seconds":2630}]},{"id":"f6604194-91dc-4c59-9310-efae4c2ad374","title":"Episode 450: Jaws","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/450","content_text":"It's no longer safe to be in the water, but that was usually the case to begin with... at least of you're Gary. The Jaws NES game has a bad rap because it's very slight, but it's pretty interesting, if a little grindy. We also talk about the ethical implications of eating shark meat, but only if that shark was a really bad dude.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s no longer safe to be in the water, but that was usually the case to begin with... at least of you\u0026#39;re Gary. The Jaws NES game has a bad rap because it\u0026#39;s very slight, but it\u0026#39;s pretty interesting, if a little grindy. We also talk about the ethical implications of eating shark meat, but only if that shark was a really bad dude.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's no longer safe to be in the water, but that was usually the case to begin with.","date_published":"2022-04-18T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f6604194-91dc-4c59-9310-efae4c2ad374.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28384988,"duration_in_seconds":2365}]},{"id":"91c32494-4017-4eed-a7b7-59e56221c7a4","title":"Episode 449: DinoCity","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/449","content_text":"Imagine if you will a city of dinos. Also imagine a game based on a movie about some teens visiting that city of dinos. And imagine Kole's odds of survival when trapped in the world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Picture all of this in your dreams.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eImagine if you will a city of dinos. Also imagine a game based on a movie about some teens visiting that city of dinos. And imagine Kole\u0026#39;s odds of survival when trapped in the world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Picture all of this in your dreams.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Imagine if you will a city of dinos.","date_published":"2022-04-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/91c32494-4017-4eed-a7b7-59e56221c7a4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31726258,"duration_in_seconds":2643}]},{"id":"7a12a4e6-afe7-4568-975b-82dea7fdea32","title":"Episode 448: ELEX","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/448","content_text":"This one gets a little... gross. Of course we begin by talking about ELEX, a game from the team that made the Gothic and Risen series, which we had never heard about before. It's not terrible, just generally shoddy. What IS terrible is the direction  Gary takes this episode.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis one gets a little... gross. Of course we begin by talking about ELEX, a game from the team that made the Gothic and Risen series, which we had never heard about before. It\u0026#39;s not terrible, just generally shoddy. What IS terrible is the direction  Gary takes this episode.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This one gets a little... gross.","date_published":"2022-04-04T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7a12a4e6-afe7-4568-975b-82dea7fdea32.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30353889,"duration_in_seconds":2529}]},{"id":"659e1597-f1e4-4765-b358-edb07b03b1a2","title":"Episode 447: Left Alive","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/447","content_text":"We know about Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake, but are you ready to meet their little brother Solid-ish Snake? The concept for this game is good: What is it like to be stranded behind enemy lines as a footsoldier in a time when wars are fought entirely by mechs? Too bad it squanders it by feeling terrible in the hands and being very opaque in how it presents information to the player. So we talk about how we feel we'd fare against a mech instead.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe know about Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake, but are you ready to meet their little brother Solid-ish Snake? The concept for this game is good: What is it like to be stranded behind enemy lines as a footsoldier in a time when wars are fought entirely by mechs? Too bad it squanders it by feeling terrible in the hands and being very opaque in how it presents information to the player. So we talk about how we feel we\u0026#39;d fare against a mech instead.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We know about Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake, but are you ready to meet their little brother Solid-ish Snake?","date_published":"2022-03-28T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/659e1597-f1e4-4765-b358-edb07b03b1a2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25582885,"duration_in_seconds":2131}]},{"id":"8347b2ce-3612-4d51-a022-3e36f1569f6a","title":"Episode 446: Reventure","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/446","content_text":"Reventure is a cute little joke platformer about the many ways that quests can end. It's got a little Stanley Parable in it, along with a little Don't Shit Your Pants. It's not a bad game, and actually kinda neat, so we instead talk about Dangerous Animals shows, and Kole tortures Gary with home improvement chat.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eReventure is a cute little joke platformer about the many ways that quests can end. It\u0026#39;s got a little Stanley Parable in it, along with a little Don\u0026#39;t Shit Your Pants. It\u0026#39;s not a bad game, and actually kinda neat, so we instead talk about Dangerous Animals shows, and Kole tortures Gary with home improvement chat.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A cute little joke platformer about the many ways a quest can end.","date_published":"2022-03-21T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8347b2ce-3612-4d51-a022-3e36f1569f6a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26168446,"duration_in_seconds":2180}]},{"id":"d5115112-1837-4b03-9325-12f28255f9c6","title":"Episode 445: Tweenies: Game Time","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/445","content_text":"Listen, have fun, go mad, get buried in a Dymaxion house. That's about the order of operations in this episode about a UK-only kids game based on a property called the Tweenies. They like to have fun and dance around, and one time a genie trapped them in the jungle with dinosaurs. But is there a more sinister side?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen, have fun, go mad, get buried in a Dymaxion house. That\u0026#39;s about the order of operations in this episode about a UK-only kids game based on a property called the Tweenies. They like to have fun and dance around, and one time a genie trapped them in the jungle with dinosaurs. But is there a more sinister side?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listen, have fun, go mad, get buried in a Dymaxion house.","date_published":"2022-03-14T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d5115112-1837-4b03-9325-12f28255f9c6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32365735,"duration_in_seconds":2696}]},{"id":"91e2261f-a90f-4f91-bed2-1a3f9aefda62","title":"Episode 444: Game Dev Tycoon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/444","content_text":"Why would you play a game about making games when you could make a game yourself, said the wise man, you absolute clod. Game Dev Tycoon bears a striking resemblance to Kairosoft's Game Dev Story, and they have caught plenty of heat for that, but if you're going to mimic a light management sim, there are far worse examples to crib from.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhy would you play a game about making games when you could make a game yourself, said the wise man, you absolute clod. Game Dev Tycoon bears a striking resemblance to Kairosoft\u0026#39;s Game Dev Story, and they have caught plenty of heat for that, but if you\u0026#39;re going to mimic a light management sim, there are far worse examples to crib from.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Why would you play a game about making games when you could make a game yourself, said the wise man, you absolute clod.","date_published":"2022-03-07T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/91e2261f-a90f-4f91-bed2-1a3f9aefda62.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25120517,"duration_in_seconds":2093}]},{"id":"74a2bfe1-0a51-4e7f-8981-9ed071cd9de5","title":"Episode 443: Saint Sword","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/443","content_text":"The Genesis is home to some very weird and obscure games, and Saint Sword is one of those. We use its strange transformation powerups to launch into a prolonged conversation about the pros and cons of centaurism.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Genesis is home to some very weird and obscure games, and Saint Sword is one of those. We use its strange transformation powerups to launch into a prolonged conversation about the pros and cons of centaurism.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Genesis is home to some very weird and obscure games, and Saint Sword is one of those.","date_published":"2022-02-21T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/74a2bfe1-0a51-4e7f-8981-9ed071cd9de5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26868109,"duration_in_seconds":2238}]},{"id":"78d0e352-b7af-499c-a166-c5e9efb61709","title":"Episode 442: Command \u0026 Conquer: Red Alert 3","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/442","content_text":"Is it here because it's a late entry in a beloved series that changed hands? No, it's here so we can joyously talk about the opening cutscenes. It's very hard to be mad at this game unless your favorite unit got nerfed. Then you'll hold a murderous grudge for life.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIs it here because it\u0026#39;s a late entry in a beloved series that changed hands? No, it\u0026#39;s here so we can joyously talk about the opening cutscenes. It\u0026#39;s very hard to be mad at this game unless your favorite unit got nerfed. Then you\u0026#39;ll hold a murderous grudge for life.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Is it here because it's a late entry in a beloved series that changed hands? No, it's here so we can joyously talk about the opening cutscenes.","date_published":"2022-02-14T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/78d0e352-b7af-499c-a166-c5e9efb61709.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24448753,"duration_in_seconds":2037}]},{"id":"9ba8b606-e8b4-4152-9824-6fd7427609cf","title":"Episode 441: Smarties: Meltdown","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/441","content_text":"We chose this game on the basis of a misunderstanding, because the UK doesn't know how to name candy. What we thought would be a game about those sweet, sour, chalky tablets, ended up being a game about big M\u0026amp;Ms. Would the game based on the chalky candy have been any better? It's impossible to say, so we'll say yes. Yes, it would have been better.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe chose this game on the basis of a misunderstanding, because the UK doesn\u0026#39;t know how to name candy. What we thought would be a game about those sweet, sour, chalky tablets, ended up being a game about big M\u0026amp;Ms. Would the game based on the chalky candy have been any better? It\u0026#39;s impossible to say, so we\u0026#39;ll say yes. Yes, it would have been better.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We chose this game on the basis of a misunderstanding, because the UK doesn't know how to name candy.","date_published":"2022-02-07T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9ba8b606-e8b4-4152-9824-6fd7427609cf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26135531,"duration_in_seconds":2177}]},{"id":"90bc79a4-7497-4b85-a666-9d1ba6994840","title":"Episode 440: Duck Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/440","content_text":"We take this perfectly fine party game and play it exactly the wrong way... Alone! We also talk about hats, the problem of having a head that's too big, and the meanest thing Gary has ever done.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe take this perfectly fine party game and play it exactly the wrong way... Alone! We also talk about hats, the problem of having a head that\u0026#39;s too big, and the meanest thing Gary has ever done.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We take this perfectly fine party game and play it exactly the wrong way... Alone!","date_published":"2022-01-31T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/90bc79a4-7497-4b85-a666-9d1ba6994840.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25296374,"duration_in_seconds":2107}]},{"id":"a2d5c232-533d-41be-bbbc-dccbf38016f4","title":"Episode 439: Vegas Stakes","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/439","content_text":"Hop into a limo with $1,000 and your worst yuppie friends and head to Vegas in order to learn about the hidden horrors of strangers approaching you to ask for things. Also, we learn about the daring exploits of Mr. Colo$tomy, high roller extraordinaire.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHop into a limo with $1,000 and your worst yuppie friends and head to Vegas in order to learn about the hidden horrors of strangers approaching you to ask for things. Also, we learn about the daring exploits of Mr. Colo$tomy, high roller extraordinaire.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hop into a limo with $1,000 and your worst yuppie friends and head to Vegas in order to learn about the hidden horrors of strangers approaching you to ask for things.","date_published":"2022-01-24T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a2d5c232-533d-41be-bbbc-dccbf38016f4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23942499,"duration_in_seconds":1994}]},{"id":"040401ba-cc97-468d-af5a-9e0925988bef","title":"Episode 438: Ronin","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/438","content_text":"It's hard to know what Devolver Digital was thinking when they signed on this one. You may think the idea of a turn-based side scrolling stealth game sounds cool, and it might be, but only if it was... finished. Ronin is not.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s hard to know what Devolver Digital was thinking when they signed on this one. You may think the idea of a turn-based side scrolling stealth game sounds cool, and it might be, but only if it was... finished. Ronin is not.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's hard to know what Devolver Digital was thinking when they signed on this one.","date_published":"2022-01-17T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/040401ba-cc97-468d-af5a-9e0925988bef.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26766232,"duration_in_seconds":2230}]},{"id":"a69f6ce8-4664-476b-b4b1-32efca8666a0","title":"Episode 437: That's So Raven: Psychic on the Scene","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/437","content_text":"What follows is an in-depth report on what qualities someone must possess to be \"so raven\". This Disney Channel millennial favorite is, honestly, a conceptual 50 car pileup, and the universe it inhabits is so weird we only get a chance to scratch its surface.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat follows is an in-depth report on what qualities someone must possess to be \u0026quot;so raven\u0026quot;. This Disney Channel millennial favorite is, honestly, a conceptual 50 car pileup, and the universe it inhabits is so weird we only get a chance to scratch its surface.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What follows is an in-depth report on what qualities someone must possess to be \"so raven\".","date_published":"2022-01-10T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a69f6ce8-4664-476b-b4b1-32efca8666a0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22390826,"duration_in_seconds":1865}]},{"id":"6a91b7b6-6b9a-45d7-bade-1ce8038e41a0","title":"Episode 436: Desert Bus VR","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/436","content_text":"It's the video game version of \"The Song That Never Ends\", and ironically it ALSO pisses off bus drivers. A joke game created for an unreleased Penn and Teller prank game, Desert Bus has ascended from myth to meme to genuine charity hero. We talk a little about its history, then bag on how terrible road trips are.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s the video game version of \u0026quot;The Song That Never Ends\u0026quot;, and ironically it ALSO pisses off bus drivers. A joke game created for an unreleased Penn and Teller prank game, Desert Bus has ascended from myth to meme to genuine charity hero. We talk a little about its history, then bag on how terrible road trips are.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's the video game version of \"The Song That Never Ends\", and ironically it ALSO pisses off bus drivers.","date_published":"2022-01-03T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6a91b7b6-6b9a-45d7-bade-1ce8038e41a0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27995659,"duration_in_seconds":2332}]},{"id":"61b03ab7-bd1f-4a74-b8eb-1285159a7f70","title":"Episode 435: One Must Fall 2097","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/435","content_text":"One Must Fall 2097 is an illustration that the Console/PC gap cuts boths ways, depending on the genre. While the PC exceled at first person shooters and RPGs early on, it struggled with racing games and fighting games... though it's not like they didn't try. An early effort by Epic, this fighting game pits Dorito robots against each other, with different pilots you cannot see.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOne Must Fall 2097 is an illustration that the Console/PC gap cuts boths ways, depending on the genre. While the PC exceled at first person shooters and RPGs early on, it struggled with racing games and fighting games... though it\u0026#39;s not like they didn\u0026#39;t try. An early effort by Epic, this fighting game pits Dorito robots against each other, with different pilots you cannot see.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An illustration that the Console/PC gap cuts boths ways, depending on the genre.","date_published":"2021-12-27T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/61b03ab7-bd1f-4a74-b8eb-1285159a7f70.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26724227,"duration_in_seconds":2226}]},{"id":"024d7c66-258d-4931-85b8-41cc8275f302","title":"Episode 434: Screaming Mad George's ParanoiaScape","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/434","content_text":"You remember this object from your childhood? Now it's covered in blood! That's the 90s industrial touch, baybee. Listen to us talk about this strange first-person pinball game and wrestle with why effort isn't inherently a bad thing, but it can certainly make things worse.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou remember this object from your childhood? Now it\u0026#39;s covered in blood! That\u0026#39;s the 90s industrial touch, baybee. Listen to us talk about this strange first-person pinball game and wrestle with why effort isn\u0026#39;t inherently a bad thing, but it can certainly make things worse.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You remember this object from your childhood? Now it's covered in blood!","date_published":"2021-12-20T17:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/024d7c66-258d-4931-85b8-41cc8275f302.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25526774,"duration_in_seconds":2126}]},{"id":"b8f5a2ba-8b7b-42dc-8dbe-22a8f48331d5","title":"Episode 433: Rampage 2: Universal Tour","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/433","content_text":"It's a clash of the titans, as we clash about whether this game about titanic animals is any fun. And that makes for an episode that, on the whole, stays on topic! At least in comparison to the other episodes of this show.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a clash of the titans, as we clash about whether this game about titanic animals is any fun. And that makes for an episode that, on the whole, stays on topic! At least in comparison to the other episodes of this show.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a clash of the titans, as we clash about whether this game about titanic animals is any fun.","date_published":"2021-12-13T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b8f5a2ba-8b7b-42dc-8dbe-22a8f48331d5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21843508,"duration_in_seconds":1819}]},{"id":"93a7d49d-78dd-4e7e-9c20-88aeee9780af","title":"Episode 432: The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino and Hoppy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/432","content_text":"What happens when your toilet is also a living creature who produces waste? We talk about this and more, and unsuccessfully try to not make this episode all about how old television was terrible.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat happens when your toilet is also a living creature who produces waste? We talk about this and more, and unsuccessfully try to not make this episode all about how old television was terrible.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What happens when your toilet is also a living creature who produces waste?","date_published":"2021-12-06T17:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/93a7d49d-78dd-4e7e-9c20-88aeee9780af.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24100175,"duration_in_seconds":2008}]},{"id":"9c3a43d5-f8dc-47bd-9e7b-a86caa33401b","title":"Episode 431: Corncob 3D","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/431","content_text":"A game with an unlikely name has an outsized legacy, weirdly turning into an engine for early 3D first person PC games. But before we hit that, we have to talk about unlikely showbiz rites of passage and a very bad brush with emesis.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA game with an unlikely name has an outsized legacy, weirdly turning into an engine for early 3D first person PC games. But before we hit that, we have to talk about unlikely showbiz rites of passage and a very bad brush with emesis.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A game with an unlikely name has an outsized legacy...","date_published":"2021-11-29T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9c3a43d5-f8dc-47bd-9e7b-a86caa33401b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":40034764,"duration_in_seconds":3335}]},{"id":"75597e34-db07-4442-b38a-fdb981cb1df8","title":"Episode 430: Treasures of the Deep","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/430","content_text":"Odd are you played it on a demo disk back in the day, but this PlayStation game is better and weirder than you'd expect. Also, heads up, there's a gnarly anecdote about a plumbing accident that gets about as bad as it could possibly get. If you're squeamish, you'll know when to turn things off.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOdd are you played it on a demo disk back in the day, but this PlayStation game is better and weirder than you\u0026#39;d expect. Also, heads up, there\u0026#39;s a gnarly anecdote about a plumbing accident that gets about as bad as it could possibly get. If you\u0026#39;re squeamish, you\u0026#39;ll know when to turn things off.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Odd are you played it on a demo disk back in the day, but this PlayStation game is better and weirder than you'd expect.","date_published":"2021-11-22T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/75597e34-db07-4442-b38a-fdb981cb1df8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33659737,"duration_in_seconds":2804}]},{"id":"512957ae-1d33-4d0d-a67c-b38aea09cf57","title":"Episode 429: Goosebumps HorrorLand","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/429","content_text":"We can't lie and say this minigame collection is any good, but we CAN talk about how great the Goosebumps books are. And we can gush about how important kids' horror media was to us when we were young.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe can\u0026#39;t lie and say this minigame collection is any good, but we CAN talk about how great the Goosebumps books are. And we can gush about how important kids\u0026#39; horror media was to us when we were young.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We can't lie and say this minigame collection is any good, but we CAN talk about how great the Goosebumps books are.","date_published":"2021-11-15T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/512957ae-1d33-4d0d-a67c-b38aea09cf57.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21637246,"duration_in_seconds":1802}]},{"id":"fde734bc-deef-410b-b0e9-2b54fcc0c531","title":"Episode 428: Forbes Corporate Warrior","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/428","content_text":"A boring Battlezone clone's hilarious manual sets us off onto talking about business monsters again. You might not believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You might not WANT to believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You aren't ready for Forbes Corporate Warrior to exist.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA boring Battlezone clone\u0026#39;s hilarious manual sets us off onto talking about business monsters again. You might not believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You might not WANT to believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You aren\u0026#39;t ready for Forbes Corporate Warrior to exist.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A boring Battlezone clone's hilarious manual sets us off onto talking about business monsters again.","date_published":"2021-11-08T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fde734bc-deef-410b-b0e9-2b54fcc0c531.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30300913,"duration_in_seconds":2524}]},{"id":"081ad402-6f1c-47f7-932a-6a8c52ad57f6","title":"Episode 427: Max Payne (GBA)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/427","content_text":"Funny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of. Which isn't to say that the mini version of Max Payne isn't impressive in its own way... It's just frustrating to always get killed by enemies who are off-screen.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFunny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of. Which isn\u0026#39;t to say that the mini version of Max Payne isn\u0026#39;t impressive in its own way... It\u0026#39;s just frustrating to always get killed by enemies who are off-screen.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Funny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of.","date_published":"2021-11-01T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/081ad402-6f1c-47f7-932a-6a8c52ad57f6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31630336,"duration_in_seconds":2635}]},{"id":"7a9a7759-105a-480c-9ee0-e32735d37788","title":"Episode 426: Deer Avenger","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/426","content_text":"Crass, classist humor can't paper over a thin game long enough for us to not find another truly depressing internet phenomenon. And we can't stress enough: be cool.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCrass, classist humor can\u0026#39;t paper over a thin game long enough for us to not find another truly depressing internet phenomenon. And we can\u0026#39;t stress enough: be cool.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Crass, classist humor can't paper over a thin game long enough for us to not find another truly depressing internet phenomenon.","date_published":"2021-10-25T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7a9a7759-105a-480c-9ee0-e32735d37788.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":36044926,"duration_in_seconds":3003}]},{"id":"05a41c65-1083-4e01-9d22-3cd69065c189","title":"Episode 425: Monster Garden","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/425","content_text":"This game isn't bad, but it's really not for us. You play as a monster who wants to grow his garden, which means going into little pocket dimensions to make friends to bring back home. This turns into a message game about how to be a better friend to yourself... but it's all very basic, and the writing clangs on our taste. So instead, we talk about some strange encounters Gary recently had in Portland.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis game isn\u0026#39;t bad, but it\u0026#39;s really not for us. You play as a monster who wants to grow his garden, which means going into little pocket dimensions to make friends to bring back home. This turns into a message game about how to be a better friend to yourself... but it\u0026#39;s all very basic, and the writing clangs on our taste. So instead, we talk about some strange encounters Gary recently had in Portland.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This game isn't bad, but it's really not for us.","date_published":"2021-10-18T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/05a41c65-1083-4e01-9d22-3cd69065c189.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35633027,"duration_in_seconds":2969}]},{"id":"1493ee79-d560-4f19-9943-18ed26c25818","title":"Episode 424: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/424","content_text":"We've only made this mistake once before, but there was a calendar whoopsie. So while we primarily talk about Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, we also get a little bit of Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. A minor misunderstanding gives way to discussions of frightening produce and the ravages of age.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;ve only made this mistake once before, but there was a calendar whoopsie. So while we primarily talk about Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, we also get a little bit of Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. A minor misunderstanding gives way to discussions of frightening produce and the ravages of age.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A minor misunderstanding gives way to discussions of frightening produce and the ravages of age.","date_published":"2021-10-11T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1493ee79-d560-4f19-9943-18ed26c25818.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34840890,"duration_in_seconds":2903}]},{"id":"dc7aee23-552d-4b56-b635-6781766885d1","title":"Episode 423: Peasant's Quest","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/423","content_text":"Kole may not be able to convince Gary that Homestar Runner is funny, but at least we can both agree that the porn game that's also named Peasant's Quest is gross as heck.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKole may not be able to convince Gary that Homestar Runner is funny, but at least we can both agree that the porn game that\u0026#39;s also named Peasant\u0026#39;s Quest is gross as heck.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You just can't talk someone into thinking something's funny.","date_published":"2021-10-04T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dc7aee23-552d-4b56-b635-6781766885d1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24079172,"duration_in_seconds":2006}]},{"id":"ac91cb9b-76ac-4a5c-85bd-e588e6be5d06","title":"Episode 422: Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/422","content_text":"We got burned by a name again. But can you blame us? \"Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!\" is a really tempting name for an Abject Suffering game. So we took the bait, realized we don't really have any eyeball digressions, and flounder for a while. Damn you, asset flip games!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe got burned by a name again. But can you blame us? \u0026quot;Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!\u0026quot; is a really tempting name for an Abject Suffering game. So we took the bait, realized we don\u0026#39;t really have any eyeball digressions, and flounder for a while. Damn you, asset flip games!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We got burned by a name again.","date_published":"2021-09-27T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ac91cb9b-76ac-4a5c-85bd-e588e6be5d06.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28215401,"duration_in_seconds":2350}]},{"id":"92fa52e6-9459-4d59-b3aa-0d85dfb4a5d8","title":"Episode 421: Pandmeonium","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/421","content_text":"A clown, his horrible stick, and a very normal woman end the world and have to try to un-end it. But we mostly end up talking about sex toys and weird Captain Planet villain eggs.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA clown, his horrible stick, and a very normal woman end the world and have to try to un-end it. But we mostly end up talking about sex toys and weird Captain Planet villain eggs.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A clown, his horrible stick, and a very normal woman end the world and have to try to un-end it.","date_published":"2021-09-20T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/92fa52e6-9459-4d59-b3aa-0d85dfb4a5d8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30778013,"duration_in_seconds":2564}]},{"id":"a35df08e-b541-4c2c-b197-4c68460542e4","title":"Episode 420: Pringles: The Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/420","content_text":"Throw another entry onto our list of games about snacks. But Pringles: The Game isn't an official product... it's a Sega Genesis ROM created by a hobbyist in the 21st century. This is a labor of love, made only out of enthusiasm for those pressed salty shavings.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThrow another entry onto our list of games about snacks. But Pringles: The Game isn\u0026#39;t an official product... it\u0026#39;s a Sega Genesis ROM created by a hobbyist in the 21st century. This is a labor of love, made only out of enthusiasm for those pressed salty shavings.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This is a labor of love, made only out of enthusiasm for those pressed salty shavings.","date_published":"2021-09-13T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a35df08e-b541-4c2c-b197-4c68460542e4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31844749,"duration_in_seconds":2653}]},{"id":"288b9b9f-80b2-4331-9a68-73f8b9343b4c","title":"Episode 419: Heroes of Might and Magic: Quest for the Dragon Bone Staff","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/419","content_text":"An episode where, admittedly, neither of us can remember a specific aspect of the Heroes of Might and Magic universe... but it doesn't matter, because this is actually just King's Bounty! So you can't trick us with your lies.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn episode where, admittedly, neither of us can remember a specific aspect of the Heroes of Might and Magic universe... but it doesn\u0026#39;t matter, because this is actually just King\u0026#39;s Bounty! So you can\u0026#39;t trick us with your lies.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An episode where, admittedly, neither of us can remember a specific aspect of the Heroes of Might and Magic universe... but it doesn't matter, because this is actually just King's Bounty!","date_published":"2021-09-06T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/288b9b9f-80b2-4331-9a68-73f8b9343b4c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34986340,"duration_in_seconds":2915}]},{"id":"b67f6cc2-4b48-4acf-b2a9-4f91677108f5","title":"Episode 418: I.Q.: Intelligent Qube","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/418","content_text":"This is actually a good game, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about Forbidden Cubes. If you're familiar with this, it's probably because of a demo disk that came with your PlayStation, or from buying the PlayStation Classic mini-console. Its austere, frankly creepy presentation wraps up a satisfying puzzle game that gives us plenty of geometry-based digression material.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis is actually a good game, but we couldn\u0026#39;t pass up the opportunity to talk about Forbidden Cubes. If you\u0026#39;re familiar with this, it\u0026#39;s probably because of a demo disk that came with your PlayStation, or from buying the PlayStation Classic mini-console. Its austere, frankly creepy presentation wraps up a satisfying puzzle game that gives us plenty of geometry-based digression material.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This is actually a good game, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about Forbidden Cubes.","date_published":"2021-08-30T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b67f6cc2-4b48-4acf-b2a9-4f91677108f5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23854101,"duration_in_seconds":1987}]},{"id":"4967e031-1c6d-475e-820c-ac51af1f35f1","title":"Episode 417: What Linus Bruckman Sees When His Eyes Are Closed","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/417","content_text":"This week we talk about an experimental indie adventure game that seems fine, we just weren't in the mood for it at the time. So we talk about proper marshmallows, letting 'er rip, and pepper spray.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week we talk about an experimental indie adventure game that seems fine, we just weren\u0026#39;t in the mood for it at the time. So we talk about proper marshmallows, letting \u0026#39;er rip, and pepper spray.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week we talk about an experimental indie adventure game that seems fine, we just weren't in the mood for it at the time. So we talk about proper marshmallows, letting 'er rip, and pepper spray.","date_published":"2021-08-23T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4967e031-1c6d-475e-820c-ac51af1f35f1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27376870,"duration_in_seconds":2281}]},{"id":"6d012a40-56c9-480a-ac54-636f9ea6bd54","title":"Episode 416: The Toxic Crusaders","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/416","content_text":"Troma decided to take the disgusting and disturbing Toxic Avenger series and adapt it... for kids! What we got was a one season animated show that was a weak stab at Captain Planet, but at least it resulted in some neat toys. Oh, and some very bad video games.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTroma decided to take the disgusting and disturbing Toxic Avenger series and adapt it... for kids! What we got was a one season animated show that was a weak stab at Captain Planet, but at least it resulted in some neat toys. Oh, and some very bad video games.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Troma decided to take the disgusting and disturbing Toxic Avenger series and adapt it... for kids!","date_published":"2021-08-16T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6d012a40-56c9-480a-ac54-636f9ea6bd54.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25459064,"duration_in_seconds":2121}]},{"id":"255184ae-1d96-4ff3-8b76-9c138c91e5c4","title":"Episode 415: How Do You Do It?","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/415","content_text":"This week has us looking at a fun little indie game about a young girl trying to use her dolls to figure out how people have sex. It's a very small project, made over three days for a game jam, but it's a fun springboard into a few conversations about sex and insecurity.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week has us looking at a fun little indie game about a young girl trying to use her dolls to figure out how people have sex. It\u0026#39;s a very small project, made over three days for a game jam, but it\u0026#39;s a fun springboard into a few conversations about sex and insecurity.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week has us looking at a fun little indie game about a young girl trying to use her dolls to figure out how people have sex.","date_published":"2021-08-09T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/255184ae-1d96-4ff3-8b76-9c138c91e5c4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23307724,"duration_in_seconds":1941}]},{"id":"2a0365fe-1ab9-437b-a45e-79b1523037ff","title":"Episode 414: Toilet Tycoon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/414","content_text":"The good news is that this episode doesn't get as gross as you'd expect. This is a modern-ish remake of a storied German franchise where you start and run an pay toilet empire. Which isn't a terrible idea, even if the execution stinks.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe good news is that this episode doesn\u0026#39;t get as gross as you\u0026#39;d expect. This is a modern-ish remake of a storied German franchise where you start and run an pay toilet empire. Which isn\u0026#39;t a terrible idea, even if the execution stinks.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The good news is that this episode doesn't get as gross as you'd expect.","date_published":"2021-08-02T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2a0365fe-1ab9-437b-a45e-79b1523037ff.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23536870,"duration_in_seconds":1961}]},{"id":"b04257b6-7992-4da7-b651-22a95c595cab","title":"Episode 413: JFK Reloaded","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/413","content_text":"Remember when conspiracy theories were fun? It feels like a long time ago. It's also strange to look back at old video game controversies and realize how quaint they are. Case in point, 2004's \"JFK Reloaded\" caused an outcry because of its subject matter. Is it tasteless to recreate the assassination of a beloved U.S. president? We personally don't think so, and you can listen to hear us make our case.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRemember when conspiracy theories were fun? It feels like a long time ago. It\u0026#39;s also strange to look back at old video game controversies and realize how quaint they are. Case in point, 2004\u0026#39;s \u0026quot;JFK Reloaded\u0026quot; caused an outcry because of its subject matter. Is it tasteless to recreate the assassination of a beloved U.S. president? We personally don\u0026#39;t think so, and you can listen to hear us make our case.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?","date_published":"2021-07-26T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b04257b6-7992-4da7-b651-22a95c595cab.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23662258,"duration_in_seconds":1971}]},{"id":"2ab11443-4048-4713-a443-f1f969bae7d3","title":"Episode 412: Pass the Pigs: Let the Good Swines Roll","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/412","content_text":"There was no reason for them to digitize this simple dice game, but they did it anyway, and gave it one crackerjack title. We talk about road trip memories, rural fair competitions, and generally vibe about how great and horrifying pigs can be.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere was no reason for them to digitize this simple dice game, but they did it anyway, and gave it one crackerjack title. We talk about road trip memories, rural fair competitions, and generally vibe about how great and horrifying pigs can be.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There was no reason for them to digitize this simple dice game, but they did it anyway, and gave it one crackerjack title.","date_published":"2021-07-19T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2ab11443-4048-4713-a443-f1f969bae7d3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24961588,"duration_in_seconds":2079}]},{"id":"5a712468-5e77-4028-8326-1ba41fa5711c","title":"Episode 411: Boktai: The Sun is in Your Hands","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/411","content_text":"Do you have fond memories of this? Sorry! It's pretty bad! We talk about the misguided gimmick (a cartridge with a solar light sensor) that looms large over a stealth RPG that was already pretty bad. Games will need to get up much earlier in the morning if they want to make us go outside.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDo you have fond memories of this? Sorry! It\u0026#39;s pretty bad! We talk about the misguided gimmick (a cartridge with a solar light sensor) that looms large over a stealth RPG that was already pretty bad. Games will need to get up much earlier in the morning if they want to make us go outside.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Do you have fond memories of this? Sorry! It's pretty bad!","date_published":"2021-07-12T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5a712468-5e77-4028-8326-1ba41fa5711c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27443012,"duration_in_seconds":2286}]},{"id":"abcf61be-d449-4af9-9ff5-0ac3b2c7a727","title":"Episode 410: Knuckles' Chaotix","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/410","content_text":"Knuckles' Chaotix is the only game that could possibly embody the sheer awkwardness of the Sega 32X. It stars Knuckles and his shitty friends as they attempt to stop Dr. Robotnik from doing something I guess. The problem is, Knuckles is bound to his co-op partner by a stretchy energy band, which makes doing \"Sonic\" stuff impossible. But they still expect you to do Sonic stuff.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKnuckles\u0026#39; Chaotix is the only game that could possibly embody the sheer awkwardness of the Sega 32X. It stars Knuckles and his shitty friends as they attempt to stop Dr. Robotnik from doing something I guess. The problem is, Knuckles is bound to his co-op partner by a stretchy energy band, which makes doing \u0026quot;Sonic\u0026quot; stuff impossible. But they still expect you to do Sonic stuff.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The only game that could possibly embody the sheer awkwardness of the Sega 32X.","date_published":"2021-07-05T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/abcf61be-d449-4af9-9ff5-0ac3b2c7a727.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35041824,"duration_in_seconds":2919}]},{"id":"b8723490-2c47-4a00-abe6-9b59e8851d46","title":"Episode 409: Chaos Legion","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/409","content_text":"A divine agent has gone rogue, taking the sacred texts with him and throwing the whole world into chaos. It's up to you to find him and stop the crisis in the most mind-numbing way possible.\n\nAlso, we talk about that time a car crashed into Gary's house at 3am.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA divine agent has gone rogue, taking the sacred texts with him and throwing the whole world into chaos. It\u0026#39;s up to you to find him and stop the crisis in the most mind-numbing way possible.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAlso, we talk about that time a car crashed into Gary\u0026#39;s house at 3am.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A divine agent has gone rogue, taking the sacred texts with him and throwing the whole world into chaos. It's up to you to find him and stop the crisis in the most mind-numbing way possible.","date_published":"2021-06-28T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b8723490-2c47-4a00-abe6-9b59e8851d46.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30473007,"duration_in_seconds":2539}]},{"id":"1b24054f-1e8a-4158-a8d2-23083164fc37","title":"Episode 408: The California Raisins: The Grape Escape","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/408","content_text":"Dried fruit almost had a home in the NES in this mediocre platformer published by Capcom. The problem is, the popular California Raisins commercials, where sentient fruit performed Motown classics, cost more to produce than they generated in sales. So the California Raisins went away, and this game didn't see the light of day until recently.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDried fruit almost had a home in the NES in this mediocre platformer published by Capcom. The problem is, the popular California Raisins commercials, where sentient fruit performed Motown classics, cost more to produce than they generated in sales. So the California Raisins went away, and this game didn\u0026#39;t see the light of day until recently.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Dried fruit almost had a home in the NES in this mediocre platformer published by Capcom.","date_published":"2021-06-21T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1b24054f-1e8a-4158-a8d2-23083164fc37.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23754418,"duration_in_seconds":1979}]},{"id":"cd2b793f-1f51-483e-9bbd-9764dfcbf11b","title":"Episode 407: Mystery Stories: Mountains of Madness","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/407","content_text":"And the award for \"most obscure Lovecraft game adaptation\" goes to... This thing. It's actually not that bad, though! While this is our first Hidden Object game, the genre was extremely popular with casual gamers for a while. And this seems like a good one, eschewing most of the pixel hunting for a basic point-and-click adventure setup. We honestly thought this would be worse.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAnd the award for \u0026quot;most obscure Lovecraft game adaptation\u0026quot; goes to... This thing. It\u0026#39;s actually not that bad, though! While this is our first Hidden Object game, the genre was extremely popular with casual gamers for a while. And this seems like a good one, eschewing most of the pixel hunting for a basic point-and-click adventure setup. We honestly thought this would be worse.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"And the award for \"most obscure Lovecraft game adaptation\" goes to...","date_published":"2021-06-14T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cd2b793f-1f51-483e-9bbd-9764dfcbf11b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25509533,"duration_in_seconds":2125}]},{"id":"fc5afd0d-6d99-40cf-9ca7-54db30edfa7b","title":"Episode 406: Celebrity Deathmatch","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/406","content_text":"Back around the turn of the millennium, before social media forever changed what the word \"celebrity\" meant, \"Celebrity Death Match\" was a staple of the late night MTV lineup. It was an exceedingly violent claymation show where different celebrities wrestled to the death, often with \"jokes\" that mostly just made fun of women. They made a game out of this, and we made an episode out that game, which turns out to be the Super Smash Bros. of gathering as many sexual predators into one game as possible.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBack around the turn of the millennium, before social media forever changed what the word \u0026quot;celebrity\u0026quot; meant, \u0026quot;Celebrity Death Match\u0026quot; was a staple of the late night MTV lineup. It was an exceedingly violent claymation show where different celebrities wrestled to the death, often with \u0026quot;jokes\u0026quot; that mostly just made fun of women. They made a game out of this, and we made an episode out that game, which turns out to be the Super Smash Bros. of gathering as many sexual predators into one game as possible.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's basically the Super Smash Bros. of cramming as many sexual predators into a game as possible.","date_published":"2021-06-07T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fc5afd0d-6d99-40cf-9ca7-54db30edfa7b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":41377980,"duration_in_seconds":3447}]},{"id":"591ba824-38ff-41e1-bfca-731b3413d639","title":"Episode 405: F-18: No Fly Zone","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/405","content_text":"This game is nothing, but it's also a reminder of a forgotten era of Windows 3.1 aesthetics and production values. We know basically nothing about jets, so instead we invent the character of Periodicles and talk about the Torso Killer.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis game is nothing, but it\u0026#39;s also a reminder of a forgotten era of Windows 3.1 aesthetics and production values. We know basically nothing about jets, so instead we invent the character of Periodicles and talk about the Torso Killer.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This game is nothing, but it's also a reminder of a forgotten era of Windows 3.1 aesthetics and production values.","date_published":"2021-05-31T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/591ba824-38ff-41e1-bfca-731b3413d639.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26776890,"duration_in_seconds":2231}]},{"id":"900210b8-8aa1-46e7-9c97-ad5b1424edb5","title":"Episode 404: Timecop","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/404","content_text":"Timecop was created out of necessity once someone realized \"Time\" and \"Crime\" rhymed. Jean-Claude Van Damme took a break between railing miles of coke to act as an enforcer for an agency trying to stop people from using time travel to get rich. Then they made a really bad game out of it.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTimecop was created out of necessity once someone realized \u0026quot;Time\u0026quot; and \u0026quot;Crime\u0026quot; rhymed. Jean-Claude Van Damme took a break between railing miles of coke to act as an enforcer for an agency trying to stop people from using time travel to get rich. Then they made a really bad game out of it.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Timecop was created out of necessity once someone realized \"Time\" and \"Crime\" rhymed.","date_published":"2021-05-24T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/900210b8-8aa1-46e7-9c97-ad5b1424edb5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26608870,"duration_in_seconds":2217}]},{"id":"0129e76f-f4e1-476a-9359-2bf6a189924c","title":"Episode 403: Rescue: The Embassy Mission","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/403","content_text":"This cinematic game for the NES is slightly divisive between us, as it awkwardly fumbles to be Rainbow 6 before Rainbow 6 was possible on hardware.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis cinematic game for the NES is slightly divisive between us, as it awkwardly fumbles to be Rainbow 6 before Rainbow 6 was possible on hardware.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This cinematic game for the NES is slightly divisive between us, as it awkwardly fumbles to be Rainbow 6 before Rainbow 6 was possible on hardware.","date_published":"2021-05-17T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0129e76f-f4e1-476a-9359-2bf6a189924c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25670029,"duration_in_seconds":2138}]},{"id":"c0d4740d-291a-4783-81d1-139a423afef1","title":"Episode 402: The Suffering","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/402","content_text":"Torque may or may not have killed his wife and child, and now he's in a haunted prison with plenty of time to sort himself out... in between monster attacks. This honestly isn't a terrible game, but it's just outrageous enough to talk about here.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTorque may or may not have killed his wife and child, and now he\u0026#39;s in a haunted prison with plenty of time to sort himself out... in between monster attacks. This honestly isn\u0026#39;t a terrible game, but it\u0026#39;s just outrageous enough to talk about here.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Torque may or may not have killed his wife and child, and now he's in a haunted prison with plenty of time to sort himself out.","date_published":"2021-05-10T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c0d4740d-291a-4783-81d1-139a423afef1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27160890,"duration_in_seconds":2263}]},{"id":"026b56dc-4a84-436c-9c05-f8e57b58fef7","title":"Episode 401: Warlocked","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/401","content_text":"This week we talk about Warlocked, the tiny RTS that kind of could. That's right... they made a real time strategy game for the Game Boy Color and it actually works, although it doesn't feel like your usual strategy game. We also talk about a horrifying video involving a toilet.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week we talk about Warlocked, the tiny RTS that kind of could. That\u0026#39;s right... they made a real time strategy game for the Game Boy Color and it actually works, although it doesn\u0026#39;t feel like your usual strategy game. We also talk about a horrifying video involving a toilet.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The tiny RTS that kinda could.","date_published":"2021-05-03T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/026b56dc-4a84-436c-9c05-f8e57b58fef7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24310826,"duration_in_seconds":2025}]},{"id":"bd73a20e-a29b-47ff-871f-dd4e9369fbff","title":"Episode 400: Last of Ass","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/400","content_text":"To celebrate episode 400 of Abject Suffering, we dip into some Steam crapware, based entirely on its funny name. Last of Ass has nothing to do with The Last of Us, instead being a low-effort take on Slender: The Pages meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You're trapped on the land of some goddamn cannibals, and you need to sneak around to get the parts you need to fix your car. That's it.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTo celebrate episode 400 of Abject Suffering, we dip into some Steam crapware, based entirely on its funny name. Last of Ass has nothing to do with The Last of Us, instead being a low-effort take on Slender: The Pages meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You\u0026#39;re trapped on the land of some goddamn cannibals, and you need to sneak around to get the parts you need to fix your car. That\u0026#39;s it.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"To celebrate episode 400 of Abject Suffering, we dip into some Steam crapware, based entirely on its funny name.","date_published":"2021-04-26T21:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bd73a20e-a29b-47ff-871f-dd4e9369fbff.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32487989,"duration_in_seconds":2706}]},{"id":"42297966-0522-4c70-b0e4-c457df71d6dc","title":"Episode 399: Guilty Gear Isuka","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/399","content_text":"We believe that Guilty Gear is a good series that just isn't for us. We don't really go in for hyper-stylized, chaotic fighting games like this. What everyone can agree on, we think, is that Guilty Gear Isuka is a very bad entry in that series. In an attempt to add some gimmicks to the series, the developers break the design conventions that make 2D fighters work, making for a uniquely unpleasant experience.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe believe that Guilty Gear is a good series that just isn\u0026#39;t for us. We don\u0026#39;t really go in for hyper-stylized, chaotic fighting games like this. What everyone can agree on, we think, is that Guilty Gear Isuka is a very bad entry in that series. In an attempt to add some gimmicks to the series, the developers break the design conventions that make 2D fighters work, making for a uniquely unpleasant experience.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We believe that Guilty Gear is a good series that just isn't for us.","date_published":"2021-04-19T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/42297966-0522-4c70-b0e4-c457df71d6dc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29051110,"duration_in_seconds":2420}]},{"id":"5bc83d46-84f6-4d23-90fd-41d2ec763595","title":"Episode 398: Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/398","content_text":"They killed Marlow Briggs on the wrong day with the wrong scythe. So an ancient Incan god king has revived him as a spirit of vengeance, Captain Planet-like! This game is actually competent, so we spend time talking about how the only reasonable way to spend money if you're a billionaire is to restore your hometown to exactly the way it was when you were ten.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThey killed Marlow Briggs on the wrong day with the wrong scythe. So an ancient Incan god king has revived him as a spirit of vengeance, Captain Planet-like! This game is actually competent, so we spend time talking about how the only reasonable way to spend money if you\u0026#39;re a billionaire is to restore your hometown to exactly the way it was when you were ten.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"They killed Marlow Briggs on the wrong day with the wrong scythe.","date_published":"2021-04-12T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5bc83d46-84f6-4d23-90fd-41d2ec763595.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27858986,"duration_in_seconds":2321}]},{"id":"1896cf64-f913-4253-bea6-c8daedb588d1","title":"Episode 397: Buffy the Vampire Slayer","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/397","content_text":"Truth time: Buffy is a blind spot for us. Both of us were watching different things in the 90s, and sometimes it's just too hard to go back to something from that era if you don't have any nostalgia for it. This first Buffy game is an anemic GBC brawler, so instead we talk about our newest supernatural villain: the incompetent Frankenstein.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTruth time: Buffy is a blind spot for us. Both of us were watching different things in the 90s, and sometimes it\u0026#39;s just too hard to go back to something from that era if you don\u0026#39;t have any nostalgia for it. This first Buffy game is an anemic GBC brawler, so instead we talk about our newest supernatural villain: the incompetent Frankenstein.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Truth time: Buffy is a blind spot for us.","date_published":"2021-04-05T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1896cf64-f913-4253-bea6-c8daedb588d1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23373239,"duration_in_seconds":1947}]},{"id":"6eb45242-b0c3-4472-8957-6854258a93b3","title":"Episode 396: William Shatner's TekWar","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/396","content_text":"William Shatner's magnum opus spans nine books, a theatrical release, a television show, and several TV movies, and you probably only know it from an offhand joke on the Simpsons. It's cyberpunk without the punk, where a digital drug named Tek is the scourge of the streets. In the game, you play as a Tek addict turned narc agent who has to hunt down dealers in awkward first person shooter combat. After all, the kids need to learn about TekWar sooner or later.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWilliam Shatner\u0026#39;s magnum opus spans nine books, a theatrical release, a television show, and several TV movies, and you probably only know it from an offhand joke on the Simpsons. It\u0026#39;s cyberpunk without the punk, where a digital drug named Tek is the scourge of the streets. In the game, you play as a Tek addict turned narc agent who has to hunt down dealers in awkward first person shooter combat. After all, the kids need to learn about TekWar sooner or later.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"After all, the kids need to learn about TekWar sooner or later.","date_published":"2021-03-29T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6eb45242-b0c3-4472-8957-6854258a93b3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26766232,"duration_in_seconds":2230}]},{"id":"3140b93d-cf13-4f6d-ac92-2b8004886faa","title":"Episode 395: Eternam","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/395","content_text":"Eternam is a very strange adventure game. Taking cues from Westworld, you play as Don Jonz, who won a vacation package to a fantasy planet, only to learn that his arch rival is working some kind of scheme there. Decent jokes and horrifying faces abound!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEternam is a very strange adventure game. Taking cues from Westworld, you play as Don Jonz, who won a vacation package to a fantasy planet, only to learn that his arch rival is working some kind of scheme there. Decent jokes and horrifying faces abound!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The words are funny, but the faces spewing them are nightmares.","date_published":"2021-03-22T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3140b93d-cf13-4f6d-ac92-2b8004886faa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30004997,"duration_in_seconds":2500}]},{"id":"1657dd45-40f9-4c8d-b42d-90af1234a6ed","title":"Episode 394: Dog's Life","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/394","content_text":"The wild swings that developers took on the PS2 are infinitely fascinating, and one that you don't hear too much about is Dog's Life. It's a bad game, but there's not much else like it. It's open-ish world, you play as a dog, and you can shit and piss at the press of a button. One person does all of the voices, and the ending needs to be seen to be believed.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe wild swings that developers took on the PS2 are infinitely fascinating, and one that you don\u0026#39;t hear too much about is Dog\u0026#39;s Life. It\u0026#39;s a bad game, but there\u0026#39;s not much else like it. It\u0026#39;s open-ish world, you play as a dog, and you can shit and piss at the press of a button. One person does all of the voices, and the ending needs to be seen to be believed.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The wild swings that developers took on the PS2 are infinitely fascinating, and one that you don't hear too much about is Dog's Life.","date_published":"2021-03-15T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1657dd45-40f9-4c8d-b42d-90af1234a6ed.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27726388,"duration_in_seconds":2310}]},{"id":"fdbf961d-70f4-4d60-bffc-e0bf385fa8d6","title":"Mystical Fighters","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/393","content_text":"This mediocre brawler about Kabuki warriors fighting generic monsters doesn't provide much fertile ground for discussion, so we default to talking about tragedy and the ways out education failed us.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis mediocre brawler about Kabuki warriors fighting generic monsters doesn\u0026#39;t provide much fertile ground for discussion, so we default to talking about tragedy and the ways out education failed us.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This mediocre brawler about Kabuki warriors fighting generic monsters doesn't provide much fertile ground for discussion, so we default to talking about tragedy and the ways out education failed us.","date_published":"2021-03-08T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fdbf961d-70f4-4d60-bffc-e0bf385fa8d6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28858953,"duration_in_seconds":2404}]},{"id":"5c051bdd-3dde-4d44-9c32-ec513b8ba764","title":"Episode 392: Defenders of Dynatron City","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/392","content_text":"In a remarkable bit of serendipity, this game wasn't a hit because you couldn't hit anything in it. Garry Winnick and Steve Purcell set about creating a quirky little brawler for the NES, and they made a comic to promote it. Then they made an animated series to promote it. And people were excited. Then they played the game and the whole house of cards came tumbling down.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn a remarkable bit of serendipity, this game wasn\u0026#39;t a hit because you couldn\u0026#39;t hit anything in it. Garry Winnick and Steve Purcell set about creating a quirky little brawler for the NES, and they made a comic to promote it. Then they made an animated series to promote it. And people were excited. Then they played the game and the whole house of cards came tumbling down.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In a remarkable bit of serendipity, this game wasn't a hit because you couldn't hit anything in it.","date_published":"2021-03-01T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5c051bdd-3dde-4d44-9c32-ec513b8ba764.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25429912,"duration_in_seconds":2118}]},{"id":"37b9909a-ae0a-499a-94dc-d672ab9ae001","title":"Episode 391: Lester the Unlikely","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/391","content_text":"We all know the stereotypical traits of nerds. Thick glasses, nasally voice... narcolepsy? Lester the Unlikely is a cinematic platformer, a la Out of This World or Prince of Persia, that highlights how important good level design is to that kind of game. However, if you're looking for a game that lets you punish turtles, this one's got your number.. Shredder.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe all know the stereotypical traits of nerds. Thick glasses, nasally voice... narcolepsy? Lester the Unlikely is a cinematic platformer, a la Out of This World or Prince of Persia, that highlights how important good level design is to that kind of game. However, if you\u0026#39;re looking for a game that lets you punish turtles, this one\u0026#39;s got your number.. Shredder.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We all know the stereotypical traits of nerds. Thick glasses, nasally voice... narcolepsy?","date_published":"2021-02-22T15:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/37b9909a-ae0a-499a-94dc-d672ab9ae001.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20377726,"duration_in_seconds":1697}]},{"id":"97dd8c14-a2e0-40fe-80f1-c7002cc99944","title":"Episode 390: Dragon Riders: Chronicles of Pern","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/390","content_text":"It's a fantasy saga of high flying dragons and alien invasions where nothing at all happpens. This episode is our followup to the Companions of Xanth episode, this time featuring a fantasy series from Kole's childhood. Dragon Riders: Chronicles of Pern is a Dreamcast adventure game based on Anne McCaffrey's books about dragon riders who don't do very much.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a fantasy saga of high flying dragons and alien invasions where nothing at all happpens. This episode is our followup to the Companions of Xanth episode, this time featuring a fantasy series from Kole\u0026#39;s childhood. Dragon Riders: Chronicles of Pern is a Dreamcast adventure game based on Anne McCaffrey\u0026#39;s books about dragon riders who don\u0026#39;t do very much.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a fantasy saga of high flying dragons and alien invasions where nothing at all happpens.","date_published":"2021-02-17T17:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/97dd8c14-a2e0-40fe-80f1-c7002cc99944.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27290666,"duration_in_seconds":2273}]},{"id":"d02467f4-4ef2-48a7-8294-fe9add1b5292","title":"Episode 389: Murder Dog IV: Trial of the Murder Dog","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/389","content_text":"This week's Abject Suffering is about an admirable joke game that asks the question: is it possible for a dog to be bad?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week\u0026#39;s Abject Suffering is about an admirable joke game that asks the question: is it possible for a dog to be bad?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week's Abject Suffering is about an admirable joke game that asks the question: is it possible for a dog to be bad?","date_published":"2021-02-15T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d02467f4-4ef2-48a7-8294-fe9add1b5292.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25483828,"duration_in_seconds":2123}]},{"id":"c59abe35-6bac-442d-b2bf-103e8c5242dc","title":"Episode 388: Companions of Xanth","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/388","content_text":"When you're a kid with unlimited free time, and games are not plentiful and the internet isn't around, you end up reading a lot of questionable novels. Enter Xanth: Piers Anthony's problematic saga that continues to this day. Listen as we talk about the Legend adventure game based on the books, and also dig into bad kids fantasy in general.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhen you\u0026#39;re a kid with unlimited free time, and games are not plentiful and the internet isn\u0026#39;t around, you end up reading a lot of questionable novels. Enter Xanth: Piers Anthony\u0026#39;s problematic saga that continues to this day. Listen as we talk about the Legend adventure game based on the books, and also dig into bad kids fantasy in general.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"When you're a kid with unlimited free time, and games are not plentiful and the internet isn't around, you end up reading a lot of questionable novels.","date_published":"2021-02-08T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c59abe35-6bac-442d-b2bf-103e8c5242dc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35975649,"duration_in_seconds":2997}]},{"id":"140de274-bae0-43f3-88da-4508920f459d","title":"Episode 387: Jones in the Fast Lane","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/387","content_text":"Imagine a pop-o-matic world. That might have made the Game of Life more interesting! Everything ensconced within perfect plastic and metal, the ideal randomizer. However, another way to make the Game of Life more interesting is to make it into a video game like Jones in the Fast Lane. A lesser-known Sierra title that plays like a board game, you start at the bottom rung of your career, and try to use your limited time and money to reach your goals. It's neat!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eImagine a pop-o-matic world. That might have made the Game of Life more interesting! Everything ensconced within perfect plastic and metal, the ideal randomizer. However, another way to make the Game of Life more interesting is to make it into a video game like Jones in the Fast Lane. A lesser-known Sierra title that plays like a board game, you start at the bottom rung of your career, and try to use your limited time and money to reach your goals. It\u0026#39;s neat!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Imagine a pop-o-matic world.","date_published":"2021-02-01T10:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/140de274-bae0-43f3-88da-4508920f459d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26161863,"duration_in_seconds":2179}]},{"id":"7101d28f-8ec6-40f4-89e7-75c363a5a045","title":"Episode 386: Contra Force","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/386","content_text":"We all like Contra, right? What if we did it again but worse? And what if Konami wasn't as great as you remembered it, and you've been letting them coast on Castlevania for decades?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe all like Contra, right? What if we did it again but worse? And what if Konami wasn\u0026#39;t as great as you remembered it, and you\u0026#39;ve been letting them coast on Castlevania for decades?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We all like Contra, right? What if we did it again but worse?","date_published":"2021-01-25T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7101d28f-8ec6-40f4-89e7-75c363a5a045.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28447995,"duration_in_seconds":2370}]},{"id":"5abbdfd0-b5bb-4cea-9122-918e4848c67d","title":"Episode 385: Tyrian 2000","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/385","content_text":"This kind of good PC shoot-em-up game takes your regular arcade shooter like Raiden and adds more story and a dash of humor. That doesn't give us a lot to work with, so we talk about the prospect of grown-up sleepovers, and start recommending products.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis kind of good PC shoot-em-up game takes your regular arcade shooter like Raiden and adds more story and a dash of humor. That doesn\u0026#39;t give us a lot to work with, so we talk about the prospect of grown-up sleepovers, and start recommending products.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This kind of good PC shoot-em-up game takes your regular arcade shooter like Raiden and adds more story and a dash of humor.","date_published":"2021-01-18T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5abbdfd0-b5bb-4cea-9122-918e4848c67d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28804410,"duration_in_seconds":2400}]},{"id":"c58053ba-3348-420c-9034-52a5dc488854","title":"Episode 384: X-Files: Resist or Serve","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/384","content_text":"Everyone remembers the X-Files game for PlayStation. It was an FMV game that shipped in a huge case with a ton of CDs. Less well-known is this PS2 survival horror game that is... actually pretty neat! We talk about this, and also pitch a spin-off show: The X-Fires.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEveryone remembers the X-Files game for PlayStation. It was an FMV game that shipped in a huge case with a ton of CDs. Less well-known is this PS2 survival horror game that is... actually pretty neat! We talk about this, and also pitch a spin-off show: The X-Fires.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's actually good!","date_published":"2021-01-11T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c58053ba-3348-420c-9034-52a5dc488854.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28503793,"duration_in_seconds":2374}]},{"id":"a062838e-c069-40fd-bffc-e4c23804e1c8","title":"One","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/383","content_text":"Just so you're not disappointed, this isn't the PSX game that stars Bruce Willis. That would be the similarly anonymous game \"Apocalypse\". No, this is a really bland cinematic action game that stars a man with amnesia and a bizarre gun arm. It's like Contra, but the bad Contras.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJust so you\u0026#39;re not disappointed, this isn\u0026#39;t the PSX game that stars Bruce Willis. That would be the similarly anonymous game \u0026quot;Apocalypse\u0026quot;. No, this is a really bland cinematic action game that stars a man with amnesia and a bizarre gun arm. It\u0026#39;s like Contra, but the bad Contras.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Just so you're not disappointed, this isn't the PSX game that stars Bruce Willis.","date_published":"2021-01-04T00:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a062838e-c069-40fd-bffc-e4c23804e1c8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27865882,"duration_in_seconds":2321}]},{"id":"ff7d2726-f13d-4be5-ac98-ee29b2bd9631","title":"Episode 382: Mouse Trap","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/382","content_text":"This single-screen asset factory platformer posits the existence of a new kind of nose, while we talk about the nightmare of our cats bringing us a corpse.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis single-screen asset factory platformer posits the existence of a new kind of nose, while we talk about the nightmare of our cats bringing us a corpse.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cheese was the bait!","date_published":"2020-12-28T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ff7d2726-f13d-4be5-ac98-ee29b2bd9631.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28618836,"duration_in_seconds":2384}]},{"id":"61f5a565-2008-46a2-9ca5-c54865383c79","title":"Episode 381: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare DS","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/381","content_text":"It's crazy how developers kept on trying to make first person games happen on the DS, even when it was abundantly clear that they were painful to play. This breaks out into a more serious conversation about innovation vs. proficiency, and we apologize for that. We'll make it goofier next time.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s crazy how developers kept on trying to make first person games happen on the DS, even when it was abundantly clear that they were painful to play. This breaks out into a more serious conversation about innovation vs. proficiency, and we apologize for that. We\u0026#39;ll make it goofier next time.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Our suggestion would be that you not make a game that's physically painful to play.","date_published":"2020-12-21T15:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/61f5a565-2008-46a2-9ca5-c54865383c79.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30448243,"duration_in_seconds":2537}]},{"id":"ea6b736a-c4c5-4580-bc0e-9a87d4d73ad1","title":"Episode 380: SCP: Secret Laboratory","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/380","content_text":"The best, most expansive creepypasta universe lends itself to an admirable fan game. Problem is, it's multiplayer, and playing games with strangers is the pits!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe best, most expansive creepypasta universe lends itself to an admirable fan game. Problem is, it\u0026#39;s multiplayer, and playing games with strangers is the pits!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The best, most expansive creepypasta universe lends itself to an admirable fan game. Problem is, it's multiplayer, and playing games with strangers is the pits!","date_published":"2020-12-14T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ea6b736a-c4c5-4580-bc0e-9a87d4d73ad1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24441543,"duration_in_seconds":2036}]},{"id":"8b7a992f-f65b-4529-ba2f-aee2714cb1a0","title":"Episode 379: Spud!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/379","content_text":"A game that, for legal purposes, is unaffiliated with the real Santa or Christmas.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA game that, for legal purposes, is unaffiliated with the real Santa or Christmas.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A game that, for legal purposes, is unaffiliated with the real Santa or Christmas.","date_published":"2020-12-07T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8b7a992f-f65b-4529-ba2f-aee2714cb1a0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25486963,"duration_in_seconds":2123}]},{"id":"cb9a57de-0601-4710-9628-135d484f6a1d","title":"Episode 378: Crystalis","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/378","content_text":"Crystalis is, first and foremost, a pretty good game. There are fun details about its story, and why they still honor the American dollar, but mostly it serves as a good launching point for talking about the absurdities of NextDoor.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCrystalis is, first and foremost, a pretty good game. There are fun details about its story, and why they still honor the American dollar, but mostly it serves as a good launching point for talking about the absurdities of NextDoor.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Crystalis is, first and foremost, a pretty good game.","date_published":"2020-11-30T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cb9a57de-0601-4710-9628-135d484f6a1d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25893533,"duration_in_seconds":2157}]},{"id":"2cedeac8-158d-4fcd-9063-394681587ea3","title":"Episode 377: Baldi's Basics","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/377","content_text":"Is there a name for the kind of stealth horror game that's popular with streamers? Things like Hello Neighbor and Bendy and the Ink Machine? Whatever that is, this is one of those, but with a fun, crappy educational vibe. Truth is, this is actually pretty good and fun, so we range far afield on this episode.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIs there a name for the kind of stealth horror game that\u0026#39;s popular with streamers? Things like Hello Neighbor and Bendy and the Ink Machine? Whatever that is, this is one of those, but with a fun, crappy educational vibe. Truth is, this is actually pretty good and fun, so we range far afield on this episode.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Baldi rules this school with an iron fist.","date_published":"2020-11-23T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2cedeac8-158d-4fcd-9063-394681587ea3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35243698,"duration_in_seconds":2936}]},{"id":"aa364f7b-fb05-4853-865d-7d5835ab5b2c","title":"Episode 376: Ariel the Little Mermaid","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/376","content_text":"You may be thinking, \"Hey guys! That Capcom NES Little Mermaid game wasn't bad! What gives?\" And you're right. The only crime that game commits is being too simple. This week, we're talking about the very bad Little Mermaid game made for the Sega Genesis, which looked at the Dam level from TMNT and said \"hold my conch\".","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou may be thinking, \u0026quot;Hey guys! That Capcom NES Little Mermaid game wasn\u0026#39;t bad! What gives?\u0026quot; And you\u0026#39;re right. The only crime that game commits is being too simple. This week, we\u0026#39;re talking about the very bad Little Mermaid game made for the Sega Genesis, which looked at the Dam level from TMNT and said \u0026quot;hold my conch\u0026quot;.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Games don't get better down where it's wetter.","date_published":"2020-11-16T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/aa364f7b-fb05-4853-865d-7d5835ab5b2c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28147064,"duration_in_seconds":2345}]},{"id":"72ae3778-8f44-483a-911a-138157c4b3f3","title":"Episode 375: Battletoads","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/375","content_text":"Imagine, if you will, a kind of battling toad. Nobody asked for this episode, we just felt like talking about it. Rare's darling baby that launched a thousand memes, about things ranging from its difficulty to its availability in stores. We don't care for it very much! But we only talk a little bit about why the game doesn't work, and spend most of our time talking about the Dark Queen's Pixar ass, horrible holiday memories, and comparative power ratings of the toad boys.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eImagine, if you will, a kind of battling toad. Nobody asked for this episode, we just felt like talking about it. Rare\u0026#39;s darling baby that launched a thousand memes, about things ranging from its difficulty to its availability in stores. We don\u0026#39;t care for it very much! But we only talk a little bit about why the game doesn\u0026#39;t work, and spend most of our time talking about the Dark Queen\u0026#39;s Pixar ass, horrible holiday memories, and comparative power ratings of the toad boys.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Imagine, if you will, a kind of battling toad.","date_published":"2020-11-09T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/72ae3778-8f44-483a-911a-138157c4b3f3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":44183532,"duration_in_seconds":3681}]},{"id":"f2b2d4eb-4bb2-44b7-b67a-e2334e72cafe","title":"Episode 374: Arctic alive","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/374","content_text":"This survival horror/survival sim set in an arctic base is notable for one reason: It was made entirely in Blender, which is not a game engine. It would be like somehow making a JRPG run in MS Paint. Other than that, it's got a baffling \"barely translated\" charm... so instead, we talk about how Gary recently developed hypothermia in his house.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis survival horror/survival sim set in an arctic base is notable for one reason: It was made entirely in Blender, which is not a game engine. It would be like somehow making a JRPG run in MS Paint. Other than that, it\u0026#39;s got a baffling \u0026quot;barely translated\u0026quot; charm... so instead, we talk about how Gary recently developed hypothermia in his house.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"That capitalization is not a typo, that's how the game is listed on Steam.","date_published":"2020-11-02T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f2b2d4eb-4bb2-44b7-b67a-e2334e72cafe.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20383672,"duration_in_seconds":1661}]},{"id":"f70c1777-2fa4-4e1f-99bf-9da8e493c14f","title":"Episode 373: Whiteboyz Wit' Attitude: The Pursuit of Money","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/373","content_text":"We need to re-calibrate what constitutes an \"Abject Suffering Emergency\". It's hard to tell how earnest the Whiteboyz Wit' Attitude are. On one hand, the music is pretty bad and farcical, but on the other hand, they've been at it for many years. This Steam game is a gussied up sales pitch for their compilation album, featuring some limited rhythm gameplay set to their low production value videos.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe need to re-calibrate what constitutes an \u0026quot;Abject Suffering Emergency\u0026quot;. It\u0026#39;s hard to tell how earnest the Whiteboyz Wit\u0026#39; Attitude are. On one hand, the music is pretty bad and farcical, but on the other hand, they\u0026#39;ve been at it for many years. This Steam game is a gussied up sales pitch for their compilation album, featuring some limited rhythm gameplay set to their low production value videos.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We need to re-calibrate what constitutes an \"Abject Suffering Emergency\".","date_published":"2020-10-26T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f70c1777-2fa4-4e1f-99bf-9da8e493c14f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30063685,"duration_in_seconds":2445}]},{"id":"d056e1cc-2785-45a9-9e3b-accc5564e89b","title":"Episode 372: Rockstar!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/372","content_text":"This is our second rock band management sim this year, and it's by far the superior to \"Rock Star Ate My Hamster\". The drug fixation aside, this is a fun little Lemonade Stand sim that has a fair bit of complexity and some of the best procedurally generated names we've seen.\n\nSpecial Thanks to Beyond Reason for the theme song remix. ","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis is our second rock band management sim this year, and it\u0026#39;s by far the superior to \u0026quot;Rock Star Ate My Hamster\u0026quot;. The drug fixation aside, this is a fun little Lemonade Stand sim that has a fair bit of complexity and some of the best procedurally generated names we\u0026#39;ve seen.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNVv9y63Kkw\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSpecial Thanks to Beyond Reason for the theme song remix. \u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You are wise to reject this heroin I'm offering you. You have passed the test.","date_published":"2020-10-19T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d056e1cc-2785-45a9-9e3b-accc5564e89b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20400751,"duration_in_seconds":2495}]},{"id":"85fa7166-73a8-44b0-9cf7-8bafbc48814c","title":"Episode 371: McPixel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/371","content_text":"This week we look at a humble, gag-based point and click puzzle game that's a parody of a parody of MacGuyver. We also talk about the 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito film Junior. At length.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week we look at a humble, gag-based point and click puzzle game that\u0026#39;s a parody of a parody of MacGuyver. We also talk about the 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito film Junior. At length.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"But where does the baby come out?","date_published":"2020-10-12T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/85fa7166-73a8-44b0-9cf7-8bafbc48814c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24475174,"duration_in_seconds":3034}]},{"id":"d8e1ac1e-0f8c-40fc-9f56-9e86ffbc4849","title":"Episode 370: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/370","content_text":"They turned a good book into a very frustrating text adventure.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThey turned a good book into a very frustrating text adventure.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"They turned a good book into a very frustrating text adventure.","date_published":"2020-10-05T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d8e1ac1e-0f8c-40fc-9f56-9e86ffbc4849.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":13986298,"duration_in_seconds":1571}]},{"id":"f0dd1f6c-2005-44c6-8d91-1e6228f2103b","title":"Episode 369: Hareraiser","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/369","content_text":"Back in the late '70s and early '80s, Britain was overtaken by treasure hunt fever, sparked by a childrens' book called The Masquerade and its promises of a valuable gold rabbit for anyone clever enough to solve its puzzles. The contest ended in allegations of fraud, and this cursed rabbit went on to become the basis for an outright scam called Hareraiser, a duo of games for microcomputers that were little more than unsolvable messes. The gold rabbit was auctioned off when the company was liquidated, and we were left with one of the worst \"games\" in all of history.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBack in the late \u0026#39;70s and early \u0026#39;80s, Britain was overtaken by treasure hunt fever, sparked by a childrens\u0026#39; book called The Masquerade and its promises of a valuable gold rabbit for anyone clever enough to solve its puzzles. The contest ended in allegations of fraud, and this cursed rabbit went on to become the basis for an outright scam called Hareraiser, a duo of games for microcomputers that were little more than unsolvable messes. The gold rabbit was auctioned off when the company was liquidated, and we were left with one of the worst \u0026quot;games\u0026quot; in all of history.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A game so bad it's outright fraud!","date_published":"2020-09-28T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f0dd1f6c-2005-44c6-8d91-1e6228f2103b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17031498,"duration_in_seconds":2109}]},{"id":"5f579e84-d315-4eb7-b724-f330ae57b7cd","title":"Episode 368: Reisdent Evil 0","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/368","content_text":"Warm up your pipes, you opera singing leeches, because we're going to talk about the game that we blame for murdering classic-style Resident Evil experiences. Taking place shortly before the events of the original Resident Evil, STARS Bravo team medic Rebecca Chambers and failed Chili Peppers clone Billy team up to fight through a train and some anonymous facilities full of zombies and leeches, all while being too ineffectual to hold objects.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWarm up your pipes, you opera singing leeches, because we\u0026#39;re going to talk about the game that we blame for murdering classic-style Resident Evil experiences. Taking place shortly before the events of the original Resident Evil, STARS Bravo team medic Rebecca Chambers and failed Chili Peppers clone Billy team up to fight through a train and some anonymous facilities full of zombies and leeches, all while being too ineffectual to hold objects.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Warm up your pipes, you opera singing leeches, because we're going to talk about the game that we blame for murdering classic-style Resident Evil experiences.","date_published":"2020-09-21T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5f579e84-d315-4eb7-b724-f330ae57b7cd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23015606,"duration_in_seconds":2829}]},{"id":"27a5a670-55f0-46d2-9175-eaa9cc2c6dd7","title":"Episode 367: Castlevania Judgment","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/367","content_text":"It's very hard to be a Castlevania fan, especially when Konami decides that this very ugly and shallow Power Stone clone is worth releasing. Famously featuring a story line where a little girl wants bigger boobs, it also has hideous costume redesigns for a large number of beloved Castlevania characters, and a pretty lame excuse plot.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s very hard to be a Castlevania fan, especially when Konami decides that this very ugly and shallow Power Stone clone is worth releasing. Famously featuring a story line where a little girl wants bigger boobs, it also has hideous costume redesigns for a large number of beloved Castlevania characters, and a pretty lame excuse plot.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's very hard to be a Castlevania fan.","date_published":"2020-09-14T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/27a5a670-55f0-46d2-9175-eaa9cc2c6dd7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19751429,"duration_in_seconds":2331}]},{"id":"6ab2a6cd-e210-4e06-b4ef-ad5bef5f99ed","title":"Episode 366: Swords \u0026 Darkness","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/366","content_text":"Swords \u0026amp; Darkness, a game you've never heard of, is a very poorly made side scrolling Demon's Souls game released on the 3DS eShop. It's broken in some pretty entertaining ways, so give this a listen and save yourself the $7!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSwords \u0026amp; Darkness, a game you\u0026#39;ve never heard of, is a very poorly made side scrolling Demon\u0026#39;s Souls game released on the 3DS eShop. It\u0026#39;s broken in some pretty entertaining ways, so give this a listen and save yourself the $7!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Demon's Souls meets River City Ransom, but godawful.","date_published":"2020-09-07T21:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6ab2a6cd-e210-4e06-b4ef-ad5bef5f99ed.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16010459,"duration_in_seconds":1936}]},{"id":"d5f79e1b-c60b-4962-a34b-29e19624f954","title":"Episode 365: It Came From the Desert","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/365","content_text":"This week Gary brings a character with a very ill-advised product pitch, then we get into talking about this charming and not-fun Cinemaware game about ants. Please stow your picnic baskets.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week Gary brings a character with a very ill-advised product pitch, then we get into talking about this charming and not-fun Cinemaware game about ants. Please stow your picnic baskets.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week Gary brings a character with a very ill-advised product pitch, then we get into talking about this charming and not-fun Cinemaware game about ants. Please stow your picnic baskets.","date_published":"2020-08-31T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d5f79e1b-c60b-4962-a34b-29e19624f954.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28415839,"duration_in_seconds":3527}]},{"id":"231e20bd-c4b8-459f-9c06-41ea64313d40","title":"Episode 364: Kingdom O' Magic","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/364","content_text":"Probably one of the most hideous games we've covered for the show?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eProbably one of the most hideous games we\u0026#39;ve covered for the show?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Probably one of the most hideous games we've covered for the show?","date_published":"2020-08-24T00:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/231e20bd-c4b8-459f-9c06-41ea64313d40.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35020214,"duration_in_seconds":2892}]},{"id":"21ae6fb6-58df-476b-8471-9696a961d3a1","title":"Episode 363: Industrial Spy: Operation Espionage","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/363","content_text":"A baffling game gives way to a discussion on obstinate linguistics.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA baffling game gives way to a discussion on obstinate linguistics.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A baffling game gives way to a discussion on obstinate linguistics.","date_published":"2020-08-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/21ae6fb6-58df-476b-8471-9696a961d3a1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":38365081,"duration_in_seconds":3114}]},{"id":"fea90185-255c-4387-9772-5d442a856f87","title":"Episode 362: Blazing Dragons","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/362","content_text":"We use this kind of okay point and click adventure game as an excuse to eat stunt food. Warning: Mouth sounds abound.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe use this kind of okay point and click adventure game as an excuse to eat stunt food. Warning: Mouth sounds abound.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We use this kind of okay point and click adventure game as an excuse to eat stunt food. Warning: Mouth sounds abound.","date_published":"2020-08-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fea90185-255c-4387-9772-5d442a856f87.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30897824,"duration_in_seconds":3833}]},{"id":"b8c7e020-fcc4-40d4-8f2a-0ddd3f5e3b5d","title":"Episode 361: Saban's Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/361","content_text":"We head back to the Power Rangers well to learn more about what teens do on the moon.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe head back to the Power Rangers well to learn more about what teens do on the moon.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We head back to the Power Rangers well to learn more about what teens do on the moon.","date_published":"2020-08-03T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b8c7e020-fcc4-40d4-8f2a-0ddd3f5e3b5d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27434396,"duration_in_seconds":3310}]},{"id":"1953a8a1-c4ab-46ef-aacf-4e6198969d88","title":"Episode 360: Mr. Maze","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/360","content_text":"The conflict that will tear the network apart.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe conflict that will tear the network apart.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The conflict that will tear the network apart.","date_published":"2020-07-27T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1953a8a1-c4ab-46ef-aacf-4e6198969d88.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27434361,"duration_in_seconds":3354}]},{"id":"a98c1a5d-e736-4290-919c-22fc35588223","title":"Episode 359: The Sopranos: Road to Respect","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/359","content_text":"We didn't know there was a Sopranos game, and neither did you, probably.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe didn\u0026#39;t know there was a Sopranos game, and neither did you, probably.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We didn't know there was a Sopranos game, and neither did you, probably.","date_published":"2020-07-20T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a98c1a5d-e736-4290-919c-22fc35588223.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24358235,"duration_in_seconds":2969}]},{"id":"d83eae72-db24-4663-b2b4-b6041aa9bbab","title":"Episode 358: Eternal Champions","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/358","content_text":"Gary's favorite game! He says it! He can't take it back!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGary\u0026#39;s favorite game! He says it! He can\u0026#39;t take it back!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Gary's favorite game! He says it! He can't take it back!","date_published":"2020-07-13T19:15:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d83eae72-db24-4663-b2b4-b6041aa9bbab.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20253911,"duration_in_seconds":2317}]},{"id":"2cd29569-09db-4da3-af1e-99235ef41a8b","title":"Episode 357: Executive Suite","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/357","content_text":"This little businessman sim is actually pretty good, so we do a kind of job interview of our own.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis little businessman sim is actually pretty good, so we do a kind of job interview of our own.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This little businessman sim is actually pretty good, so we do a kind of job interview of our own.","date_published":"2020-07-06T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2cd29569-09db-4da3-af1e-99235ef41a8b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16909991,"duration_in_seconds":2103}]},{"id":"a3724184-8062-4804-9d8f-9e7b6d8a5da9","title":"Episode 356: Receiver","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/356","content_text":"An indie game with a simple premise: highlight how much regular video games make using a gun look easier than it actually is.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn indie game with a simple premise: highlight how much regular video games make using a gun look easier than it actually is.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An indie game with a simple premise: highlight how much regular video games make using a gun look easier than it actually is.","date_published":"2020-06-29T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a3724184-8062-4804-9d8f-9e7b6d8a5da9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27911995,"duration_in_seconds":3441}]},{"id":"c73e9be8-3058-4d5a-abae-4ad01a8bf644","title":"Episode 355: Cyber Stadium Series: Base Wars","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/355","content_text":"We really got cheated when it came to extreme sports. It's all just crotch hugs, with very few robots in sight.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe really got cheated when it came to extreme sports. It\u0026#39;s all just crotch hugs, with very few robots in sight.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We really got cheated when it came to extreme sports. It's all just crotch hugs, with very few robots in sight.","date_published":"2020-06-22T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c73e9be8-3058-4d5a-abae-4ad01a8bf644.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21272055,"duration_in_seconds":2421}]},{"id":"c7430a1b-5037-4c97-b076-73c25ed46636","title":"Episode 354: Popeye (ZX Spectrum)","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/354","content_text":"The Popeye universe is more vast and more pointless than we initially imagined.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Popeye universe is more vast and more pointless than we initially imagined.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Popeye universe is more vast and more pointless than we initially imagined.","date_published":"2020-06-15T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c7430a1b-5037-4c97-b076-73c25ed46636.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21333020,"duration_in_seconds":2611}]},{"id":"6f215b66-6649-41ab-9ab4-f50a56dace08","title":"Episode 353: Ninjabread Man","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/353","content_text":"We stretch the concept of \"concepts\" to the limits.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe stretch the concept of \u0026quot;concepts\u0026quot; to the limits.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We stretch the concept of \"concepts\" to the limits.","date_published":"2020-06-08T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6f215b66-6649-41ab-9ab4-f50a56dace08.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17158665,"duration_in_seconds":2071}]},{"id":"0f7f57de-9e72-4ea3-9cd2-119b09b70dba","title":"Episode 352: Rock Star Ate My Hamster!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/352","content_text":"We were excited to play a band simulator, but all we got was Lemonade Stand plus puns.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe were excited to play a band simulator, but all we got was Lemonade Stand plus puns.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We were excited to play a band simulator, but all we got was Lemonade Stand plus puns.","date_published":"2020-06-01T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0f7f57de-9e72-4ea3-9cd2-119b09b70dba.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24256082,"duration_in_seconds":2945}]},{"id":"44ce5403-b047-4e4d-b35d-5aae77a2d758","title":"Episode 351: Mega Man X7","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/351","content_text":"From one of the best games of all time, to an unmitigated disaster.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFrom one of the best games of all time, to an unmitigated disaster.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"From one of the best games of all time, to an unmitigated disaster.","date_published":"2020-05-25T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/44ce5403-b047-4e4d-b35d-5aae77a2d758.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25186935,"duration_in_seconds":2817}]},{"id":"4ca91eea-5d8a-4771-bd03-05529e8da267","title":"Episode 350: Calvin Tucker's Redneck: Farm Animal Racing Tournament","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/350","content_text":"Episode 350 introduces a beloved character that will endure for decades to come.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEpisode 350 introduces a beloved character that will endure for decades to come.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Episode 350 introduces a beloved character that will endure for decades to come.","date_published":"2020-05-18T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4ca91eea-5d8a-4771-bd03-05529e8da267.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21224573,"duration_in_seconds":2540}]},{"id":"951b7417-6c4f-468f-9db4-1d78b39bf368","title":"Episode 349: Top Gun: Fire at Will","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/349","content_text":"How has Top Gun remained a cultural touchstone for all of these years?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHow has Top Gun remained a cultural touchstone for all of these years?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"How has Top Gun remained a cultural touchstone for all of these years?","date_published":"2020-05-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/951b7417-6c4f-468f-9db4-1d78b39bf368.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23005145,"duration_in_seconds":2778}]},{"id":"12dabfbe-80b8-42c8-a946-7ab9983a02e7","title":"Episode 348: Mystic Towers","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/348","content_text":"We stumbled into a gross one. Sorry, folks.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe stumbled into a gross one. Sorry, folks.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We stumbled into a gross one. Sorry, folks.","date_published":"2020-05-04T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/12dabfbe-80b8-42c8-a946-7ab9983a02e7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21836400,"duration_in_seconds":2654}]},{"id":"1a83caea-55ed-405e-8470-321e6ac02ebb","title":"Episode 347: The Coin Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/347","content_text":"Get ready for us to be effusively positive about an extremely strange and nostalgic experience.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGet ready for us to be effusively positive about an extremely strange and nostalgic experience.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Get ready for us to be effusively positive about an extremely strange and nostalgic experience.","date_published":"2020-04-27T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1a83caea-55ed-405e-8470-321e6ac02ebb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22365330,"duration_in_seconds":2703}]},{"id":"bf09cc31-21f8-4ee3-b892-ecfae497ed3a","title":"Episode 346: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/346","content_text":"Take a good book and make a wonderful movie out of it, then wait 30 years and make a terrible movie and somehow a worse game of that movie.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTake a good book and make a wonderful movie out of it, then wait 30 years and make a terrible movie and somehow a worse game of that movie.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Take a good book and make a wonderful movie out of it, then wait 30 years and make a terrible movie and somehow a worse game of that movie.","date_published":"2020-04-20T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bf09cc31-21f8-4ee3-b892-ecfae497ed3a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15790281,"duration_in_seconds":1865}]},{"id":"d81ffa29-bb23-4644-a12c-09a1614fafa0","title":"Episode 345: Silent Service","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/345","content_text":"Talk about submarine life segues abruptly into the dismal dystopia of Cameo.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTalk about submarine life segues abruptly into the dismal dystopia of Cameo.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Talk about submarine life segues abruptly into the dismal dystopia of Cameo.","date_published":"2020-04-13T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d81ffa29-bb23-4644-a12c-09a1614fafa0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22174414,"duration_in_seconds":2660}]},{"id":"dc40ef58-6aa7-48e3-9b2b-f81b9f0a0e73","title":"Episode 344: Bad Boys: Miami Takedown","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/344","content_text":"These bad, bad, bad, bad boys don't make us feel so good.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThese bad, bad, bad, bad boys don\u0026#39;t make us feel so good.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"These bad, bad, bad, bad boys don't make us feel so good.","date_published":"2020-04-06T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dc40ef58-6aa7-48e3-9b2b-f81b9f0a0e73.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20385439,"duration_in_seconds":2420}]},{"id":"8d369c24-749b-4385-8d7b-55fbdee14a30","title":"Episode 343: Dreams to Reality","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/343","content_text":"This very bad 3D platformer has you playing as Anthony Kiedis in a surreally meaningless empty void.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis very bad 3D platformer has you playing as Anthony Kiedis in a surreally meaningless empty void.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This very bad 3D platformer has you playing as Anthony Kiedis in a surreally meaningless empty void.","date_published":"2020-03-30T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8d369c24-749b-4385-8d7b-55fbdee14a30.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":13032198,"duration_in_seconds":1593}]},{"id":"4f5f7743-83a7-4220-a4a7-85c682dcefd1","title":"Episode 342: Road Trip Adventure","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/342","content_text":"Before you head to the polls to vote for the next car president, remember my campaign slogan: Cars are cars all over the world. 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Kingdom","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/328","content_text":"Doug Lief joins us to talk about the rare misstep in Capcom and Disney's collaboration.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDoug Lief joins us to talk about the rare misstep in Capcom and Disney\u0026#39;s collaboration.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Doug Lief joins us to talk about the rare misstep in Capcom and Disney's collaboration.","date_published":"2019-12-16T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/687b4f34-4121-44b5-b62a-834cbac1d5d2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24683914,"duration_in_seconds":2965}]},{"id":"96df050d-5529-4202-a654-7b7d95135eb2","title":"Episode 327: KGB: Conspiracy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/327","content_text":"An interesting subject for an adventure game gets tripped up with hostile mechanics.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn interesting subject for an adventure game gets tripped up with 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Don't tweet at us saying this shouldn't be on the show.\n\nGo to Chris' comedy festival in Portland! It's taking place the weekend after Thanksgiving. It's the Ha-Ha-Harvest Comedy Festival.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eChris Khatami comes to us with an excuse to talk about Goldeneye 007. Don\u0026#39;t tweet at us saying this shouldn\u0026#39;t be on the show.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"http://www.hahaharvestcomedyfest.com/about/\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eGo to Chris\u0026#39; comedy festival in Portland! It\u0026#39;s taking place the weekend after Thanksgiving. 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The greatest enemy of Myst.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBehold! The greatest enemy of Myst.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Behold! 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Agenda","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/310","content_text":"A horrifying addition to the pantheon emerges.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA horrifying addition to the pantheon emerges.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A horrifying addition to the pantheon emerges.","date_published":"2019-08-12T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b7749a7e-27f9-4d61-8e35-53da51604004.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18475594,"duration_in_seconds":2308}]},{"id":"779d9f2a-12eb-4546-bb59-553275aae6e6","title":"Exquisite Suffering 74: Dilbert's Desktop Games","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/es74","content_text":"I'll come clean with you. If you know who Scott Adams is, and you know our general outlook on things, you can probably guess where this episode goes. And if you're not down for that, the first portion of the episode is for you. We talk about the Dilberito.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI\u0026#39;ll come clean with you. If you know who Scott Adams is, and you know our general outlook on things, you can probably guess where this episode goes. And if you\u0026#39;re not down for that, the first portion of the episode is for you. 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Zoombinis","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/305","content_text":"A very specific prejudice.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA very specific prejudice.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A very specific prejudice.","date_published":"2019-07-08T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/72b82718-02f1-484d-ae0c-76d1377329e6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":15992708,"duration_in_seconds":1998}]},{"id":"46d2ae59-6b85-4148-ae0b-6489f493f7fb","title":"Episode 304: Catwoman","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/304","content_text":"It's not GRRRREEEAATTTT!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s not GRRRREEEAATTTT!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's not GRRRREEEAATTTT!","date_published":"2019-07-01T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/46d2ae59-6b85-4148-ae0b-6489f493f7fb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":26937596,"duration_in_seconds":3366}]},{"id":"402ed876-05f3-49a1-9086-6e503b75f1a9","title":"Episode 303: Spice World","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/303","content_text":"I'll tell you what I don't want, what I really really don't want.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI\u0026#39;ll tell you what I don\u0026#39;t want, what I really really don\u0026#39;t want.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I'll tell you what I don't want, what I really really don't 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ready for a day of Duckfeed. On August 31, 2019, we will gather at the Clinton Street Theater in Portland Oregon for live performances of many Duckfeed shows, and a few local podcast friends. Listen to the announcement for more.\n\nMore details are forthcoming, including ticket details.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGet ready for a day of Duckfeed. On August 31, 2019, we will gather at the Clinton Street Theater in Portland Oregon for live performances of many Duckfeed shows, and a few local podcast friends. Listen to the announcement for more.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMore details are forthcoming, including ticket details.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"August 31, 2019. 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Crapland.","date_published":"2019-04-08T08:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/80c65a3e-5206-4202-9bfd-daf4fd1eea81.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18273720,"duration_in_seconds":2283}]},{"id":"f6dd8177-a1b7-4411-b5ca-7a9aa96eba34","title":"Episode 291: Ready Player Fuck","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/291","content_text":"Get ready for an angry episode about a very good game!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGet ready for an angry episode about a very good game!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Get ready for an angry episode about a very good game!","date_published":"2019-04-01T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f6dd8177-a1b7-4411-b5ca-7a9aa96eba34.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23098641,"duration_in_seconds":2886}]},{"id":"2f177f8f-560a-41fc-b02b-9256cc6a1073","title":"Episode 290: Bee Movie 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bullshit.","date_published":"2019-03-18T08:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2bebcdc6-503e-4a0f-b8cf-9843d9c31fc3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":26251934,"duration_in_seconds":3280}]},{"id":"f043f331-3f91-4b07-b570-0c103b642e51","title":"Episode 288: Death Duel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/288","content_text":"Bringing back some of that Big Robot Magic.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBringing back some of that Big Robot Magic.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Bringing back some of that Big Robot Magic.","date_published":"2019-03-11T08:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f043f331-3f91-4b07-b570-0c103b642e51.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19320708,"duration_in_seconds":2414}]},{"id":"e56661c9-3e9b-429f-ad1f-b55e1e7beb10","title":"Episode 287: Tyrannosaurus Tex","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/287","content_text":"A premise so potent it created an Abject Suffering Emergency.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA premise so potent it created an Abject Suffering Emergency.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A premise so potent it created an Abject Suffering Emergency.","date_published":"2019-03-04T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e56661c9-3e9b-429f-ad1f-b55e1e7beb10.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":25881204,"duration_in_seconds":3234}]},{"id":"355a3add-3661-4fe3-ad93-3287aeb94e1b","title":"Episode 286: Legend of Legaia","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/286","content_text":"The beginning of your JRPG is terrible.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe beginning of your JRPG is terrible.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The beginning of your JRPG is 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funny.","date_published":"2019-02-18T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5f782e1c-89dd-4d71-9850-2cc666c7b7ce.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18347699,"duration_in_seconds":2292}]},{"id":"81657f20-c1c2-4e76-ba73-00f997dd12f9","title":"Episode 284: Street Racquetball","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/284","content_text":"Solomon joins us to talk about the proto-Miis and candy bars.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSolomon joins us to talk about the proto-Miis and candy bars.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Solomon joins us to talk about the proto-Miis and candy bars.","date_published":"2019-02-11T14:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/81657f20-c1c2-4e76-ba73-00f997dd12f9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22491973,"duration_in_seconds":2810}]},{"id":"a5826acd-5983-4aad-8243-deeca9cfa345","title":"Exquisite Suffering Preview: Hugo","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/hugofree","content_text":"We want to tempt you further, so we're releasing another free episode of Exquisite Suffering! There are 60+ episode of Abject Suffering that you likely haven't heard, and all you need to do is go to our Patreon page and back at $10 a month to get them all.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe want to tempt you further, so we\u0026#39;re releasing another free episode of Exquisite Suffering! There are 60+ episode of Abject Suffering that you likely haven\u0026#39;t heard, and all you need to do is go to \u003ca href=\"http://patreon.com/duckfeedtv\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eour Patreon page\u003c/a\u003e and back at $10 a month to get them all.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Europe was a mistake!","date_published":"2019-02-08T08:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a5826acd-5983-4aad-8243-deeca9cfa345.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":36194661,"duration_in_seconds":3776}]},{"id":"ff58a0ed-4a45-4c9f-b34c-a861be4cc010","title":"Episode 283: Inbred with Rednex","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/283","content_text":"Welcome to the worst.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the worst.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Welcome to the worst.","date_published":"2019-02-04T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ff58a0ed-4a45-4c9f-b34c-a861be4cc010.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21500365,"duration_in_seconds":2687}]},{"id":"955950a6-dde0-4172-8cb8-a92202939299","title":"Episode 282: Mario is Missing","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/282","content_text":"Did you know Francisco Franco is most famous for being \"stuffy\"? MARIOFACTS.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDid you know Francisco Franco is most famous for being \u0026quot;stuffy\u0026quot;? MARIOFACTS.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Did you know Francisco Franco is most famous for being \"stuffy\"? MARIOFACTS.","date_published":"2019-01-28T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/955950a6-dde0-4172-8cb8-a92202939299.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":14090575,"duration_in_seconds":1760}]},{"id":"8f663e72-61fb-45a6-bd16-7be53dbdccf3","title":"Episode 281: Stretch Panic","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/281","content_text":"You remember this as a quirky tech demo. In reality, it's a game about pinching boobs.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou remember this as a quirky tech demo. In reality, it\u0026#39;s a game about pinching boobs.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You remember this as a quirky tech demo. In reality, it's a game about pinching boobs.","date_published":"2019-01-21T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8f663e72-61fb-45a6-bd16-7be53dbdccf3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22374527,"duration_in_seconds":2796}]},{"id":"1aeafe80-c75b-4ede-9fb2-a2811a8207e8","title":"Episode 280: Plumbers Don't Wear Ties","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/280","content_text":"Maximum baffling. Maximum repugnant.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMaximum baffling. Maximum repugnant.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Maximum baffling. Maximum repugnant.","date_published":"2019-01-14T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1aeafe80-c75b-4ede-9fb2-a2811a8207e8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22226569,"duration_in_seconds":2777}]},{"id":"c62417cb-14e7-4806-9ef2-3f6b98baaefb","title":"Exquisite Suffering Preview: 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/50centfree","content_text":"Hi! Because of the Patreon changes we're making, we want to take this opportunity to serve up a taste of what the premium episodes of Abject Suffering are like. People really seem to enjoy this episode about 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, so we're making it free.\n\nWhen you back our Patreon at the $5 level, you get two extra episodes of Abject Suffering per month. If you back at the $10 level, you can listen to every episode that's been released (along with every Adaptation Decay, DuckTRAX... the list goes on).\n\nSo go to patreon.com/duckfeedtv and give it a try!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHi! Because of the Patreon changes we\u0026#39;re making, we want to take this opportunity to serve up a taste of what the premium episodes of Abject Suffering are like. People really seem to enjoy this episode about 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, so we\u0026#39;re making it free.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhen you back our Patreon at the $5 level, you get two extra episodes of Abject Suffering per month. If you back at the $10 level, you can listen to every episode that\u0026#39;s been released (along with every Adaptation Decay, DuckTRAX... the list goes on).\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo go to patreon.com/duckfeedtv and give it a try!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Just a taste.","date_published":"2019-01-10T12:30:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c62417cb-14e7-4806-9ef2-3f6b98baaefb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":28249779,"duration_in_seconds":3530}]},{"id":"16679777-6e1e-484d-bb12-c8aff624c4e0","title":"Episode 279: Off-World Interceptor","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/279","content_text":"The weirdest creative Hail Mary we've ever seen a studio throw.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe weirdest creative Hail Mary we\u0026#39;ve ever seen a studio throw.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The weirdest creative Hail Mary we've ever seen a studio throw.","date_published":"2019-01-07T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/16679777-6e1e-484d-bb12-c8aff624c4e0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18323039,"duration_in_seconds":2289}]},{"id":"579136ea-d17e-4318-b604-2e140ad04ec9","title":"Duckfeed Patreon 2019: Big New Things","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/patreon2019","content_text":"Hello, listeners and patrons alike. We come to you with some exciting news: We are changing the Patreon around! It feels like we just did this, but the last major change was back toward the beginning of 2017. We’re trying to constantly observe what’s happening with the network and learn what to do better. That means making changes like this from time to time.\n\nWe’re also aiming to never shake things up in a way that is too disruptive to you, the listener. We want to give more (or at least focus up and give better). So we put a lot of thought and consideration into making sure these changes either solve problems or help us achieve goals.\n\nHere’s the summary of what we’re planning, and you can find the details below. In order to grow the network, give patrons more, and cover rising costs, we plan to:\n\n\nBring back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show.\nGive Patrons a whole episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!\nMove from theme months to covering big-name games more frequently.\nChange WOFF! Listener Response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch, make it more interactive, and have broader topic discussions.\nMake Adaptation Decay a monthly show.\nWe are getting rid of the content store, and making premium episodes available on Patreon in perpetuity.\nWe are phasing out the promise of physical goods, and sending out an “I’m Sorry!” package to people who never got theirs.\nIn general, we are simplifying the Patreon drastically, while offering more at each tier.\n\n\nSo without further preamble, let’s get into more detail.\n\nWe want to grow.\nWe want to grow in both listenership, patronage, and income. We are proud of the work that we do, and never want to stagnate in any of the aforementioned areas. Growth requires change.\n\nWe want to give patrons more.\nThe best way to keep listeners and members around is to always try to give more (or give better). This is also the best way to bring new people in. We are grateful to our patrons, past and present, and we want to make sure we’re giving them stuff they want.\n\nWe want to meet rising costs.\nThere are costs associated with doing this at the professional level. Traveling to live shows is expensive. Hosting, web services, applications, and equipment are expensive. Being self-employed is expensive (both Gary and I do this full time and need to cover things like health insurance). And since we’re covering more new games, we’re spending more on games! This is not a hobby for us, we’re committed to doing this full time as our main means of support, and this means keeping up with costs.\n\nPeople want Bonfireside Chat.\nAnd we want to give it to them. We also want to play to our strengths as a network whose bread and butter is games club content. We put Bonfireside Chat to bed when it felt like it was the right thing to do. We stuck with our guns for a long time. But with Sekiro on the horizon, and some damn-fine Soulslikes already here, it feels right to take the show out of cold storage.\n\nSo we are bringing back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show, with a slightly different format. Listen to Bonfireside Chat 2.0 Episode 0 on the feed to learn more. Our first game is the Soulslike shooter Immortal Unchained!\n\nWe want to value WOFF! appropriately.\nWatch Out for Fireballs! is the network’s flagship show. It also takes a lot of time to produce. We play through the entire game (whether it’s 1 hour or 100), research the games, write outlines that total in the thousands of words, record for hours, and edit. In looking at how to make this tenable in the long run, we have decided to make one episode of WOFF! per month premium.\n\nThis does two things: It makes the Patreon more valuable for our members, and it incentivizes more membership.\n\nBut don’t panic! When an episode goes premium, we will include a good portion of it on the public feed (up through the Generalities). So you still get something each week, it’s just that the play-by-play goes to members.\n\nNOTE 1: This won’t go into effect for January. We already announced those games, and we don’t want to revoke access to something anyone was excited for.\n\nNOTE 2: We will still have multi-part episodes, but we will never put a whole episode (Part 2, 3, or 4) behind a paywall. Only single episodes will get this treatment.\n\nWOFF! Theme Months are going away.\nThis was a very fun idea. But it was also hell to plan for, in addition to other WOFF-based pattern incentives. So we feel like it has run its course. We want to exercise more control over the games we pick for WOFF! so we can pace out the year and cover exciting stuff. Anyone who has paid for a WOFF Theme Month will still get their topics covered, but after that hopper is exhausted the theme months will go away.\n\nWe want the WOFF! Listener Response episodes to be more interesting.\nRight now, not a lot of folks listen to the letters episodes on WOFF. Additionally, not a lot of people listen to the behind-the-scenes episodes of DuckTRAX, and we don’t get very many prompts/responses. SO! We’re getting rid of DuckTRAX and changing the listener response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch.\n\nSo the last episode of WOFF! for each month will contain responses about the games from that month, prompts and questions from the Patrons, and a segment that is a longer-form discussion about a particular topic. These will be fun experiments, and we hope you’re down for them.\n\nWe want to do more Adaptation Decay\nAdaptation Decay is our premium show about how video games are adapted into other media, and it’s a fun show to do. Right now we have it on a very strange “8 times a year” rhythm. With DuckTRAX going away, we are taking Adaptation Decay monthly!\n\nThe content store is complicated, and having content time-gated on Patreon is confusing and dissatisfying.\nSo we’re not going to fuck with that anymore. If you back at $10 per month, you’ll get access to the firehose of content. Every premium WOFF, Bonfireside Chat Exquisite Suffering, Adaptation Decay, DuckTRAX, Try This… and whatever other one-off Duckfeed Presents stuff we make for you. We appreciate people who support us, and we want you to get your money’s worth, both in terms of the backlog and future value.\n\nWe really biffed the physical goods.\nUnder the old scheme, we offered physical goods packs and a DuckZine. We failed to deliver those, because we overestimated our ability to meet that logistical challenge. So the new scheme has no physical rewards.\nTo say sorry for our past neglect of this promise, we will be sending out one large package to everyone who was qualified for those rewards (you should have already received an email about this). We are sorry that we disappointed you on this front, and there’s really no excuse. We hope the I’m Sorry package helps.\n\nWe’re honoring our previous commitments.\nPeople who paid for theme months will get those theme months covered. If you have a WOFF! game demand or Abject Suffering demand in the hopper, that’s still there.\nThe current Patreon scheme is complicated and we want to simplify it.\nWe have a lot of reward tiers and stretch goals. Some of the reward tiers require backing for several months, which is confusing. In general, we let the Patreon grow tangled and weird, and we want to prune it down so it’s easier for you to pick the right tier.\n\nSo, we’ve got less of everything, but what remains should be even more valuable. We are reducing the number of new shows on the horizon, because we are already stretched pretty thin. But there’s still stuff to aim for, and we hope this makes the Patreon much more valuable and friendly.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHello, listeners and patrons alike. We come to you with some exciting news: \u003ca href=\"http://patreon.com/duckfeedtv\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWe are changing the Patreon around!\u003c/a\u003e It feels like we just did this, but the last major change was back toward the beginning of 2017. We’re trying to constantly observe what’s happening with the network and learn what to do better. That means making changes like this from time to time.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWe’re also aiming to never shake things up in a way that is too disruptive to you, the listener. We want to give more (or at least focus up and give better). So we put a lot of thought and consideration into making sure these changes either solve problems or help us achieve goals.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHere’s the summary of what we’re planning, and you can find the details below. \u003cstrong\u003eIn order to grow the network, give patrons more, and cover rising costs, we plan to:\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBring back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGive Patrons a whole episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMove from theme months to covering big-name games more frequently.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eChange WOFF! Listener Response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch, make it more interactive, and have broader topic discussions.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMake Adaptation Decay a monthly show.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWe are getting rid of the content store, and making premium episodes available on Patreon in perpetuity.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWe are phasing out the promise of physical goods, and sending out an “I’m Sorry!” package to people who never got theirs.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIn general, we are simplifying the Patreon drastically, while offering more at each tier.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo without further preamble, let’s get into more detail.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want to grow.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nWe want to grow in both listenership, patronage, and income. We are proud of the work that we do, and never want to stagnate in any of the aforementioned areas. Growth requires change.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want to give patrons more.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nThe best way to keep listeners and members around is to always try to give more (or give better). This is also the best way to bring new people in. We are grateful to our patrons, past and present, and we want to make sure we’re giving them stuff they want.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want to meet rising costs.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nThere are costs associated with doing this at the professional level. Traveling to live shows is expensive. Hosting, web services, applications, and equipment are expensive. Being self-employed is expensive (both Gary and I do this full time and need to cover things like health insurance). And since we’re covering more new games, we’re spending more on games! This is not a hobby for us, we’re committed to doing this full time as our main means of support, and this means keeping up with costs.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePeople want Bonfireside Chat.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nAnd we want to give it to them. We also want to play to our strengths as a network whose bread and butter is games club content. We put Bonfireside Chat to bed when it felt like it was the right thing to do. We stuck with our guns for a long time. But with Sekiro on the horizon, and some damn-fine Soulslikes already here, it feels right to take the show out of cold storage.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo we are bringing back Bonfireside Chat as a Patreon show, with a slightly different format. Listen to Bonfireside Chat 2.0 Episode 0 on the feed to learn more. Our first game is the Soulslike shooter Immortal Unchained!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want to value WOFF! appropriately.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nWatch Out for Fireballs! is the network’s flagship show. It also takes a lot of time to produce. We play through the entire game (whether it’s 1 hour or 100), research the games, write outlines that total in the thousands of words, record for hours, and edit. In looking at how to make this tenable in the long run, we have decided to make one episode of WOFF! per month premium.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis does two things: It makes the Patreon more valuable for our members, and it incentivizes more membership.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBut don’t panic! When an episode goes premium, we will include a good portion of it on the public feed (up through the Generalities). So you still get something each week, it’s just that the play-by-play goes to members.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNOTE 1: This won’t go into effect for January. We already announced those games, and we don’t want to revoke access to something anyone was excited for.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNOTE 2: We will still have multi-part episodes, but we will never put a whole episode (Part 2, 3, or 4) behind a paywall. Only single episodes will get this treatment.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWOFF! Theme Months are going away.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nThis was a very fun idea. But it was also \u003cem\u003ehell\u003c/em\u003e to plan for, in addition to other WOFF-based pattern incentives. So we feel like it has run its course. We want to exercise more control over the games we pick for WOFF! so we can pace out the year and cover exciting stuff. Anyone who has paid for a WOFF Theme Month will still get their topics covered, but after that hopper is exhausted the theme months will go away.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want the WOFF! Listener Response episodes to be more interesting.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nRight now, not a lot of folks listen to the letters episodes on WOFF. Additionally, not a lot of people listen to the behind-the-scenes episodes of DuckTRAX, and we don’t get very many prompts/responses. SO! We’re getting rid of DuckTRAX and changing the listener response episodes to WOFF! Dispatch.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo the last episode of WOFF! for each month will contain responses about the games from that month, prompts and questions from the Patrons, and a segment that is a longer-form discussion about a particular topic. These will be fun experiments, and we hope you’re down for them.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe want to do more Adaptation Decay\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nAdaptation Decay is our premium show about how video games are adapted into other media, and it’s a fun show to do. Right now we have it on a very strange “8 times a year” rhythm. With DuckTRAX going away, we are taking Adaptation Decay monthly!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe content store is complicated, and having content time-gated on Patreon is confusing and dissatisfying.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nSo we’re not going to fuck with that anymore. If you back at $10 per month, you’ll get access to the firehose of content. Every premium WOFF, Bonfireside Chat Exquisite Suffering, Adaptation Decay, DuckTRAX, Try This… and whatever other one-off Duckfeed Presents stuff we make for you. We appreciate people who support us, and we want you to get your money’s worth, both in terms of the backlog and future value.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe really biffed the physical goods.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nUnder the old scheme, we offered physical goods packs and a DuckZine. We failed to deliver those, because we overestimated our ability to meet that logistical challenge. So the new scheme has no physical rewards.\u003cbr\u003e\nTo say sorry for our past neglect of this promise, we will be sending out one large package to everyone who was qualified for those rewards (you should have already received an email about this). We are sorry that we disappointed you on this front, and there’s really no excuse. We hope the I’m Sorry package helps.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe’re honoring our previous commitments.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nPeople who paid for theme months will get those theme months covered. If you have a WOFF! game demand or Abject Suffering demand in the hopper, that’s still there.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe current Patreon scheme is complicated and we want to simplify it.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nWe have a lot of reward tiers and stretch goals. Some of the reward tiers require backing for several months, which is confusing. In general, we let the Patreon grow tangled and weird, and we want to prune it down so it’s easier for you to pick the right tier.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo, we’ve got less of everything, but what remains should be even more valuable. We are reducing the number of new shows on the horizon, because we are already stretched pretty thin. But there’s still stuff to aim for, and we hope this makes the Patreon much more valuable and friendly.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"New year, new goals.","date_published":"2019-01-01T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/579136ea-d17e-4318-b604-2e140ad04ec9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19083307,"duration_in_seconds":2384}]},{"id":"640d2be9-9452-4778-8da8-2aa43f12572a","title":"Episode 278: Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/278","content_text":"Socks the Cat disappeared after refusing a subpoena from the Starr independent council. He reappeared in Argentina as El Gato Calcetinas.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSocks the Cat disappeared after refusing a subpoena from the Starr independent council. He reappeared in Argentina as El Gato Calcetinas.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Socks the Cat disappeared after refusing a subpoena from the Starr independent council. He reappeared in Argentina as El Gato Calcetinas.","date_published":"2018-12-31T19:30:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/640d2be9-9452-4778-8da8-2aa43f12572a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":15680701,"duration_in_seconds":1959}]},{"id":"9068ecbd-5bb3-4a0a-8a63-c48a1c8c1f97","title":"Episode 277: Willow","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/277","content_text":"We throw Gary a bone and talk about Willow for a long time. I'm no happier than you are about this.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe throw Gary a bone and talk about Willow for a long time. I\u0026#39;m no happier than you are about this.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We throw Gary a bone and talk about Willow for a long time. I'm no happier than you are about this.","date_published":"2018-12-24T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9068ecbd-5bb3-4a0a-8a63-c48a1c8c1f97.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":25833557,"duration_in_seconds":3228}]},{"id":"151f8326-e77a-43d6-9d11-1225abc15352","title":"Episode 276: Gundam Wing: Endless Duel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/276","content_text":"It's a classic Abject Suffering showdown! Gary is extremely apathetic toward Gundams, while Kole is mildly apathetic but remembers liking them in the past. Catch the clash!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a classic Abject Suffering showdown! Gary is extremely apathetic toward Gundams, while Kole is mildly apathetic but remembers liking them in the past. Catch the clash!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a classic Abject Suffering showdown! Gary is extremely apathetic toward Gundams, while Kole is mildly apathetic but remembers liking them in the past. Catch the clash!","date_published":"2018-12-17T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/151f8326-e77a-43d6-9d11-1225abc15352.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23481701,"duration_in_seconds":2934}]},{"id":"f3acad1d-18ee-45a8-bd22-faccae55af44","title":"Episode 275: Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/275","content_text":"This episode has kind of a big round number, so we gotta bring out the big guns... including one of our favorite Wikipedia sentences ever.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis episode has kind of a big round number, so we gotta bring out the big guns... including one of our favorite Wikipedia sentences ever.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This episode has kind of a big round number, so we gotta bring out the big guns... including one of our favorite Wikipedia sentences ever.","date_published":"2018-12-10T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f3acad1d-18ee-45a8-bd22-faccae55af44.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19788613,"duration_in_seconds":2473}]},{"id":"ca331ba8-9e48-4495-a7c8-68934f091af6","title":"Episode 274: Chiller","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/274","content_text":"A new contender takes the GameFAQs Gold crown.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA new contender takes the GameFAQs Gold crown.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A new contender takes the GameFAQs Gold crown.","date_published":"2018-12-03T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ca331ba8-9e48-4495-a7c8-68934f091af6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23252659,"duration_in_seconds":2906}]},{"id":"bcc84499-7be9-415b-b44d-5e506ebfcdcc","title":"Episode 273: Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/273","content_text":"Oh No, It's Another Boring 16-bit Fighting Game!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOh No, It\u0026#39;s Another Boring 16-bit Fighting Game!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Oh No, It's Another Boring 16-bit Fighting Game!","date_published":"2018-11-26T20:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bcc84499-7be9-415b-b44d-5e506ebfcdcc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":17865583,"duration_in_seconds":2232}]},{"id":"f87e4250-269c-497a-bc3a-053facad25f2","title":"Episode 272: Primal Rage","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/272","content_text":"Listen to Kole fail Gary's test at naming a good dino.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen to Kole fail Gary\u0026#39;s test at naming a good dino.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listen to Kole fail Gary's test at naming a good dino.","date_published":"2018-11-19T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f87e4250-269c-497a-bc3a-053facad25f2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18302559,"duration_in_seconds":2287}]},{"id":"b658d459-3405-47bf-b093-3cf38520a870","title":"Episode 271: Angel Adventures","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/271","content_text":"Imported from Norway, it's one of the few iOS games we've covered on the show!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eImported from Norway, it\u0026#39;s one of the few iOS games we\u0026#39;ve covered on the show!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Imported from Norway, it's one of the few iOS games we've covered on the show!","date_published":"2018-11-12T05:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b658d459-3405-47bf-b093-3cf38520a870.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21536518,"duration_in_seconds":2691}]},{"id":"f7ab0b14-996e-40d0-9bd7-21a0a4547eab","title":"Episode 270: Techno Cop","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/270","content_text":"From the people who brought you Perish Hard, Last Blood, and Angry Max.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFrom the people who brought you Perish Hard, Last Blood, and Angry Max.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"From the people who brought you Perish Hard, Last Blood, and Angry Max.","date_published":"2018-11-05T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f7ab0b14-996e-40d0-9bd7-21a0a4547eab.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18899614,"duration_in_seconds":2361}]},{"id":"f97434c7-ebdb-4854-9aca-5a5eb24ca0ae","title":"Episode 269: Sailor Moon: Another Story","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/269","content_text":"This might surprise you, but we think Sailor Moon is cool and good. This game, however, is very very bad.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis might surprise you, but we think Sailor Moon is cool and good. This game, however, is very very bad.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This might surprise you, but we think Sailor Moon is cool and good. This game, however, is very very bad.","date_published":"2018-10-29T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f97434c7-ebdb-4854-9aca-5a5eb24ca0ae.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23447637,"duration_in_seconds":2930}]},{"id":"d13da618-2ec4-4763-921e-1afe52a7c90c","title":"Episode 268: The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/268","content_text":"The title is a lie. Rocky and Bullwinkle have no friends.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe title is a lie. Rocky and Bullwinkle have no friends.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The title is a lie. 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Seriously, look up a video of this game.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe most Psygnosis-looking non-Psygnosis game is virtually unplayable. Seriously, look up a video of this game.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The most Psygnosis-looking non-Psygnosis game is virtually unplayable. 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Gold! Seriously, go play it right away. We'll wait.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis anti-game is gold, Jerry! Gold! \u003ca href=\"http://pntgrm.com\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSeriously, go play it right away.\u003c/a\u003e We\u0026#39;ll wait.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This anti-game is gold, Jerry! Gold!","date_published":"2018-02-05T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6e5e38ed-b30c-4763-bc96-11497c35b5d0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22076225,"duration_in_seconds":2673}]},{"id":"d409653b-7c73-4cf5-9777-f6ba240cbd2f","title":"Episode 230: X-Men: Destiny","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/230","content_text":"Syrg joins us to talk about the infamously bad Silicon Knights game \"X-Men: Destiny\". We are not taking offers for debates at this time.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSyrg joins us to talk about the infamously bad Silicon Knights game \u0026quot;X-Men: Destiny\u0026quot;. We are not taking offers for debates at this time.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Syrg joins us to talk about the infamously bad Silicon Knights game \"X-Men: Destiny\". 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This episode of the show is mostly about coping with trashgut.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIrritating Stick is a game about not touching the sides. This episode of the show is mostly about coping with trashgut.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Irritating Stick is a game about not touching the sides. 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Babo: Invasion","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/219","content_text":"Kids will go crazy for these ugly spheres... for boys!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKids will go crazy for these ugly spheres... for boys!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Kids will go crazy for these ugly spheres... for boys!","date_published":"2017-11-13T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9152b260-1422-4a19-a337-cbc9f710e1c4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18286659,"duration_in_seconds":2210}]},{"id":"4f4d16f4-11e0-4445-adaf-abbf555a9b84","title":"Episode 218: Wetrix","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/218","content_text":"Wetrix is most certainly NOT for kids.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWetrix is most certainly NOT for kids.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Wetrix is most certainly NOT for kids.","date_published":"2017-11-06T05:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4f4d16f4-11e0-4445-adaf-abbf555a9b84.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20402799,"duration_in_seconds":2493}]},{"id":"626bd8f1-4701-4fbd-a4fd-efb91894f3d2","title":"Episode 217: American Truck Simulator","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/217","content_text":"10-4 we got a bear in the hoopty stripe. Hopalong to the med-bay for some snackattacks","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e10-4 we got a bear in the hoopty stripe. Hopalong to the med-bay for some snackattacks\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"10-4 we got a bear in the hoopty stripe. 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Your head will get bigger as your body gets smaller, until you roll down a hill and disappear.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf you say \u0026quot;Altered Beast\u0026quot; backward, the curse will activate. Your head will get bigger as your body gets smaller, until you roll down a hill and disappear.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"If you say \"Altered Beast\" backward, the curse will activate. Your head will get bigger as your body gets smaller, until you roll down a hill and disappear.","date_published":"2017-09-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fec773de-b759-43e7-99de-ea7289eb2c54.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":26397859,"duration_in_seconds":3084}]},{"id":"33123ddd-cd92-467f-b412-df763ae8d92a","title":"Episode 209: Dwarf Fortress","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/209","content_text":"We know this is a good game. We're just overwhelmed.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe know this is a good game. We\u0026#39;re just overwhelmed.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We know this is a good game. 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No, really, have you seen this? Because it's very good.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHave you seen THIS? No, really, have you seen this? Because it\u0026#39;s very good.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Have you seen THIS? No, really, have you seen this? Because it's very good.","date_published":"2017-08-21T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/166583d8-657a-4ce4-8e24-80787eb2212d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18383019,"duration_in_seconds":2196}]},{"id":"1a85c18e-7e1f-46ab-a7d4-b4459522d080","title":"Episode 206: Rocko's Modern Life: Spunky's Dangerous Day","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/206","content_text":"We didn't know about the updated Rocko reboot movie when we recorded this, which is eerie.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe didn\u0026#39;t know about the updated Rocko reboot movie when we recorded this, which is eerie.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We didn't know about the updated Rocko reboot movie when we recorded this, which is eerie.","date_published":"2017-08-14T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1a85c18e-7e1f-46ab-a7d4-b4459522d080.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":16774721,"duration_in_seconds":1904}]},{"id":"8fa84551-1dc7-45a5-97a7-8430f1142de9","title":"Episode 205: Hamtaro: Ham Ham Games","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/205","content_text":"Incredibly cute. Incredibly not for us.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIncredibly cute. Incredibly not for us.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Incredibly cute. Incredibly not for us.","date_published":"2017-08-07T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8fa84551-1dc7-45a5-97a7-8430f1142de9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19442862,"duration_in_seconds":2326}]},{"id":"4b2ad2bd-835c-4a54-b340-aebc7a12d0be","title":"Episode 204: Congo: The Movie - The Secret of Zinj","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/204","content_text":"An unreleased non-classic keeps rolling on the river while we revisit the topic of Buffo, the strong clown we admire.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn unreleased non-classic keeps rolling on the river while we revisit the topic of Buffo, the strong clown we admire.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An unreleased non-classic keeps rolling on the river while we revisit the topic of Buffo, the strong clown we admire.","date_published":"2017-07-31T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4b2ad2bd-835c-4a54-b340-aebc7a12d0be.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21107639,"duration_in_seconds":2543}]},{"id":"a3215184-fcab-4502-8274-8d842ff7a1bf","title":"Episode 203: Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/203","content_text":"Let's get our hands dirty, it's the junk food half hour.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLet\u0026#39;s get our hands dirty, it\u0026#39;s the junk food half hour.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Let's get our hands dirty, it's the junk food half hour.","date_published":"2017-07-24T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a3215184-fcab-4502-8274-8d842ff7a1bf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20436524,"duration_in_seconds":2429}]},{"id":"39374233-4018-4cf1-a20c-48dcc08e903d","title":"Episode 202: Spawn: The Eternal","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/202","content_text":"A bold vision of an eternal Halloween.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA bold vision of an eternal Halloween.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A bold vision of an eternal Halloween.","date_published":"2017-07-17T05:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/39374233-4018-4cf1-a20c-48dcc08e903d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19265997,"duration_in_seconds":2373}]},{"id":"c20a75a7-e407-40a3-9147-821c7fc31d35","title":"Episode 201: Dynowarz: Destruction of Spondylus","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/201","content_text":"This monument stands proud for all those who were lost in the destruction of Spondylus.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis monument stands proud for all those who were lost in the destruction of Spondylus.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This monument stands proud for all those who were lost in the destruction of Spondylus.","date_published":"2017-07-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c20a75a7-e407-40a3-9147-821c7fc31d35.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20290259,"duration_in_seconds":2492}]},{"id":"77f6ce2e-8f66-45ce-9585-93c959bf9a03","title":"Episode 200: Return to the R-Zone Zone","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/200","content_text":"James Cameron brought out sweet baby boys back to us, but they've changed.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJames Cameron brought out sweet baby boys back to us, but they\u0026#39;ve changed.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"James Cameron brought out sweet baby boys back to us, but they've changed.","date_published":"2017-07-03T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/77f6ce2e-8f66-45ce-9585-93c959bf9a03.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23464412,"duration_in_seconds":2912}]},{"id":"7281605d-3fd9-45c7-a7ff-95f32088ac72","title":"Episode 199: Dirty Harry","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/199","content_text":"Luck is an artificial construct that anthropomorphizes the chaotic forces that make the choices in your minuscule life not matter.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLuck is an artificial construct that anthropomorphizes the chaotic forces that make the choices in your minuscule life not matter.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Luck is an artificial construct that anthropomorphizes the chaotic forces that make the choices in your minuscule life not matter.","date_published":"2017-06-26T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7281605d-3fd9-45c7-a7ff-95f32088ac72.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22919718,"duration_in_seconds":2718}]},{"id":"9e224d62-b486-4d59-80a3-6282180ce001","title":"Episode 198: Bugs Bunny: Lost in Time","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/198","content_text":"It's been a little while since we got some verified GameFAQs Gold. Enjoy!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s been a little while since we got some verified GameFAQs Gold. Enjoy!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's been a little while since we got some verified GameFAQs Gold. Enjoy!","date_published":"2017-06-19T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9e224d62-b486-4d59-80a3-6282180ce001.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":17758782,"duration_in_seconds":2189}]},{"id":"fa2c9389-895a-4008-9855-6d33b4f2d981","title":"Episode 197: Izzy's Quest for the Olympic Rings","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/197","content_text":"It's the second ever Abject Suffering to require a disclaimer.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s the second ever Abject Suffering to require a disclaimer.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's the second ever Abject Suffering to require a disclaimer.","date_published":"2017-06-12T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fa2c9389-895a-4008-9855-6d33b4f2d981.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20818356,"duration_in_seconds":2534}]},{"id":"7fd65b7b-539a-4aa3-a542-fe10d8b73abc","title":"Episode 196: Zombitatos the end of the Pc master race","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/196","content_text":"If you think just the words \"Gabe Newell\" are a joke, you'll love this episode about the worst thing we've covered.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf you think just the words \u0026quot;Gabe Newell\u0026quot; are a joke, you\u0026#39;ll love this episode about the worst thing we\u0026#39;ve covered.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"If you think just the words \"Gabe Newell\" are a joke, you'll love this episode about the worst thing we've covered.","date_published":"2017-06-05T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7fd65b7b-539a-4aa3-a542-fe10d8b73abc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22351826,"duration_in_seconds":2689}]},{"id":"27d5020d-51ca-41db-91c0-62532f9edb8f","title":"Episode 195: Mighty Bomb Jack","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/195","content_text":"Let's attend to the question of Kole's sandwich paradox.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLet\u0026#39;s attend to the question of Kole\u0026#39;s sandwich paradox.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Let's attend to the question of Kole's sandwich paradox.","date_published":"2017-05-29T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/27d5020d-51ca-41db-91c0-62532f9edb8f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21217878,"duration_in_seconds":2526}]},{"id":"4aea7cc0-9db4-4b97-bb4d-9e025def091f","title":"Episode 194: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/194","content_text":"Don't leave your music on shuffle during sex if the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers theme song is in your library.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDon\u0026#39;t leave your music on shuffle during sex if the Mighty Morphin\u0026#39; Power Rangers theme song is in your library.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Don't leave your music on shuffle during sex if the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers theme song is in your library.","date_published":"2017-05-22T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4aea7cc0-9db4-4b97-bb4d-9e025def091f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21958516,"duration_in_seconds":2645}]},{"id":"d8bce33e-3492-45ca-b566-92f2d75038a1","title":"Episode 193: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/193","content_text":"The League of Extraordinary Hams has united. Will Alan Rickman, Dennis Hopper, and Tim Curry make it across the country to see Robin Williams with their friendship intact?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe League of Extraordinary Hams has united. Will Alan Rickman, Dennis Hopper, and Tim Curry make it across the country to see Robin Williams with their friendship intact?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The League of Extraordinary Hams has united. Will Alan Rickman, Dennis Hopper, and Tim Curry make it across the country to see Robin Williams with their friendship intact?","date_published":"2017-05-15T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d8bce33e-3492-45ca-b566-92f2d75038a1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":24225768,"duration_in_seconds":2755}]},{"id":"b16c2c23-760b-4fbd-9d0e-b1f333e8e6fa","title":"Episode 192: Ghostbusters II","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/192","content_text":"Bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' ","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; bustin\u0026#39; \u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' ","date_published":"2017-05-08T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b16c2c23-760b-4fbd-9d0e-b1f333e8e6fa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21068331,"duration_in_seconds":2594}]},{"id":"cc6a1a5e-c33a-433c-bb91-c5cf44edb898","title":"Episode 191: Infernal: Hell's Vengeance","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/191","content_text":"From the makers of Gorky17, winner of \"Title of the Year\" every year since its release.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFrom the makers of Gorky17, winner of \u0026quot;Title of the Year\u0026quot; every year since its release.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"From the makers of Gorky17, winner of \"Title of the Year\" every year since its release.","date_published":"2017-05-01T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cc6a1a5e-c33a-433c-bb91-c5cf44edb898.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18008443,"duration_in_seconds":2220}]},{"id":"acd4aa19-c6d2-4406-b72b-cd688eac45e0","title":"Episode 190: Rocket: Robot on Wheels","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/190","content_text":"Beep beep, I'm a robot on wheels.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBeep beep, I\u0026#39;m a robot on wheels.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Beep beep, I'm a robot on wheels.","date_published":"2017-04-24T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/acd4aa19-c6d2-4406-b72b-cd688eac45e0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23952680,"duration_in_seconds":2832}]},{"id":"5b9dd121-8899-4495-ab03-dbb7d82bb9c3","title":"Episode 189: Make My Video","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/189","content_text":"Brayton Cameron joins us for a Teenage Dirtbags crossover!Special Guest: Brayton Cameron.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBrayton Cameron joins us for a Teenage Dirtbags crossover!\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Brayton Cameron.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Brayton Cameron joins us for a Teenage Dirtbags crossover!","date_published":"2017-04-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5b9dd121-8899-4495-ab03-dbb7d82bb9c3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":26838975,"duration_in_seconds":3068}]},{"id":"d2f7d7d9-80c3-42c5-a344-d40cb0d7a2db","title":"Episode 188: Smart Ball","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/188","content_text":"Doesn't seem so smart to me!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDoesn\u0026#39;t seem so smart to me!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Doesn't seem so smart to me!","date_published":"2017-04-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d2f7d7d9-80c3-42c5-a344-d40cb0d7a2db.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22713296,"duration_in_seconds":2593}]},{"id":"1fcdb631-68c5-493a-8593-419e9db7886f","title":"Episode 187: Aussie Rules Footy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/187","content_text":"We already struggle to talk about sports. Listen in to find out what happens when we have no knowledge of the game or its cultural context!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe already struggle to talk about sports. Listen in to find out what happens when we have no knowledge of the game or its cultural context!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We already struggle to talk about sports. Listen in to find out what happens when we have no knowledge of the game or its cultural context!","date_published":"2017-04-03T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1fcdb631-68c5-493a-8593-419e9db7886f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":18514407,"duration_in_seconds":2292}]},{"id":"342cf8cd-143a-4669-b62f-1d4f9ea45228","title":"Episode 186: Family Dog","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/186","content_text":"Since nobody knows what \"Family Dog\" is, we address the Shaq flat-earth controversy head on.Links:Beetlejuice's Rockin' Graveyard Revue - Universal Studios Hollywood - 1999 - YouTube","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSince nobody knows what \u0026quot;Family Dog\u0026quot; is, we address the Shaq flat-earth controversy head on.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Beetlejuice\u0026#39;s Rockin\u0026#39; Graveyard Revue - Universal Studios Hollywood - 1999 - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bfh39S0aTQg\"\u003eBeetlejuice's Rockin' Graveyard Revue - Universal Studios Hollywood - 1999 - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"Since nobody knows what \"Family Dog\" is, we address the Shaq flat-earth controversy head on.","date_published":"2017-03-26T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/342cf8cd-143a-4669-b62f-1d4f9ea45228.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":28853763,"duration_in_seconds":2858}]},{"id":"b33f99e4-2db8-4ea2-93ce-094d44a4ca7b","title":"Episode 185: Engineering Jones and the Time Thieves of DSPea!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/185","content_text":"The wonderful Jim Crawford joins us to talk about the weirdest advergame that ever was.\n\nYou should probably at least check this out. It's free. https://archive.org/details/msdos_ENGJONES_sharewareSpecial Guest: Jim Crawford.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe wonderful Jim Crawford joins us to talk about the weirdest advergame that ever was.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou should probably at least check this out. It\u0026#39;s free. \u003ca href=\"https://archive.org/details/msdos_ENGJONES_shareware\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003ehttps://archive.org/details/msdos_ENGJONES_shareware\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jim Crawford.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The wonderful Jim Crawford joins us to talk about the weirdest advergame that ever was.","date_published":"2017-03-20T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b33f99e4-2db8-4ea2-93ce-094d44a4ca7b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":33041035,"duration_in_seconds":4049}]},{"id":"84da7bdf-e7aa-4ba7-afda-59ff95a7b254","title":"Episode 184: Quattro Adventure","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/184","content_text":"Finally, we get the chance to not talk about four games at once!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFinally, we get the chance to not talk about four games at once!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Finally, we get the chance to not talk about four games at once!","date_published":"2017-03-13T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/84da7bdf-e7aa-4ba7-afda-59ff95a7b254.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19809353,"duration_in_seconds":2411}]},{"id":"79f62669-a6bd-4b81-9a8e-e436c78bd87f","title":"Episode 183: Wall Street Kid","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/183","content_text":"Greed is good, and so is this game... kinda.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGreed is good, and so is this game... kinda.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Greed is good, and so is this game... kinda.","date_published":"2017-03-06T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/79f62669-a6bd-4b81-9a8e-e436c78bd87f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19448586,"duration_in_seconds":1936}]},{"id":"d7520377-9f96-4102-b273-a32ff4195717","title":"Episode 182: Sunday Funday","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/182","content_text":"This game, also known as Menace Beach, teaches us that even Sunday School teachers can be sexy.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis game, also known as Menace Beach, teaches us that even Sunday School teachers can be sexy.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This game, also known as Menace Beach, teaches us that even Sunday School teachers can be sexy.","date_published":"2017-02-27T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d7520377-9f96-4102-b273-a32ff4195717.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21671865,"duration_in_seconds":2596}]},{"id":"fbc4c8bd-d43b-4ac8-82d4-734a28c5a860","title":"Episode 181: Mad Dog McCree","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/181","content_text":"Get along there pardner, to listen to us holler 'bout them FMV cowpokes over yonder.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGet along there pardner, to listen to us holler \u0026#39;bout them FMV cowpokes over yonder.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Get along there pardner, to listen to us holler 'bout them FMV cowpokes over yonder.","date_published":"2017-02-20T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fbc4c8bd-d43b-4ac8-82d4-734a28c5a860.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19738662,"duration_in_seconds":2390}]},{"id":"17ca7296-69ed-4e7b-92d4-531f32a46959","title":"Episode 180: Nightmare Circus","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/180","content_text":"It came from Brazil!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt came from Brazil!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It came from Brazil!","date_published":"2017-02-13T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/17ca7296-69ed-4e7b-92d4-531f32a46959.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21771974,"duration_in_seconds":2626}]},{"id":"9159fe90-4c10-4652-8a31-379ac6321747","title":"Episode 179: Goonies II","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/179","content_text":"Don't get it twisted: We like this game.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDon\u0026#39;t get it twisted: We like this game.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Don't get it twisted: We like this game.","date_published":"2017-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9159fe90-4c10-4652-8a31-379ac6321747.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19581652,"duration_in_seconds":2334}]},{"id":"f9790751-b71b-428e-95af-8d377efe74c9","title":"Episode 178: Robopon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/178","content_text":"When you go to the toilet, make sure it's a toilet.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhen you go to the toilet, make sure it\u0026#39;s a toilet.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"When you go to the toilet, make sure it's a toilet.","date_published":"2017-01-30T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f9790751-b71b-428e-95af-8d377efe74c9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23772596,"duration_in_seconds":2905}]},{"id":"ac436c60-7df3-46c1-99a6-30d850828fb8","title":"Episode 177: Joe \u0026 Mac","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/177","content_text":"Cave men AND ninjas? This is conceptually crowded. Please note: the last half hour of this episode is all spoiler-chat for Westworld.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCave men AND ninjas? This is conceptually crowded. Please note: the last half hour of this episode is all spoiler-chat for Westworld.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cave men AND ninjas? This is conceptually crowded. Please note: the last half hour of this episode is all spoiler-chat for Westworld.","date_published":"2017-01-23T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ac436c60-7df3-46c1-99a6-30d850828fb8.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29368450,"duration_in_seconds":3442}]},{"id":"eae9e797-7540-40e8-956e-6ece9bfb430f","title":"Episode 176: Castlevania 64","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/176","content_text":"It's a black sheep, ugly duckling, awkward teen. It's Castlevania 64, and we use it to talk about weird sex.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a black sheep, ugly duckling, awkward teen. It\u0026#39;s Castlevania 64, and we use it to talk about weird sex.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a black sheep, ugly duckling, awkward teen. It's Castlevania 64, and we use it to talk about weird sex.","date_published":"2017-01-16T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/eae9e797-7540-40e8-956e-6ece9bfb430f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23872664,"duration_in_seconds":2843}]},{"id":"dd8013bf-9f28-429b-a4dd-ce9d0a5ad03c","title":"Episode 175: Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/175","content_text":"Today we revisit the classic Leonard Nimoy documentary: \"In Search of... Mascot\". Sega, what were you thinking?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eToday we revisit the classic Leonard Nimoy documentary: \u0026quot;In Search of... Mascot\u0026quot;. Sega, what were you thinking?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Today we revisit the classic Leonard Nimoy documentary: \"In Search of... Mascot\". Sega, what were you thinking?","date_published":"2017-01-09T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dd8013bf-9f28-429b-a4dd-ce9d0a5ad03c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23738389,"duration_in_seconds":2871}]},{"id":"d25ecad9-90e9-479f-92c3-20b98fc0f7c2","title":"Episode 174: Eye of the Beholder","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/174","content_text":"Stay tuned through the end to learn shocking new facts about Beholders and Alton Brown.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eStay tuned through the end to learn shocking new facts about Beholders and Alton Brown.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Stay tuned through the end to learn shocking new facts about Beholders and Alton Brown.","date_published":"2017-01-02T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d25ecad9-90e9-479f-92c3-20b98fc0f7c2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19561629,"duration_in_seconds":2397}]},{"id":"1d035814-3732-40bd-9663-e9404bffe994","title":"Episode 173: Dungeons \u0026 Dragons: Warriors of the Eternal Sun","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/173","content_text":"Discussion of a bland D\u0026amp;D game for Genesis gives way to talk about sports, then a little bit about politics. Sorry, we're only human!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDiscussion of a bland D\u0026amp;D game for Genesis gives way to talk about sports, then a little bit about politics. Sorry, we\u0026#39;re only human!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Discussion of a bland D\u0026D game for Genesis gives way to talk about sports, then a little bit about politics. Sorry, we're only human!","date_published":"2016-12-26T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1d035814-3732-40bd-9663-e9404bffe994.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":27464175,"duration_in_seconds":3015}]},{"id":"99033382-50bb-44dc-ab49-abf4d6b4630c","title":"Episode 172: X-Men: Wolverin'es Rage / Revenge","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/172","content_text":"A small error and Marvel's lack of originality has lead to another classic Abject Suffering book report mix-em-up!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA small error and Marvel\u0026#39;s lack of originality has lead to another classic Abject Suffering book report mix-em-up!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A small error and Marvel's lack of originality has lead to another classic Abject Suffering book report mix-em-up!","date_published":"2016-12-19T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/99033382-50bb-44dc-ab49-abf4d6b4630c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20023149,"duration_in_seconds":2051}]},{"id":"7878bc93-18fe-411f-b0b5-f194c7b65350","title":"Episode 171: Cyberia","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/171","content_text":"My cyber friends, let us avoid the crunchpunks by plugging this filthy jack into the back of our elbows... Here we are: absorbed within the placentaverse of this vegan dopplersphere.Links:peaceful skeleton realm attacked by helicopter - YouTube","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMy cyber friends, let us avoid the crunchpunks by plugging this filthy jack into the back of our elbows... Here we are: absorbed within the placentaverse of this vegan dopplersphere.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"peaceful skeleton realm attacked by helicopter - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co6d3h-NpS8\"\u003epeaceful skeleton realm attacked by helicopter - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"My cyber friends, let us avoid the crunchpunks by plugging this filthy jack into the back of our elbows... Here we are: absorbed within the placentaverse of this vegan dopplersphere.","date_published":"2016-12-12T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7878bc93-18fe-411f-b0b5-f194c7b65350.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":26385997,"duration_in_seconds":3255}]},{"id":"ec335941-dd51-4f05-8614-0f7582e21cf4","title":"Episode 170: Kane \u0026 Lynch 2: Dog Days","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/170","content_text":"Can gritty presentation save a mediocre third person shooter? We find out what separates the 50 Cents from the rest.Links:Postal, Hatred, and Weighing the Worth of Asshole Simulators - YouTube","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCan gritty presentation save a mediocre third person shooter? We find out what separates the 50 Cents from the rest.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Postal, Hatred, and Weighing the Worth of Asshole Simulators - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kivtv6wabBk\"\u003ePostal, Hatred, and Weighing the Worth of Asshole Simulators - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"Can gritty presentation save a mediocre third person shooter? We find out what separates the 50 Cents from the rest.","date_published":"2016-12-05T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ec335941-dd51-4f05-8614-0f7582e21cf4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":20943818,"duration_in_seconds":2479}]},{"id":"b4fc9502-79d8-4213-88b5-68d6ff9d981f","title":"Episode 169: Space Ace","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/169","content_text":"Our most foul game prototype yet springs from a game that falls in the bottom 5% of everything we've ever covered on this show.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOur most foul game prototype yet springs from a game that falls in the bottom 5% of everything we\u0026#39;ve ever covered on this show.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Our most foul game prototype yet springs from a game that falls in the bottom 5% of everything we've ever covered on this show.","date_published":"2016-11-28T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b4fc9502-79d8-4213-88b5-68d6ff9d981f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":16230149,"duration_in_seconds":1978}]},{"id":"aafd1848-da55-4b50-89bc-69c40a6ce966","title":"Episode 168: Mega Man 3: The Robots Are Revolting","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/168","content_text":"Hi, I'm Maga Morn and I'm here to beat the Robert Masters.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHi, I\u0026#39;m Maga Morn and I\u0026#39;m here to beat the Robert Masters.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hi, I'm Maga Morn and I'm here to beat the Robert Masters.","date_published":"2016-11-21T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/aafd1848-da55-4b50-89bc-69c40a6ce966.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23573873,"duration_in_seconds":2922}]},{"id":"f93c09f6-f280-49a7-9749-438ee384da0a","title":"Episode 167: Iron \u0026 Blood: Warriors of Ravenloft","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/167","content_text":"Inside the case, you find an object so cursed that even Strahd would object to its existence. A dim mist descends.... You are now in Ravenloft.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eInside the case, you find an object so cursed that even Strahd would object to its existence. A dim mist descends.... You are now in Ravenloft.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Inside the case, you find an object so cursed that even Strahd would object to its existence. A dim mist descends.... You are now in Ravenloft.","date_published":"2016-11-14T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f93c09f6-f280-49a7-9749-438ee384da0a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":19164829,"duration_in_seconds":2342}]},{"id":"4e4b537e-6a18-4d28-98c9-a6f7c8c5419d","title":"Episode 166: Crazy Frog Racing 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/166","content_text":"Europe was a mistake.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEurope was a mistake.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Europe was a mistake.","date_published":"2016-11-07T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4e4b537e-6a18-4d28-98c9-a6f7c8c5419d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21115202,"duration_in_seconds":2568}]},{"id":"152ad7e7-930a-4da6-8741-ac0a569a4b6b","title":"Episode 165: NotGTAV","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/165","content_text":"Slight discussion of a super British anti-game quickly gives way to an anxious therapy session about the 2016 US election. You've been forewarned!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSlight discussion of a super British anti-game quickly gives way to an anxious therapy session about the 2016 US election. You\u0026#39;ve been forewarned!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Slight discussion of a super British anti-game quickly gives way to an anxious therapy session about the 2016 US election. You've been forewarned!","date_published":"2016-10-31T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/152ad7e7-930a-4da6-8741-ac0a569a4b6b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":36824872,"duration_in_seconds":3055}]},{"id":"9996a683-c438-4271-a60d-0601cb03d337","title":"Episode 164: Gremlins 2: The New Batch","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/164","content_text":"We recorded this one in case of emergency, since our great godfather died on Columbus Day.Links:Gremlins 2: The New Batch (video game) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaGremlins 2 - Nes - The New Batch - Full Playthrough - No Death - YouTubeGremlins 2 DOS - final level - YouTubeDOS - Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Motivetime) - YouTubeGremlins 2 Completed No Miss Game Boy - YouTubeKey \u0026amp; Peele - \"Gremlins 2\" Brainstorm - Uncensored - YouTubeGremlins 2: The New Batch Message Board for Amiga - GameFAQs — Look at this gaggle of weirdos.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe recorded this one in case of emergency, since our great godfather died on Columbus Day.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Gremlins 2: The New Batch (video game) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gremlins_2:_The_New_Batch_(video_game)\"\u003eGremlins 2: The New Batch (video game) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Gremlins 2 - Nes - The New Batch - Full Playthrough - No Death - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5D2Il569OE\"\u003eGremlins 2 - Nes - The New Batch - Full Playthrough - No Death - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Gremlins 2 DOS - final level - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ixJwVG544U\"\u003eGremlins 2 DOS - final level - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"DOS - Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Motivetime) - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBnl_78LOE4\"\u003eDOS - Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Motivetime) - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Gremlins 2 Completed No Miss Game Boy - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnQWym6k2AU\"\u003eGremlins 2 Completed No Miss Game Boy - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Key \u0026amp; Peele - \u0026quot;Gremlins 2\u0026quot; Brainstorm - Uncensored - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x01l_jMhjVM\"\u003eKey \u0026amp; Peele - \"Gremlins 2\" Brainstorm - Uncensored - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Gremlins 2: The New Batch Message Board for Amiga - GameFAQs\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/656086-gremlins-2-the-new-batch\"\u003eGremlins 2: The New Batch Message Board for Amiga - GameFAQs\u003c/a\u003e \u0026mdash; Look at this gaggle of weirdos.\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"We recorded this one in case of emergency, since our great godfather died on Columbus Day","date_published":"2016-10-24T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9996a683-c438-4271-a60d-0601cb03d337.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":24353038,"duration_in_seconds":2957}]},{"id":"a0745230-bf15-4a71-9d1e-af43fdfa40e1","title":"Episode 163: Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/163","content_text":"Gotta say this will be a weird one, Syrg. It's a dicey thing to talk about, hopefully we treat the subject matter with a respect that is completely lacking in the original product.Links:GBDNATE FAQ — A rundown of some of the goofier parts of the game's development.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGotta say this will be a weird one, Syrg. It\u0026#39;s a dicey thing to talk about, hopefully we treat the subject matter with a respect that is completely lacking in the original product.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"GBDNATE FAQ\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://sensualareola.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/steam-is-a-circus-run-by-charlantans/\"\u003eGBDNATE FAQ\u003c/a\u003e \u0026mdash; A rundown of some of the goofier parts of the game's development.\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"Gotta say this will be a weird one, Syrg. It's a dicey thing to talk about, hopefully we treat the subject matter with a respect that is completely lacking in the original product.","date_published":"2016-10-17T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a0745230-bf15-4a71-9d1e-af43fdfa40e1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":25430645,"duration_in_seconds":3057}]},{"id":"556b7971-020c-4f35-8c07-0634f3d81757","title":"Episode 162: Fun 'n' Games","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/162","content_text":"Prepare for a game that's better than Mario Paint, if your metric for quality is \"number of animal sounds available for music composition\".Links:Fun'n Games (SNES Gameplay) - YouTubeFun 'n Games - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePrepare for a game that\u0026#39;s better than Mario Paint, if your metric for quality is \u0026quot;number of animal sounds available for music composition\u0026quot;.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Fun\u0026#39;n Games (SNES Gameplay) - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8Z9zsY7O7w\"\u003eFun'n Games (SNES Gameplay) - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Fun \u0026#39;n Games - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fun_%27n_Games\"\u003eFun 'n Games - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"Prepare for a game that's better than Mario Paint, if your metric for quality is \"number of animal sounds available for music composition\".","date_published":"2016-10-10T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/556b7971-020c-4f35-8c07-0634f3d81757.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":22383751,"duration_in_seconds":2623}]},{"id":"8d6c258a-706b-43f5-9ea6-19a9465f2bc0","title":"Episode 161: Pesterminator: The Western Exterminator","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/161","content_text":"From behind you, you hear a wheezing rasp. Before you can turn, you feel the rush of air. You know he's standing there, wagging both his finger and his hammer. As though to confirm the inevitable, you make the last movement you'll ever make. You wheel around. It's Kernel Kleanup. You've been deemed inpure. Oblivion awaits.Links:Pesterminator: The Western Exterminator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaPesterminator by Color Dreams Nintendo NES Gameplay Part 1 - YouTube","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFrom behind you, you hear a wheezing rasp. Before you can turn, you feel the rush of air. You know he\u0026#39;s standing there, wagging both his finger and his hammer. As though to confirm the inevitable, you make the last movement you\u0026#39;ll ever make. You wheel around. It\u0026#39;s Kernel Kleanup. You\u0026#39;ve been deemed inpure. Oblivion awaits.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Pesterminator: The Western Exterminator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pesterminator:_The_Western_Exterminator\"\u003ePesterminator: The Western Exterminator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Pesterminator by Color Dreams Nintendo NES Gameplay Part 1 - YouTube\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERJHVHF8WT0\"\u003ePesterminator by Color Dreams Nintendo NES Gameplay Part 1 - YouTube\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"From behind you, you hear a wheezing rasp. Before you can turn, you feel the rush of air. You know he's standing there, wagging both his finger and his hammer. As though to confirm the inevitable, you make the last movement you'll ever make. You wheel around. It's Kernel Kleanup. You've been deemed inpure. Oblivion awaits.","date_published":"2016-10-03T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8d6c258a-706b-43f5-9ea6-19a9465f2bc0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":21932740,"duration_in_seconds":2367}]},{"id":"a32ad591-58e4-4d51-b531-416a4fbbc34e","title":"Exquisite Suffering 14: 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/es14","content_text":"It's a boilerplate, mostly competent third person shooter that's obviously of its time, with lots of really neat arcade-style reward loops thrown in for good measure. But the real star here is the surreal, over the top trappings that could only come from the mind of the hubristic branding tycoon that is 50 Cent. Yes, this game has been beaten to death. But there's just so much here to talk about.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a boilerplate, mostly competent third person shooter that\u0026#39;s obviously of its time, with lots of really neat arcade-style reward loops thrown in for good measure. But the real star here is the surreal, over the top trappings that could only come from the mind of the hubristic branding tycoon that is 50 Cent. Yes, this game has been beaten to death. But there\u0026#39;s just so much here to talk about.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"50's parents were killed by a helicopter decorated like the Joker.","date_published":"2016-10-01T22:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a32ad591-58e4-4d51-b531-416a4fbbc34e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28274988,"duration_in_seconds":3337}]},{"id":"f8af23d3-5b5c-4a9c-b32a-060714ab6ca6","title":"Episode 160: Aero the Acro-bat","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/160","content_text":"It's an also-ran on the level of Sparkster and Bubsy, an attempt to cash in on the mascot craze with the ugliest hero imaginable. It's Aero, the Acrobatic Bat.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s an also-ran on the level of Sparkster and Bubsy, an attempt to cash in on the mascot craze with the ugliest hero imaginable. It\u0026#39;s Aero, the Acrobatic Bat.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's an also-ran on the level of Sparkster and Bubsy, an attempt to cash in on the mascot craze with the ugliest hero imaginable. It's Aero, the Acrobatic Bat.","date_published":"2016-09-26T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f8af23d3-5b5c-4a9c-b32a-060714ab6ca6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":23782767,"duration_in_seconds":1917}]},{"id":"6ebb8496-efa1-49e7-b437-2cf70e37cc8e","title":"Episode 159: Animaniacs: Lights, Camera, Action!","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/159","content_text":"This raffle-winner episode about a terrible, outdated isometric collectathon comes with a SEVERE content warning for the last third of the episode... specifically for people who get squeamish about eye stuff.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis raffle-winner episode about a terrible, outdated isometric collectathon comes with a SEVERE content warning for the last third of the episode... specifically for people who get squeamish about eye stuff.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This raffle-winner episode about a terrible, outdated isometric collectathon comes with a SEVERE content warning for the last third of the episode... specifically for people who get squeamish about eye stuff.","date_published":"2016-09-19T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f1e187a4-ca0a-4f3e-9a91-790b9dde2bb5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28079119,"duration_in_seconds":2321}]},{"id":"2ec08150-782c-4269-9959-1c53d7867751","title":"Episode 158: The Ooze","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/158","content_text":"The ultimate lesson of this tech-demo stretched to full game is \"be yourself.\" Also, if any viscous substance crosses our doorstep, we'll immediately start talking about ejaculate.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe ultimate lesson of this tech-demo stretched to full game is \u0026quot;be yourself.\u0026quot; Also, if any viscous substance crosses our doorstep, we\u0026#39;ll immediately start talking about ejaculate.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The ultimate lesson of this tech-demo stretched to full game is \"be yourself.\"","date_published":"2016-09-12T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/42c07432-6362-468b-8af3-8e42687c199f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22923378,"duration_in_seconds":1892}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/281536244","title":"Episode 157: Catechumen","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/157","content_text":"Nick Glauber joins us this week to talk about a misguided Christian FPS that's so bad, it makes us physically ill and destroys our computers.Special Guest: Nick Glauber.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNick Glauber joins us this week to talk about a misguided Christian FPS that\u0026#39;s so bad, it makes us physically ill and destroys our computers.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Nick Glauber.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Nick Glauber joins us this week to talk about a misguided Christian FPS that's so bad, it makes us physically ill and destroys our computers.","date_published":"2016-09-05T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b0281b11-24c9-470a-a600-ec5897907301.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30571957,"duration_in_seconds":2529}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/280446539","title":"Episode 156: The Adventures of Rad Gravity","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/156","content_text":"The only \"rad\" thing about this game is its name, but there might be something worthwhile here. Also, orbs. Orbs. Orbs.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe only \u0026quot;rad\u0026quot; thing about this game is its name, but there might be something worthwhile here. Also, orbs. Orbs. Orbs.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The only \"rad\" thing about this game is its name, but there might be something worthwhile here. Also, orbs. Orbs. Orbs.","date_published":"2016-08-29T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/879eb92f-d202-4a8d-a63d-062486d9b536.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29194880,"duration_in_seconds":2414}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/279388307","title":"Episode 155: South Park","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/155","content_text":"It's a game that will make you physically ill, and ideologically queasy!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a game that will make you physically ill, and ideologically queasy!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a game that will make you physically ill, and ideologically queasy!","date_published":"2016-08-22T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a50e6318-ad04-454b-b428-ddbe9e13e707.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":38815751,"duration_in_seconds":3216}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/278387087","title":"Episode 154: Warlock","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/154","content_text":"Thus begins a strange new fascination.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThus begins a strange new fascination.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Thus begins a strange new fascination.","date_published":"2016-08-15T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dacb03ea-1c5f-43bb-99cf-f33e6501a369.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25644320,"duration_in_seconds":2118}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/277348176","title":"Episode 153: Boogerman","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/153","content_text":"Of all the games to break the top 10% of things we've covered for the show, how in the world is \"Boogerman\" one of them?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOf all the games to break the top 10% of things we\u0026#39;ve covered for the show, how in the world is \u0026quot;Boogerman\u0026quot; one of them?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Of all the games to break the top 10% of things we've covered for the show, how in the world is \"Boogerman\" one of them?","date_published":"2016-08-08T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/161324e7-71a6-4eeb-b942-b0825b985bb0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24328857,"duration_in_seconds":2009}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/276412831","title":"Episode 152: Backyard Wrestling: Don't Try This at Home","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/152","content_text":"It's our most upsetting episode opening to date!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s our most upsetting episode opening to date!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's our most upsetting episode opening to date!","date_published":"2016-08-01T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4c0e4420-ec42-4304-a984-ddc9ccaa2036.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24913810,"duration_in_seconds":2058}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/275276021","title":"Episode 151: Sonic the Hedgehog Spinball","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/151","content_text":"Up Next: The Christian spinoff, Sonic Sinball.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eUp Next: The Christian spinoff, Sonic Sinball.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Up Next: The Christian spinoff, Sonic Sinball.","date_published":"2016-07-25T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/317526a3-b3e4-45aa-8dc2-99e7fbfe4e7a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29917904,"duration_in_seconds":2475}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/274283968","title":"Episode 150: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/150","content_text":"An infamously bad redemption. Thanks for being with us for 150 episodes!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn infamously bad redemption. Thanks for being with us for 150 episodes!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An infamously bad redemption. Thanks for being with us for 150 episodes!","date_published":"2016-07-18T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/82b46665-0645-4d4b-9340-1a36fd1ba6d5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30298820,"duration_in_seconds":2506}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/273152256","title":"Episode 149: Holy Diver","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/149","content_text":"Evan Jones Thorne, you've been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh what's becoming of me. Ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he's clean... Oh don't you see what I mean. Gotta get away... Evan Jones Thorne.Special Guest: Evan Jones Thorne.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eEvan Jones Thorne, you\u0026#39;ve been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh what\u0026#39;s becoming of me. Ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he\u0026#39;s clean... Oh don\u0026#39;t you see what I mean. Gotta get away... Evan Jones Thorne.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Evan Jones Thorne.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Evan Jones Thorne, you've been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh what's becoming of me. Ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he's clean... Oh don't you see what I mean. Gotta get away... Evan Jones Thorne.","date_published":"2016-07-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0fb96c5d-7ed0-4914-a0a6-d9a3c529f97e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33602121,"duration_in_seconds":2782}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/272147968","title":"Episode 148: Kids on Site","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/148","content_text":"The Forces of Evil are bolstered as Fruit Man joins their ranks, with his demonic possession meat puppet Dizzy and their plaything Nuts.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Forces of Evil are bolstered as Fruit Man joins their ranks, with his demonic possession meat puppet Dizzy and their plaything Nuts.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Forces of Evil are bolstered as Fruit Man joins their ranks, with his demonic possession meat puppet Dizzy and their plaything Nuts.","date_published":"2016-07-04T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3a4c2ff9-9eaa-4e5d-be7e-ad863cf94be2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25394064,"duration_in_seconds":2098}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/271063393","title":"Episode 147: Space Station Silicon Valley","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/147","content_text":"In the warmth of Derek's reign, we must still suffer through this inventive, sublime, but outdated wreck of a game.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn the warmth of Derek\u0026#39;s reign, we must still suffer through this inventive, sublime, but outdated wreck of a game.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In the warmth of Derek's reign, we must still suffer through this inventive, sublime, but outdated wreck of a game.","date_published":"2016-06-27T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e1dc23bb-2b6f-4605-aaa0-d2175945002f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27232865,"duration_in_seconds":2251}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/270015406","title":"Episode 146: Buck Bumble","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/146","content_text":"Bump to the boom to the boom to the bass, bump to the Praise Derek!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBump to the boom to the boom to the bass, bump to the Praise Derek!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Bump to the boom to the boom to the bass, bump to the Praise Derek!","date_published":"2016-06-20T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7a8548d5-7821-4d73-9325-b368a3600474.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30325738,"duration_in_seconds":2509}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/268885855","title":"Episode 145: X-Men: Mutant Academy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/145","content_text":"Jeremy Greer joins us to talk about the least-inspired X-Men game since the NES one.Special Guest: Jeremy Greer.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJeremy Greer joins us to talk about the least-inspired X-Men game since the NES one.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jeremy Greer.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Jeremy Greer joins us to talk about the least-inspired X-Men game since the NES one.","date_published":"2016-06-13T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d66e2887-8659-49f2-a819-02a05f5d05aa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31225751,"duration_in_seconds":2584}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/267807932","title":"Episode 144: Charlie's Angels","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/144","content_text":"Basic brawler leads to banter about 'bate'n.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBasic brawler leads to banter about \u0026#39;bate\u0026#39;n.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Basic brawler leads to banter about 'bate'n.","date_published":"2016-06-06T10:30:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/dd0babfe-63ef-46f9-b20b-e76c2d8b68c5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24211783,"duration_in_seconds":1999}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/266616942","title":"Episode 143: Iron Man and X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/143","content_text":"Did they think we wouldn't notice? They take this incomprehensible Z-tier superhero and group him in with everyone's favorite rascally tycoon... Despicable. The first half of this episode is business as usual. After the music, we talk about Captain America: Civil War at length. The dividing line for spoilers is clearly marked.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDid they think we wouldn\u0026#39;t notice? They take this incomprehensible Z-tier superhero and group him in with everyone\u0026#39;s favorite rascally tycoon... Despicable. The first half of this episode is business as usual. After the music, we talk about Captain America: Civil War at length. The dividing line for spoilers is clearly marked.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Did they think we wouldn't notice? They take this incomprehensible Z-tier superhero and group him in with everyone's favorite rascally tycoon... Despicable.","date_published":"2016-05-30T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9b12c9d6-7832-4b99-8313-827910532297.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31913251,"duration_in_seconds":2641}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/265508091","title":"Episode 142: Lagoon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/142","content_text":"Muddy Waters, get out of my foundry!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMuddy Waters, get out of my foundry!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Muddy Waters, get out of my foundry!","date_published":"2016-05-23T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2c07bd19-f3e3-4a9c-a4f1-d15e7c3b53e9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28405654,"duration_in_seconds":2349}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/264390685","title":"Episode 141: Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/141","content_text":"Superstar guest Jenni Polodna joins us to talk about new ways to open sardine cans, ASMR, and Wild Horse Rescue.Special Guest: Jenni Polodna.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSuperstar guest Jenni Polodna joins us to talk about new ways to open sardine cans, ASMR, and Wild Horse Rescue.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jenni Polodna.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Superstar guest Jenni Polodna joins us to talk about new ways to open sardine cans, ASMR, and Wild Horse Rescue.","date_published":"2016-05-16T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d1528ec0-e1a3-4d0d-8b92-72e066ea659a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":38737829,"duration_in_seconds":3210}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/263219821","title":"Episode 140: Skeleton Krew","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/140","content_text":"More \"K\"s than a Mortal Kombat fan konvention. Also, another isometrik klusterfukk.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMore \u0026quot;K\u0026quot;s than a Mortal Kombat fan konvention. Also, another isometrik klusterfukk.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"More \"K\"s than a Mortal Kombat fan konvention. 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three times.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"To install the Haunting screensaver, just should \"Polterguy!\" three times.","date_published":"2016-04-11T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/375bde7b-6d0f-4b7c-a9f4-092a5665ce98.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19849938,"duration_in_seconds":1636}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/257257029","title":"Episode 135: Duke Nukem Forever","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/135","content_text":"At last we find it, a game that's not just underwhelming... but also actively evil.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAt last we find it, a game that\u0026#39;s not just underwhelming... but also actively evil.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"At last we find it, a game that's not just underwhelming... but also actively evil.","date_published":"2016-04-04T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/13735247-7246-4fc1-9059-9d9b92a78006.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22861752,"duration_in_seconds":1887}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/255575113","title":"Episode 134: Aerobiz","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/134","content_text":"Brayton Cameron joins us to talk about the fast-paced breakneck twitch action of Aerobiz, featuring a demo for Koei's new breakout strategy jam: Nobunga's Ambition.Special Guest: Brayton Cameron.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBrayton Cameron joins us to talk about the fast-paced breakneck twitch action of Aerobiz, featuring a demo for Koei\u0026#39;s new breakout strategy jam: Nobunga\u0026#39;s Ambition.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Brayton Cameron.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Brayton Cameron joins us to talk about the fast-paced breakneck twitch action of Aerobiz, featuring a demo for Koei's new breakout strategy jam: Nobunga's Ambition.","date_published":"2016-03-28T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/027bc40f-694f-4162-9aa0-841f5f7616c7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28057961,"duration_in_seconds":2320}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/253884503","title":"Episode 133: The Three Stooges","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/133","content_text":"The Attic Stooge is like a hot tub or pool. Even if you don't use it yourself, you keep it around for the resale value.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Attic Stooge is like a hot tub or pool. Even if you don\u0026#39;t use it yourself, you keep it around for the resale value.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Attic Stooge is like a hot tub or pool. Even if you don't use it yourself, you keep it around for the resale value.","date_published":"2016-03-21T15:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b7516761-b847-4f85-9b9c-1134fb1e2d99.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24368043,"duration_in_seconds":2012}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/251813422","title":"Episode 132: Eternity's Child","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/132","content_text":"It's the longest we've ever stayed on topic as we talk about a reviled recent indie release, and its questionable creator.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s the longest we\u0026#39;ve ever stayed on topic as we talk about a reviled recent indie release, and its questionable creator.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's the longest we've ever stayed on topic as we talk about a reviled recent indie release, and its questionable creator.","date_published":"2016-03-14T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fa6ac5e0-4efc-456b-8437-3435e9e46368.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28850032,"duration_in_seconds":2386}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/250671187","title":"Episode 131: Don't Go Alone","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/131","content_text":"This game is good. So good that we spend our time taking quizzes about teen substance abuse.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis game is good. So good that we spend our time taking quizzes about teen substance abuse.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This game is good. So good that we spend our time taking quizzes about teen substance abuse.","date_published":"2016-03-07T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/330ca2d8-6535-46fe-b18a-9cc3550b1b22.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20977811,"duration_in_seconds":1730}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/249517136","title":"Episode 130: Spot Goes to Hollywood","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/130","content_text":"It's another explosion at the Asset Factory as mascots go on parade to pick up the wreckage. Do we all look like Spot to Dracula?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s another explosion at the Asset Factory as mascots go on parade to pick up the wreckage. Do we all look like Spot to Dracula?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's another explosion at the Asset Factory as mascots go on parade to pick up the wreckage. Do we all look like Spot to Dracula?","date_published":"2016-02-29T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5206dd6b-81e6-45e9-b21b-9da5a9ced764.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22630825,"duration_in_seconds":1867}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/248356318","title":"Episode 129: Nightmare Creatures","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/129","content_text":"Discussion of this highly adequate proto-Bloodborne segues into nightmare therapy.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDiscussion of this highly adequate proto-Bloodborne segues into nightmare therapy.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Discussion of this highly adequate proto-Bloodborne segues into nightmare therapy.","date_published":"2016-02-22T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cf0d1947-c591-4994-a3c8-7ff6820ff6aa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":37873801,"duration_in_seconds":3138}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/247182704","title":"Episode 128: Faceball 2000","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/128","content_text":"Listen in for Gary's most incredulous reaction to Kole yet.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen in for Gary\u0026#39;s most incredulous reaction to Kole yet.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listen in for Gary's most incredulous reaction to Kole yet.","date_published":"2016-02-15T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6cab2020-8811-448f-96eb-370bb4ef3649.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24925890,"duration_in_seconds":2059}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/246071496","title":"Episode 127: The Terminator","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/127","content_text":"Jim Crawford helps us build a hellcube of flesh in which to play painball.Special Guest: Jim Crawford.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJim Crawford helps us build a hellcube of flesh in which to play painball.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jim Crawford.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Jim Crawford helps us build a hellcube of flesh in which to play painball.","date_published":"2016-02-08T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d04ec38d-5ce2-4e5c-9802-194d0833c61d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":43057932,"duration_in_seconds":3570}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/244903181","title":"Episode 126: Omikron: The Nomad Soul","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/126","content_text":"In memoriam.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn memoriam.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In memoriam.","date_published":"2016-02-01T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3a68bb93-c67a-42e6-b362-cb85ce95fd28.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27259596,"duration_in_seconds":2253}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/243701182","title":"Episode 125: Rascal","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/125","content_text":"The Rascal is a shit person of dark origins and darker designs. Don't let him corrupt your sweet baby boy.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Rascal is a shit person of dark origins and darker designs. Don\u0026#39;t let him corrupt your sweet baby boy.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Rascal is a shit person of dark origins and darker designs. Don't let him corrupt your sweet baby boy.","date_published":"2016-01-25T09:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/74805117-51bf-4220-a8cf-c08e4224c520.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34153882,"duration_in_seconds":2828}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/242580148","title":"Episode 124: SOS","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/124","content_text":"Something terrible has happened, but we must soldier on as we did before. RIP Phillipe and Renaldo?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSomething terrible has happened, but we must soldier on as we did before. RIP Phillipe and Renaldo?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Something terrible has happened, but we must soldier on as we did before. RIP Phillipe and Renaldo?","date_published":"2016-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5e709f12-b1e0-422e-a270-0ae749190e05.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31975699,"duration_in_seconds":2646}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/241454937","title":"Episode 123: The R-Zone Zone","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/123","content_text":"After some unfortunate happenings with the network, we are forbidden from doing any more episodes of Abject Suffering. But, with some re-tooling, we're happy to reveal our newest property: The R-Zone Zone.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAfter some unfortunate happenings with the network, we are forbidden from doing any more episodes of Abject Suffering. But, with some re-tooling, we\u0026#39;re happy to reveal our newest property: The R-Zone Zone.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"After some unfortunate happenings with the network, we are forbidden from doing any more episodes of Abject Suffering. But, with some re-tooling, we're happy to reveal our newest property: The R-Zone Zone.","date_published":"2016-01-11T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/99af05c5-f82f-463f-bc33-cbc89eb565ce.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34838084,"duration_in_seconds":2885}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/240437039","title":"Episode 122: Ribbit King","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/122","content_text":"Let's talk about frolf and other fever dreams.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLet\u0026#39;s talk about frolf and other fever dreams.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Let's talk about frolf and other fever dreams.","date_published":"2016-01-04T20:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c8c0c561-d0f1-4911-9d9b-ce080401cd7b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":31033811,"duration_in_seconds":2568}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/239471712","title":"Episode 121: T\u0026C Surf Designs","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/121","content_text":"Gather 'round the table, one and all, and share in a slice of this mean, mean tube.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGather \u0026#39;round the table, one and all, and share in a slice of this mean, mean tube.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Gather 'round the table, one and all, and share in a slice of this mean, mean tube.","date_published":"2015-12-28T17:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f42af3e6-bc63-4d85-b77a-58d31c017130.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26875821,"duration_in_seconds":2221}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/238585903","title":"Episode 120: Alpha Mission","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/120","content_text":"This never would have flown in Zelda Times.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis never would have flown in Zelda Times.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This never would have flown in Zelda Times.","date_published":"2015-12-21T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ca66e10e-8043-40d0-ad20-f31e0add3e7e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22693643,"duration_in_seconds":1873}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/237543531","title":"Episode 119: LSD Dream Emulator","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/119","content_text":"This week's episode is a serious contemplation of the competing merits of random content and authored content. No goofs this week, no ma'am.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week\u0026#39;s episode is a serious contemplation of the competing merits of random content and authored content. No goofs this week, no ma\u0026#39;am.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week's episode is a serious contemplation of the competing merits of random content and authored content. No goofs this week, no ma'am.","date_published":"2015-12-14T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/20d8f80a-8aad-4b25-ac9f-3c6df46e59a2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28273915,"duration_in_seconds":2338}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/236557893","title":"Episode 118: Dunjax","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/118","content_text":"This week, we Dunjax the Dunjax until the Dunjax Dunjax.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week, we Dunjax the Dunjax until the Dunjax Dunjax.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week, we Dunjax the Dunjax until the Dunjax Dunjax.","date_published":"2015-12-07T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b51268df-eb51-4a8e-9fed-1dc5f70f6103.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28130781,"duration_in_seconds":2326}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/235486299","title":"Episode 117: The Aidyn Chronicles","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/117","content_text":"Remember that time in the 90's when we all had pica?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRemember that time in the 90\u0026#39;s when we all had pica?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Remember that time in the 90's when we all had pica?","date_published":"2015-11-30T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1b555040-943d-48c7-8558-36109184ea5c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24937802,"duration_in_seconds":2060}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/234438544","title":"Episode 116: Wade Hixton's Counter Punch","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/116","content_text":"Listen to two nerds be ambivalent about sports and punching.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen to two nerds be ambivalent about sports and punching.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listen to two nerds be ambivalent about sports and punching.","date_published":"2015-11-23T21:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0ccf3f60-cf24-452f-afec-4cd039ff217b.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28009832,"duration_in_seconds":2316}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/233376778","title":"Episode 115: Spelunker","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/115","content_text":"This week, we call an audible and talk about Spelunker in one of our rare in-person episodes. Is the crown prince of kusoge as bad as everyone says?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week, we call an audible and talk about Spelunker in one of our rare in-person episodes. Is the crown prince of kusoge as bad as everyone says?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week, we call an audible and talk about Spelunker in one of our rare in-person episodes. Is the crown prince of kusoge as bad as everyone says?","date_published":"2015-11-16T18:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0908b6cc-12cb-494e-ac57-8c26a930c1c4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27362031,"duration_in_seconds":2262}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/232326391","title":"Episode 114: Rap Jam: Volume 1","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/114","content_text":"What's harder: Talking about sports, rap music, or staying awake? The answer may surprise you.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat\u0026#39;s harder: Talking about sports, rap music, or staying awake? The answer may surprise you.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What's harder: Talking about sports, rap music, or staying awake? The answer may surprise you.","date_published":"2015-11-09T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7ec0c991-0193-4ac6-a1c7-0cd0a6767aae.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25153860,"duration_in_seconds":2078}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/231313124","title":"Episode 113: Mountain Bike Rally","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/113","content_text":"Now we need to strike exercise games off of our list, although this did teach us about the futility of ever trying to control our actions.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNow we need to strike exercise games off of our list, although this did teach us about the futility of ever trying to control our actions.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Now we need to strike exercise games off of our list, although this did teach us about the futility of ever trying to control our actions.","date_published":"2015-11-02T23:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f1ec2e3a-a98f-46b3-883c-eb1465361f32.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24876532,"duration_in_seconds":2054}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/230225299","title":"Episode 112: Monster Party","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/112","content_text":"What does Monster Party have in common with going to municipal water treatment plants and living in a spooky RV? NOTHING.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat does Monster Party have in common with going to municipal water treatment plants and living in a spooky RV? NOTHING.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What does Monster Party have in common with going to municipal water treatment plants and living in a spooky RV? NOTHING.","date_published":"2015-10-26T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c79d1262-91f0-4b13-9e8e-9dbafc6dea24.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28646582,"duration_in_seconds":2369}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/229206221","title":"Episode 111: Mortal Kombat: Special Forces","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/111","content_text":"Gate 1 darkness the world of demons \nGate 2 my guards are watching you \nGate 3 only evil lives here \nGate 4 theres no way out \nGate 5 feel the fire \nGate 6 pick up your weapons and fight \nAnd dance with the devil","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGate 1 darkness the world of demons \u003cbr\u003e\nGate 2 my guards are watching you \u003cbr\u003e\nGate 3 only evil lives here \u003cbr\u003e\nGate 4 theres no way out \u003cbr\u003e\nGate 5 feel the fire \u003cbr\u003e\nGate 6 pick up your weapons and fight \u003cbr\u003e\nAnd dance with the devil\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Gate 1 darkness the world of demons Gate 2 my guards are watching you Gate 3 only evil lives here Gate 4 theres no way out Gate 5 feel the fire Gate 6 pick up your weapons and fight And dance with the devil","date_published":"2015-10-20T00:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/92a2a042-d4f7-4c56-b099-b01ff12eb120.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":35474243,"duration_in_seconds":2938}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/228116401","title":"Episode 110: Total Recall","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/110","content_text":"Howdy, Quaid. If you're watching this, that means that Kuato is dead, and you led us to him. I knew that you wouldn't let me down. Sorry for all of the shit I've put you through, but hey, what are friends are for? All I want to do is wish you happiness and good living, old buddy, but unfortunately, that's not gonna happen. You see, that's \"my\" body you have there, and I want it back. Sorry for being an Indian giver, but I was here first. So, adios, amigo!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHowdy, Quaid. If you\u0026#39;re watching this, that means that Kuato is dead, and you led us to him. I knew that you wouldn\u0026#39;t let me down. Sorry for all of the shit I\u0026#39;ve put you through, but hey, what are friends are for? All I want to do is wish you happiness and good living, old buddy, but unfortunately, that\u0026#39;s not gonna happen. You see, that\u0026#39;s \u0026quot;my\u0026quot; body you have there, and I want it back. Sorry for being an Indian giver, but I was here first. So, adios, amigo!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Howdy, Quaid. If you're watching this, that means that Kuato is dead, and you led us to him. I knew that you wouldn't let me down. Sorry for all of the shit I've put you through, but hey, what are friends are for? ","date_published":"2015-10-12T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9f1146f3-d7a8-4806-acb3-4356eb964580.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25340153,"duration_in_seconds":2093}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/227092109","title":"Episode 109: Mario's Early Years","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/109","content_text":"This week on Abject Suffering, we learn a valuable lesson. To never do educational games again.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week on Abject Suffering, we learn a valuable lesson. To never do educational games again.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week on Abject Suffering, we learn a valuable lesson. To never do educational games again.","date_published":"2015-10-05T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0bc2bcfa-3f7c-4a32-ae6b-de8cb5534f0d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33049847,"duration_in_seconds":2736}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/226011077","title":"Episode 108: I Wanna Be the Guy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/108","content_text":"This week we talk about [dies]","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis week we talk about [dies]\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This week we talk about [dies]","date_published":"2015-09-28T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/382699e7-6772-4df7-9d71-bb77dcfe6b35.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28177774,"duration_in_seconds":2330}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/224903918","title":"Episode 107: Quest 64","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/107","content_text":"Journey with us to the heart of blandness. Watch for the polygons, they're extra sharp this time of year.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJourney with us to the heart of blandness. Watch for the polygons, they\u0026#39;re extra sharp this time of year.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Journey with us to the heart of blandness. Watch for the polygons, they're extra sharp this time of year.","date_published":"2015-09-21T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8eefab64-b0a9-4fff-b0d5-3fca5d17dc5e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":36994127,"duration_in_seconds":2298}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/223814385","title":"Episode 106: The Angel Quiz","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/106","content_text":"Part 2 of the Zoo Dog Chronicles proceeds, with us taking the Angel Quiz. Will we ascend to heaven? Or will be burn in hell?Links:Video version of the Angel Quiz video — Please, you have to watch this.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePart 2 of the Zoo Dog Chronicles proceeds, with us taking the Angel Quiz. Will we ascend to heaven? Or will be burn in hell?\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLinks:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\u003cli\u003e\u003ca title=\"Video version of the Angel Quiz video\" rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https://youtu.be/5FuiLbYBDLw\"\u003eVideo version of the Angel Quiz video\u003c/a\u003e \u0026mdash; Please, you have to watch this.\u003c/li\u003e\u003c/ul\u003e","summary":"Part 2 of the Zoo Dog Chronicles proceeds, with us taking the Angel Quiz. Will we ascend to heaven? Or will be burn in hell?","date_published":"2015-09-14T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bbf9a558-ff76-4c33-b5ec-61db1a2819ff.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":41140780,"duration_in_seconds":3410}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/222824369","title":"Episode 105: The Zoo Race","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/105","content_text":"Welcome to the series finale of Abject Suffering, because we'll never find anything better than this. Pack it up and turn out the lights, Cheers-style.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the series finale of Abject Suffering, because we\u0026#39;ll never find anything better than this. Pack it up and turn out the lights, Cheers-style.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Welcome to the series finale of Abject Suffering, because we'll never find anything better than this. Pack it up and turn out the lights, Cheers-style.","date_published":"2015-09-07T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/26a12df5-a059-4daa-8e66-4f9e86fb68b3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28877116,"duration_in_seconds":2388}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/221773989","title":"Episode 104: Barney's Hide and Seek Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/104","content_text":"Come out, come out, wherever you are. Barney loves you. Barney wants to find you. Barney wants to kiss you forever.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCome out, come out, wherever you are. Barney loves you. Barney wants to find you. Barney wants to kiss you forever.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Come out, come out, wherever you are. Barney loves you. Barney wants to find you. Barney wants to kiss you forever.","date_published":"2015-08-31T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c7910aa8-62de-4cc7-bf98-7cc4e12da837.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":32929844,"duration_in_seconds":2726}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/220679024","title":"Episode 103: Zombie Nation","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/103","content_text":"What's the most patriotic thing to do with your own dead body? The answer may surprise you.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhat\u0026#39;s the most patriotic thing to do with your own dead body? The answer may surprise you.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What's the most patriotic thing to do with your own dead body? The answer may surprise you.","date_published":"2015-08-24T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/08d01315-dfc4-4410-b524-04bb33254579.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26659851,"duration_in_seconds":2203}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/219706835","title":"Episode 102: Legend","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/102","content_text":"Scientists toiled for years to create a game whose title is invisible to modern search engines. This is the fruit of their labor.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eScientists toiled for years to create a game whose title is invisible to modern search engines. This is the fruit of their labor.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Scientists toiled for years to create a game whose title is invisible to modern search engines. This is the fruit of their labor.","date_published":"2015-08-17T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1567dc2f-4844-4c35-a277-f9ab66629aa9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24279151,"duration_in_seconds":2005}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/218662563","title":"Episode 101: The Karate Kid","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/101","content_text":"Listen in to hear two sad adults talk about how their adolescence was shaped by a fascination with violence.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListen in to hear two sad adults talk about how their adolescence was shaped by a fascination with violence.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listen in to hear two sad adults talk about how their adolescence was shaped by a fascination with violence.","date_published":"2015-08-10T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ab1446fe-4a56-4724-b282-5afa784880c6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27799878,"duration_in_seconds":2298}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/217608228","title":"Episode 100: Action 52","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/100","content_text":"It's the 100th episode, so it only makes sense that we talk about Action 52. Numerlogically, of course. Let's consider the rippling chests of the Cheetahmen, while we record live in front of our most loyal Patreon backers.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s the 100th episode, so it only makes sense that we talk about Action 52. Numerlogically, of course. Let\u0026#39;s consider the rippling chests of the Cheetahmen, while we record live in front of our most loyal Patreon backers.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's the 100th episode, so it only makes sense that we talk about Action 52. Numerlogically, of course. Let's consider the rippling chests of the Cheetahmen, while we record live in front of our most loyal Patreon backers.","date_published":"2015-08-03T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/32a08a6e-5c50-4ece-a130-c9de8a20c576.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mp3","size_in_bytes":47107067,"duration_in_seconds":5861}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/216614264","title":"Episode 99: Bert's Dinosaurs","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/99","content_text":"Sam, we have to talk. You suggested an application. A paint application. Others should take note, we might not do this again. However, this paint program inspired us to talk about the depraved life of Mr. Ed as a depraved BDSM sub, and we add another to the ranks of Friends of Abject Suffering.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSam, we have to talk. You suggested an application. A paint application. Others should take note, we might not do this again. However, this paint program inspired us to talk about the depraved life of Mr. Ed as a depraved BDSM sub, and we add another to the ranks of Friends of Abject Suffering.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This paint program inspired us to talk about the depraved life of Mr. Ed as a depraved BDSM sub, and we add another to the ranks of Friends of Abject Suffering.","date_published":"2015-07-27T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d8212ec0-6e87-431c-81a6-d206fbe2a65c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21530152,"duration_in_seconds":1776}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/215594485","title":"Episode 98: Illbleed","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/98","content_text":"It's a redemption the likes of which can only be delivered on Abject Suffering, as we find goodness within a maligned classic and gather enemies along the way.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a redemption the likes of which can only be delivered on Abject Suffering, as we find goodness within a maligned classic and gather enemies along the way.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a redemption the likes of which can only be delivered on Abject Suffering, as we find goodness within a maligned classic and gather enemies along the way.","date_published":"2015-07-20T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6a836e91-5b6c-4784-857a-37be6c49487c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28009985,"duration_in_seconds":2316}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/214588588","title":"Episode 97: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/97","content_text":"Allison Baker joins us to talk about one of the most infamous NES games of all time. Also, we introduce a fun new character.Special Guest: Allison Baker.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAllison Baker joins us to talk about one of the most infamous NES games of all time. Also, we introduce a fun new character.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Allison Baker.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Allison Baker joins us to talk about one of the most infamous NES games of all time. Also, we introduce a fun new character.","date_published":"2015-07-13T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/443a8b33-d009-49b4-9459-d765fd0b1acb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":48116554,"duration_in_seconds":2993}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/213564439","title":"Episode 96: King's Quest V","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/96","content_text":"It's a classic Abject Suffering switcharoo as we talk a little bit about King's Quest V for the NES, and then pivot to talk about Buffo the Clown.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a classic Abject Suffering switcharoo as we talk a little bit about King\u0026#39;s Quest V for the NES, and then pivot to talk about Buffo the Clown.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a classic Abject Suffering switcharoo as we talk a little bit about King's Quest V for the NES, and then pivot to talk about Buffo the Clown.","date_published":"2015-07-06T19:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/39c70450-258e-4024-8d53-122301939a85.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26959849,"duration_in_seconds":2228}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/212535879","title":"Episode 95: Peach the Lobster","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/95","content_text":"Peach the Lobster. Wag the dog. Redeem the creator.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePeach the Lobster. Wag the dog. Redeem the creator.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Peach the Lobster. Wag the dog. Redeem the creator.","date_published":"2015-06-29T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fb2edf50-fae3-405a-8104-327c9cce6d88.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25249689,"duration_in_seconds":2086}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/211548296","title":"Episode 94: Kid Klown in Night Mayor World","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/94","content_text":"A disturbing exegesis of clown biology, reproduction, and maximum strength.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eA disturbing exegesis of clown biology, reproduction, and maximum strength.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"A disturbing exegesis of clown biology, reproduction, and maximum strength.","date_published":"2015-06-22T21:15:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ed49ac53-f198-4ee4-bd71-e423e16efee0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26197695,"duration_in_seconds":2165}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/210477466","title":"Episode 93: Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/93","content_text":"90's comics? Yes, please.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e90\u0026#39;s comics? Yes, please.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"90's comics? Yes, please.","date_published":"2015-06-15T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6bf11fe3-4c00-49ae-955f-433740a24785.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25153755,"duration_in_seconds":2078}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/209416871","title":"Episode 92: Drakkhen","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/92","content_text":"The SNES is remembered fondly for its RPGs, but it took a while for them to become, you know... good. What does this have to do with Klowns? Listen and find out.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe SNES is remembered fondly for its RPGs, but it took a while for them to become, you know... good. What does this have to do with Klowns? Listen and find out.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The SNES is remembered fondly for its RPGs, but it took a while for them to become, you know... good. What does this have to do with Klowns? Listen and find out.","date_published":"2015-06-08T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/843dafde-c2a6-4ad0-b7fa-e39f5e1fbe14.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22105793,"duration_in_seconds":1824}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/208289548","title":"Episode 91: Super Boy Allan","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/91","content_text":"Of all the episodes we've ever recorded, this one peaks the earliest.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOf all the episodes we\u0026#39;ve ever recorded, this one peaks the earliest.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Of all the episodes we've ever recorded, this one peaks the earliest.","date_published":"2015-05-31T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ead1a665-bb7a-4f93-9589-f4cf4970facc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27153421,"duration_in_seconds":2244}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/207195320","title":"Episode 90: Courier Crisis","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/90","content_text":"The second of our live-streamed episodes, Gary brings Courier Crisis to the table... a game that precedes Crazy Taxi by several years but fails miserably where that later game succeeded. Also, a contentious discussion about Offspring.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe second of our live-streamed episodes, Gary brings Courier Crisis to the table... a game that precedes Crazy Taxi by several years but fails miserably where that later game succeeded. Also, a contentious discussion about Offspring.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The second of our live-streamed episodes, Gary brings Courier Crisis to the table... a game that precedes Crazy Taxi by several years but fails miserably where that later game succeeded. Also, a contentious discussion about Offspring.","date_published":"2015-05-25T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b15b2d7a-8fb5-4871-a697-ebfee44660c3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24650069,"duration_in_seconds":2036}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/206088732","title":"Episode 89: Puggsy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/89","content_text":"The Psygnosis Train continues in our first live-streamed episode of Abject Suffering. Kole brought Puggsy to the table, a staple of his childhood that -- it turns out -- isn't so much terrible as it is inscrutable. Also, we discuss lycanthropic buildings.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe Psygnosis Train continues in our first live-streamed episode of Abject Suffering. Kole brought Puggsy to the table, a staple of his childhood that -- it turns out -- isn\u0026#39;t so much terrible as it is inscrutable. Also, we discuss lycanthropic buildings.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Psygnosis Train continues in our first live-streamed episode of Abject Suffering. Kole brought Puggsy to the table, a staple of his childhood that -- it turns out -- isn't so much terrible as it is inscrutable. Also, we discuss lycanthropic buildings.","date_published":"2015-05-17T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/81d5fa34-a336-48a6-b456-d50cfda3485e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22796235,"duration_in_seconds":1881}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/204981191","title":"Episode 88: Ganja Farmer","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/88","content_text":"Prepare to beat up two nerd with conflicted opinions about marijuana culture. Also, prepare for a Crick-esque surprise.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003ePrepare to beat up two nerd with conflicted opinions about marijuana culture. Also, prepare for a Crick-esque surprise.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Prepare to beat up two nerd with conflicted opinions about marijuana culture. Also, prepare for a Crick-esque surprise.","date_published":"2015-05-11T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9d7e681f-5533-42c2-959a-ac2c1800115a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29841515,"duration_in_seconds":2468}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/203924994","title":"Episode 87: Casper","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/87","content_text":"An earnest discussion on ghosts, jerkin' it right, and the nature of belief.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAn earnest discussion on ghosts, jerkin\u0026#39; it right, and the nature of belief.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"An earnest discussion on ghosts, jerkin' it right, and the nature of belief.","date_published":"2015-05-04T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/302f5e82-b57e-453c-89b0-33acb4565b46.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":27316734,"duration_in_seconds":2258}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/202853305","title":"Episode 86: Bad Rats: The Rats' Revenge","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/86","content_text":"The odds were stacked against us. However, a despicably racist and universally reviled game can still bring some delight. Bring it on, Bad Rats.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThe odds were stacked against us. However, a despicably racist and universally reviled game can still bring some delight. Bring it on, Bad Rats.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The odds were stacked against us. However, a despicably racist and universally reviled game can still bring some delight. Bring it on, Bad Rats.","date_published":"2015-04-27T17:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1b766cfb-f393-4287-8ebf-240e916900c5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33883002,"duration_in_seconds":2104}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/201769051","title":"Episode 85: Bram Stoker's Dracula","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/85","content_text":"It's another movie pitch that's sure to make us millions: Dracula Force 5. It's a crisis on infinite Transylvanias as every representation of Dracula in media throughout history converges to fulfill some dark purpose. Alternate Title: Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s another movie pitch that\u0026#39;s sure to make us millions: Dracula Force 5. It\u0026#39;s a crisis on infinite Transylvanias as every representation of Dracula in media throughout history converges to fulfill some dark purpose. Alternate Title: Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's another movie pitch that's sure to make us millions: Dracula Force 5. It's a crisis on infinite Transylvanias as every representation of Dracula in media throughout history converges to fulfill some dark purpose. ","date_published":"2015-04-20T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2814b213-721e-4f80-88f7-8f000ea4a9b1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20576274,"duration_in_seconds":1696}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/200662447","title":"Episode 84: Tom \u0026 Jerry","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/84","content_text":"We are on the verge of a dark future where the best of men know that their satisfaction can only be guaranteed if they take it into their own hands. But the powers that be are dead set on denying humanity their purpose. Across sweeping fields of sorghum, the grim world of Crick 2000 has become a reality. And we must escape.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe are on the verge of a dark future where the best of men know that their satisfaction can only be guaranteed if they take it into their own hands. But the powers that be are dead set on denying humanity their purpose. Across sweeping fields of sorghum, the grim world of Crick 2000 has become a reality. And we must escape.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We are on the verge of a dark future where the best of men know that their satisfaction can only be guaranteed if they take it into their own hands. But the powers that be are dead set on denying humanity their purpose.","date_published":"2015-04-13T16:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8c827d1e-88d9-498d-aeea-a0100dba1fdc.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":30730917,"duration_in_seconds":2542}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/199533931","title":"Episode 83: The Crow: City of Angels","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/83","content_text":"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new nadir. Though we often traffic in bizarre oddities and inscrutable ventures, The Crow: City of Angels is a failure on every level.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLadies and gentlemen, welcome to the new nadir. Though we often traffic in bizarre oddities and inscrutable ventures, The Crow: City of Angels is a failure on every level.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new nadir. Though we often traffic in bizarre oddities and inscrutable ventures, The Crow: City of Angels is a failure on every level.","date_published":"2015-04-06T13:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6048a45d-6f04-4a39-9842-67b46b1df4a2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22804882,"duration_in_seconds":1882}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/198425155","title":"Episode 82: Shadow of the Beast","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/82","content_text":"Cloudy with a chance of eye storms.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCloudy with a chance of eye storms.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cloudy with a chance of eye storms.","date_published":"2015-03-30T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/38e17911-83b3-4694-b7b1-bc35eac59cb9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18415715,"duration_in_seconds":1516}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/197313724","title":"Episode 81: Onesimus: The Quest for Freedom","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/81","content_text":"And lo, the Lord sayeth, render a game unto my people based upon Z-List Bible characters. And it was not good.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAnd lo, the Lord sayeth, render a game unto my people based upon Z-List Bible characters. And it was not good.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"And lo, the Lord sayeth, render a game unto my people based upon Z-List Bible characters. And it was not good.","date_published":"2015-03-23T14:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/49a43b2e-005b-4b04-82f0-5f8b582404d1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24913796,"duration_in_seconds":2058}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/196164043","title":"Episode 80: Mickey Mousecapade","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/80","content_text":"Countdown to when Iron Man bursts through my apartment wall to issue a cease and desist. Then the Goof Troop will haul me off to the big mouse.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCountdown to when Iron Man bursts through my apartment wall to issue a cease and desist. Then the Goof Troop will haul me off to the big mouse.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Countdown to when Iron Man bursts through my apartment wall to issue a cease and desist. Then the Goof Troop will haul me off to the big mouse.","date_published":"2015-03-16T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d7ff5a57-efa9-4cf7-9822-dc2a0bf7a683.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23675318,"duration_in_seconds":1954}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/195020097","title":"Episode 79: The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/79","content_text":"On this occasion, Abject Suffering finally comes into its own, transforming into what we always knew it would be: The Egg Cast. Thank you for ushering in this apotheosis, Dizzy.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eOn this occasion, Abject Suffering finally comes into its own, transforming into what we always knew it would be: The Egg Cast. Thank you for ushering in this apotheosis, Dizzy.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"On this occasion, Abject Suffering finally comes into its own, transforming into what we always knew it would be: The Egg Cast. Thank you for ushering in this apotheosis, Dizzy.","date_published":"2015-03-09T12:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b5244573-e5e0-408b-bc12-5bfd1085edf6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19346091,"duration_in_seconds":1594}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/193861746","title":"Episode 78: Air Fortress","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/78","content_text":"Discussion of Air Fortress, a serviceable yet boring shoot 'em up / jump 'em up, quickly turns to erotic fan fiction about the robot from Lost in Space, the curse of penis-shaped food, and powdered peanut butter.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDiscussion of Air Fortress, a serviceable yet boring shoot \u0026#39;em up / jump \u0026#39;em up, quickly turns to erotic fan fiction about the robot from Lost in Space, the curse of penis-shaped food, and powdered peanut butter.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Discussion of Air Fortress, a serviceable yet boring shoot 'em up / jump 'em up, quickly turns to erotic fan fiction about the robot from Lost in Space, the curse of penis-shaped food, and powdered peanut butter.","date_published":"2015-03-02T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1b437f6c-83c8-4527-aa69-c20e51a193a4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29882138,"duration_in_seconds":2472}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/192620783","title":"Episode 77: Spy vs. Spy","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/77","content_text":"It's time for a slightly more straight-laced Abject Suffering as we are joined by Bob Mackey (of the Retronauts) to discuss Spy vs. Spy, MAD Magazine, and the role of satire in society. Also: Fan Fiction Rap Battles.Special Guest: Bob Mackey.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s time for a slightly more straight-laced Abject Suffering as we are joined by Bob Mackey (of the Retronauts) to discuss Spy vs. Spy, MAD Magazine, and the role of satire in society. Also: Fan Fiction Rap Battles.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Bob Mackey.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's time for a slightly more straight-laced Abject Suffering as we are joined by Bob Mackey (of the Retronauts) to discuss Spy vs. Spy, MAD Magazine, and the role of satire in society. Also: Fan Fiction Rap Battles.","date_published":"2015-02-23T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/148a4ed9-7681-4556-a841-448e1bb8a633.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":34586066,"duration_in_seconds":2864}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/191458772","title":"Episode 76: Wrath of the Black Manta","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/76","content_text":"In this week's edition of Oversharing, we dedicate a good half of a podcast to discussing the strangest meats we've ever eaten.Special Guest: Zack Johnson.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn this week\u0026#39;s edition of Oversharing, we dedicate a good half of a podcast to discussing the strangest meats we\u0026#39;ve ever eaten.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Zack Johnson.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In this week's edition of Oversharing, we dedicate a good half of a podcast to discussing the strangest meats we've ever eaten.","date_published":"2015-02-16T14:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a24edc10-b2c3-437f-a9bb-78fae3155ba5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":33332977,"duration_in_seconds":2759}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/190263727","title":"Episode 75: Stalin vs. Martians","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/75","content_text":"Where do mimes come from? How do you undertake to make fun of a clown so that he really stays made fun of? Jenni from Video Games Taco (@lycrashampoo) joins us to find out. Stalin vs. Martians was only available for purchase for a few months in 2009. It was released with all the fanfare inherent in its ridiculous premise, and then pulled from the market when its terrible strategy gameplay was ridiculed. What's left is a bizarre art project that's almost impossible to make fun of. But here we are.Special Guest: Jenni Polodna.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhere do mimes come from? How do you undertake to make fun of a clown so that he really stays made fun of? Jenni from Video Games Taco (@lycrashampoo) joins us to find out. Stalin vs. Martians was only available for purchase for a few months in 2009. It was released with all the fanfare inherent in its ridiculous premise, and then pulled from the market when its terrible strategy gameplay was ridiculed. What\u0026#39;s left is a bizarre art project that\u0026#39;s almost impossible to make fun of. But here we are.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jenni Polodna.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Where do mimes come from? How do you undertake to make fun of a clown so that he really stays made fun of? Jenni from Video Games Taco (@lycrashampoo) joins us to find out.","date_published":"2015-02-09T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cb2fc685-7bd9-4b7a-ab6a-9e7a3af5a254.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":29073172,"duration_in_seconds":2404}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/189133482","title":"Episode 74: Xenophobe","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/74","content_text":"It was the year 2170 and Detective Jack Cyber looked out his window at the fossil fuel burning cars on the street below. Teeming throngs of citizens on roller blades frequented the payphones below. Jack's pager buzzed insistently on his desk, right as a beautiful dame walked through his office's door, past the pneumatic tube document carrier. \"There's a techno dragon on the loose, Jack, and you'll never guess what it shoots from its tail.\" \"I'm going to need at least 5 more megabytes of RAM to handle this, sweet cheeks.\" The femme fatale faxed the purchase order, reluctantly.Special Guest: Riff Conner.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt was the year 2170 and Detective Jack Cyber looked out his window at the fossil fuel burning cars on the street below. Teeming throngs of citizens on roller blades frequented the payphones below. Jack\u0026#39;s pager buzzed insistently on his desk, right as a beautiful dame walked through his office\u0026#39;s door, past the pneumatic tube document carrier. \u0026quot;There\u0026#39;s a techno dragon on the loose, Jack, and you\u0026#39;ll never guess what it shoots from its tail.\u0026quot; \u0026quot;I\u0026#39;m going to need at least 5 more megabytes of RAM to handle this, sweet cheeks.\u0026quot; The femme fatale faxed the purchase order, reluctantly.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Riff Conner.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It was the year 2170 and Detective Jack Cyber looked out his window at the fossil fuel burning cars on the street below. Teeming throngs of citizens on roller blades frequented the payphones below.","date_published":"2015-02-02T12:45:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a3320757-c6aa-4acd-a846-bd0532978195.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26733103,"duration_in_seconds":2209}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/187981996","title":"Episode 73: The Incredible Crash Test Dummies","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/73","content_text":"You come crash into me, and I come into you in a dummy's dream. In a dummy's dream.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou come crash into me, and I come into you in a dummy\u0026#39;s dream. In a dummy\u0026#39;s dream.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"You come crash into me, and I come into you in a dummy's dream. In a dummy's dream.","date_published":"2015-01-26T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/468ec9d1-d02c-4ceb-9cff-d4d79d1459f4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26224988,"duration_in_seconds":2167}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/186815396","title":"Episode 72: Darkman","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/72","content_text":"It's a Darkman's party, who could ask for more?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a Darkman\u0026#39;s party, who could ask for more?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a Darkman's party, who could ask for more?","date_published":"2015-01-19T11:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5312b983-7bb9-4707-9887-1afaf6f9c0f7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23977602,"duration_in_seconds":1980}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/185702228","title":"Episode 71: Chocobo Racing","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/71","content_text":"Kweh.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKweh.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Kweh.","date_published":"2015-01-12T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/40bc6d0e-0711-4b42-941c-7ada25483faf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25177493,"duration_in_seconds":2080}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/184610094","title":"Episode 70: James Pond 2: Codename Robocod","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/70","content_text":"Robopond hungers. Robopond tires of the tubes making a mockery of his efforts. Robopond will make waves. Robopond will devour all. Robopond is hate.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRobopond hungers. Robopond tires of the tubes making a mockery of his efforts. Robopond will make waves. Robopond will devour all. Robopond is hate.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Robopond hungers. Robopond tires of the tubes making a mockery of his efforts. Robopond will make waves. Robopond will devour all. Robopond is hate.","date_published":"2015-01-05T13:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4b03a465-8fd5-4c75-b996-051f2c6229d2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23515932,"duration_in_seconds":1941}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/183651820","title":"Episode 69: Skate or Die 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/69","content_text":"There's only two ways this can go.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere\u0026#39;s only two ways this can go.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There's only two ways this can go.","date_published":"2014-12-29T17:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/09d5b7ac-18db-4658-b5e3-f086676fd282.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22462593,"duration_in_seconds":1853}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/182696002","title":"Episode 68: Platoon","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/68","content_text":"Two universal rules: Every dad will talk about Platoon, and never make eye contact with Kremlo.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTwo universal rules: Every dad will talk about Platoon, and never make eye contact with Kremlo.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Two universal rules: Every dad will talk about Platoon, and never make eye contact with Kremlo.","date_published":"2014-12-22T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4b0f7ea9-305d-4054-87b7-1c670c0b6135.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20425777,"duration_in_seconds":1684}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/181616212","title":"Episode 67: Bubsy 3D","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/67","content_text":"Sometimes we get static over how little we talk about video games on this show. We fix that this week. We found a game so bad that it broke the show: Bubsy 3D.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSometimes we get static over how little we talk about video games on this show. We fix that this week. We found a game so bad that it broke the show: Bubsy 3D.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Sometimes we get static over how little we talk about video games on this show. We fix that this week. We found a game so bad that it broke the show: Bubsy 3D.","date_published":"2014-12-15T10:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8668ccaf-61f2-4f7f-8d21-c6f52cadff66.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23101995,"duration_in_seconds":1907}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/180561881","title":"Episode 66: The Simpsons - Bart vs. the Space Mutants","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/66","content_text":"It's all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn't have been like this. Not like this. These aren't the aliens we were told to expect.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn\u0026#39;t have been like this. Not like this. These aren\u0026#39;t the aliens we were told to expect.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn't have been like this. Not like this. These aren't the aliens we were told to expect.","date_published":"2014-12-08T12:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9111b5c3-8457-4aae-b07d-19391a0d8ac7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22007132,"duration_in_seconds":1815}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/179512568","title":"Episode 65: Metal Morph","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/65","content_text":"!sdrawkcab lla ti od ew tpecxE ... .M.E.R dna seidaL dekaneraB eht tuoba klat daetsni tub hproM lateM tuoba klat ot tuo tes ew ,gnireffuS tcejbA fo edosipe lanoitnevnocnon siht nI","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e!sdrawkcab lla ti od ew tpecxE ... .M.E.R dna seidaL dekaneraB eht tuoba klat daetsni tub hproM lateM tuoba klat ot tuo tes ew ,gnireffuS tcejbA fo edosipe lanoitnevnocnon siht nI\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"!sdrawkcab lla ti od ew tpecxE ... .M.E.R dna seidaL dekaneraB eht tuoba klat daetsni tub hproM lateM tuoba klat ot tuo tes ew ,gnireffuS tcejbA fo edosipe lanoitnevnocnon siht nI","date_published":"2014-12-01T16:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6b2dae13-d65e-40fa-b41d-ab6e59921ccb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23329933,"duration_in_seconds":1926}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/178442790","title":"Episode 64: Kick Master","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/64","content_text":"Something written for information should be to the point and not too cute. This is an episode of the Abject Suffering program about the NES game Kick Master.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSomething written for information should be to the point and not too cute. This is an episode of the Abject Suffering program about the NES game Kick Master.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Something written for information should be to the point and not too cute. This is an episode of the Abject Suffering program about the NES game Kick Master.","date_published":"2014-11-23T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/c4d73086-ec8a-46ee-a477-af4b826f1c02.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19898026,"duration_in_seconds":1640}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/177388593","title":"Episode 63: Circus Charlie","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/63","content_text":"\"Circus Charlie\" isn't the preferred nomenclature anymore, dude.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Circus Charlie\u0026quot; isn\u0026#39;t the preferred nomenclature anymore, dude.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"\"Circus Charlie\" isn't the preferred nomenclature anymore, dude.","date_published":"2014-11-16T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/fe236f1f-1bc1-4599-8e7d-100a073b9739.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24067616,"duration_in_seconds":1987}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/176257883","title":"Episode 62: Solar Jetman","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/62","content_text":"So little in this life can be regained once it is lost. Hair that is cut off grows back. Sometimes Deborah will realize she's wrong and leave Reginald, returning to your waiting arms. If you cough up any baseball-sized shanks of sea shell throat meat, you must do your best to return it to its proper place. For Christ sake.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSo little in this life can be regained once it is lost. Hair that is cut off grows back. Sometimes Deborah will realize she\u0026#39;s wrong and leave Reginald, returning to your waiting arms. If you cough up any baseball-sized shanks of sea shell throat meat, you must do your best to return it to its proper place. For Christ sake.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"So little in this life can be regained once it is lost. Hair that is cut off grows back. Sometimes Deborah will realize she's wrong and leave Reginald, returning to your waiting arms.","date_published":"2014-11-08T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a3f8b1aa-18db-43d6-98ce-69e6c8cb1f59.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22634183,"duration_in_seconds":1868}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/175161245","title":"Episode 61: Athena / Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/61","content_text":"\"Let's roll with it.\" \"Throw it in.\" \"Fuck it.\" These are words that cowards are afraid to say. We here at Abject Suffering are far from cowards. No, we don't just admit our mistakes, we lean INTO them.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Let\u0026#39;s roll with it.\u0026quot; \u0026quot;Throw it in.\u0026quot; \u0026quot;Fuck it.\u0026quot; These are words that cowards are afraid to say. We here at Abject Suffering are far from cowards. No, we don\u0026#39;t just admit our mistakes, we lean INTO them.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"\"Let's roll with it.\" \"Throw it in.\" \"Fuck it.\" These are words that cowards are afraid to say. We here at Abject Suffering are far from cowards. No, we don't just admit our mistakes, we lean INTO them.","date_published":"2014-11-02T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d46380b0-9989-49de-a6d6-17167a654dbe.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20474011,"duration_in_seconds":1688}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/174094613","title":"Episode 60: SwordQuest: EarthWorld","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/60","content_text":"For Sale: Single Chalice, gold. Wands, scepters, gems and scimitars optional, will talk. No negotiation, cash only. I'm on to your games. I've been down this road before. Bow before the zodiac puzzlemaster.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFor Sale: Single Chalice, gold. Wands, scepters, gems and scimitars optional, will talk. No negotiation, cash only. I\u0026#39;m on to your games. I\u0026#39;ve been down this road before. Bow before the zodiac puzzlemaster.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"For Sale: Single Chalice, gold. Wands, scepters, gems and scimitars optional, will talk. No negotiation, cash only. I'm on to your games. I've been down this road before. Bow before the zodiac puzzlemaster.","date_published":"2014-10-26T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/62033cfe-bfeb-430a-b512-5041fc0645e3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18842068,"duration_in_seconds":1552}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/173113563","title":"Episode 59: Fester's Quest","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/59","content_text":"TV Land, 2:00 A.M. - The Addam's Family, \"Not Without My Kitty.\" Uncle Fester has a breakthrough and attaches a functioning second dick to himself. Meanwhile, Gomez disrobes and devours Morticia's elbow skin.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eTV Land, 2:00 A.M. - The Addam\u0026#39;s Family, \u0026quot;Not Without My Kitty.\u0026quot; Uncle Fester has a breakthrough and attaches a functioning second dick to himself. Meanwhile, Gomez disrobes and devours Morticia\u0026#39;s elbow skin.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"TV Land, 2:00 A.M. - The Addam's Family, \"Not Without My Kitty.\" Uncle Fester has a breakthrough and attaches a functioning second dick to himself. Meanwhile, Gomez disrobes and devours Morticia's elbow skin.","date_published":"2014-10-19T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d8741393-f485-4539-8a7c-b207020088b1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":25760012,"duration_in_seconds":2128}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/171959641","title":"Episode 58: Doug's Big Game","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/58","content_text":"Hey everyone, remember Doug? The nineties, am I right? Oh man, life is a grim chore.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHey everyone, remember Doug? The nineties, am I right? Oh man, life is a grim chore.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hey everyone, remember Doug? The nineties, am I right? Oh man, life is a grim chore.","date_published":"2014-10-12T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/16580db1-29c2-4044-a22a-24fd58a4a9bd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21979952,"duration_in_seconds":1813}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/170897140","title":"Episode 57: Fish Dude","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/57","content_text":"Listeners essentially listen to a podcast, and audio program released over the internet, about an ostensibly bad but actually good video game for the Gameboy called Fish Dude. Long story short, and stated as simply as possible, this is a wonderful compliment to video games the world round.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eListeners essentially listen to a podcast, and audio program released over the internet, about an ostensibly bad but actually good video game for the Gameboy called Fish Dude. Long story short, and stated as simply as possible, this is a wonderful compliment to video games the world round.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Listeners essentially listen to a podcast, and audio program released over the internet, about an ostensibly bad but actually good video game for the Gameboy called Fish Dude.","date_published":"2014-10-05T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/bd8a9337-83fe-422a-9136-ede08c571901.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20027052,"duration_in_seconds":1650}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/169879258","title":"Episode 56: The Rocketeer","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/56","content_text":"BREAKING NEWS: Babe Ruth sinks a fly ball right into the cerebral cortex of Joseph Goebbels in this alternate universe where balls are the new phallic symbol.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBREAKING NEWS: Babe Ruth sinks a fly ball right into the cerebral cortex of Joseph Goebbels in this alternate universe where balls are the new phallic symbol.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"BREAKING NEWS: Babe Ruth sinks a fly ball right into the cerebral cortex of Joseph Goebbels in this alternate universe where balls are the new phallic symbol.","date_published":"2014-09-28T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/458ec190-4804-4b89-b448-0e75f806f09d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22855929,"duration_in_seconds":1886}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/168850622","title":"Episode 55: Fist of the North Star","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/55","content_text":"Gather 'round and hear a tale of how two guys can't decide why they don't like anime.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGather \u0026#39;round and hear a tale of how two guys can\u0026#39;t decide why they don\u0026#39;t like anime.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Gather 'round and hear a tale of how two guys can't decide why they don't like anime.","date_published":"2014-09-21T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/8763113f-ef15-4a1e-8694-3b4f8737007d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23314721,"duration_in_seconds":1924}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/167828614","title":"Episode 54: Hydlide","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/54","content_text":"Cat*fish [kat-fish]: noun. 1. any of various fishes having a fancied resemblance to a cat. verb (used without object), verb (used with object) 2. Slang. to deceive, swindle, etc. by assuming a false identity or personality online: \"He fell in love with her online before he realized he'd been catfished.\" 3. Slang. to advertise that your game has sweet wizards and skeletons and then have the game not deliver on that promise. \"He fell in love with the box to Hydlide before he realized that the game inside was Hydlide.\"","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCat*fish [kat-fish]: noun. 1. any of various fishes having a fancied resemblance to a cat. verb (used without object), verb (used with object) 2. Slang. to deceive, swindle, etc. by assuming a false identity or personality online: \u0026quot;He fell in love with her online before he realized he\u0026#39;d been catfished.\u0026quot; 3. Slang. to advertise that your game has sweet wizards and skeletons and then have the game not deliver on that promise. \u0026quot;He fell in love with the box to Hydlide before he realized that the game inside was Hydlide.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Cat*fish [kat-fish]: noun. 1. any of various fishes having a fancied resemblance to a cat.","date_published":"2014-09-14T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2062c566-76de-4435-8beb-b64f4cf8d478.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19634271,"duration_in_seconds":1618}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/166772401","title":"Episode 53: Chex Quest","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/53","content_text":"GENERAL MILLS MEMORANDUM: All Staff. For several fiscal reporting periods, we've all felt the systemic pressure on the Chex brand that arises due to the close relationship between the corn-square vertical and the dairy vertical. If you will open the nearest box of Chex, you will see the results of our new corporate initiative to demonize milk and the phlegm it causes. And you'll also get 50 free hours of America Online.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eGENERAL MILLS MEMORANDUM: All Staff. For several fiscal reporting periods, we\u0026#39;ve all felt the systemic pressure on the Chex brand that arises due to the close relationship between the corn-square vertical and the dairy vertical. If you will open the nearest box of Chex, you will see the results of our new corporate initiative to demonize milk and the phlegm it causes. And you\u0026#39;ll also get 50 free hours of America Online.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"GENERAL MILLS MEMORANDUM: All Staff. For several fiscal reporting periods, we've all felt the systemic pressure on the Chex brand that arises due to the close relationship between the corn-square vertical and the dairy vertical.","date_published":"2014-09-08T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/98eb3d76-de19-48cd-bebe-c79d0186acbf.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":26630287,"duration_in_seconds":2201}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/165742866","title":"Episode 52: Bébé's Kids","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/52","content_text":"Job Posting: NEEDED - Tone Lōc Lookalike (or: Lōcalike). Does not need to sound like Tone Lōc, I will cover the auditory portion of the ruse. Need to handle infestation of Bébé's kids at my theme park. Will pay in funnel cakes and ride vouchers. Call between 7am and 4pm, ask for \"Rap Man\".","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJob Posting: NEEDED - Tone Lōc Lookalike (or: Lōcalike). Does not need to sound like Tone Lōc, I will cover the auditory portion of the ruse. Need to handle infestation of Bébé\u0026#39;s kids at my theme park. Will pay in funnel cakes and ride vouchers. Call between 7am and 4pm, ask for \u0026quot;Rap Man\u0026quot;.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Job Posting: NEEDED - Tone Lōc Lookalike (or: Lōcalike). Does not need to sound like Tone Lōc, I will cover the auditory portion of the ruse. Need to handle infestation of Bébé's kids at my theme park. Will pay in funnel cakes and ride vouchers.","date_published":"2014-09-01T11:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6a649c21-f52d-49de-84b9-1b34dc06ce45.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22640137,"duration_in_seconds":1868}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/164696292","title":"Episode 51: Psybadek","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/51","content_text":"Text found on a flyer of a Bronx corner store: \"HEY, YOU KIDS. DROP YOU'RE CYBADEKS AND STOP CONTRIBUTIN TO THE DEGRADATION'S OF SOCIETY. THE NEXT CYPADEK I SEE IS GOING RIGHT IN THE GARBAGE\" and then the rest is torn off.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eText found on a flyer of a Bronx corner store: \u0026quot;HEY, YOU KIDS. DROP YOU\u0026#39;RE CYBADEKS AND STOP CONTRIBUTIN TO THE DEGRADATION\u0026#39;S OF SOCIETY. THE NEXT CYPADEK I SEE IS GOING RIGHT IN THE GARBAGE\u0026quot; and then the rest is torn off.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Text found on a flyer of a Bronx corner store: \"HEY, YOU KIDS. DROP YOU'RE CYBADEKS AND STOP CONTRIBUTIN TO THE DEGRADATION'S OF SOCIETY. THE NEXT CYPADEK I SEE IS GOING RIGHT IN THE GARBAGE\" and then the rest is torn off.","date_published":"2014-08-25T10:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e3d6b1c6-5816-48f7-b9d7-97496c997f04.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":22160145,"duration_in_seconds":1828}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/163677862","title":"Episode 50: Bad Mojo","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/50","content_text":"We're tired of it. Being pushed around, look down upon, treated like garbage. One day, soon, we're going to... oh god, we're bugs now. Fortune, and good mojo, have ordained that our 50th episode be about a good game that one of us actually played to completion!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;re tired of it. Being pushed around, look down upon, treated like garbage. One day, soon, we\u0026#39;re going to... oh god, we\u0026#39;re bugs now. Fortune, and good mojo, have ordained that our 50th episode be about a good game that one of us actually played to completion!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Fortune, and good mojo, have ordained that our 50th episode be about a good game that one of us actually played to completion!","date_published":"2014-08-18T11:45:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0b774c8f-1495-472d-9544-ef16c81bb2bb.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":28160013,"duration_in_seconds":2328}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/162659357","title":"Episode 49: Darkwing Duck","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/49","content_text":"Script Treatment: Duck Generations. EXT. -- DAY: Donald, Scrooge, Darkwing, and Jason Alexander waddle into a liquor store, shades perched precariously on their bill. Each squawks incomprehensibly, as if trying to out-fury each other. ECU on a nervous clerk's face as they flock toward the corn liquor. The streets would be rowdy.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eScript Treatment: Duck Generations. EXT. -- DAY: Donald, Scrooge, Darkwing, and Jason Alexander waddle into a liquor store, shades perched precariously on their bill. Each squawks incomprehensibly, as if trying to out-fury each other. ECU on a nervous clerk\u0026#39;s face as they flock toward the corn liquor. The streets would be rowdy.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Script Treatment: Duck Generations. EXT. -- DAY: Donald, Scrooge, Darkwing, and Jason Alexander waddle into a liquor store, shades perched precariously on their bill. Each squawks incomprehensibly, as if trying to out-fury each other.","date_published":"2014-08-10T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4a24959f-6baa-49af-af99-a5790e25e34d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21425134,"duration_in_seconds":1767}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/161643568","title":"Episode 48: Toys","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/48","content_text":"Hey Robin Williams: You cool, dawg? Can't quite settle on a single voice there. We're on to your \"spaghetti against the wall\" garbage. Black preacher? So played, and kind of racist. Nobody actually remembers when you were any good at anything.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHey Robin Williams: You cool, dawg? Can\u0026#39;t quite settle on a single voice there. We\u0026#39;re on to your \u0026quot;spaghetti against the wall\u0026quot; garbage. Black preacher? So played, and kind of racist. Nobody actually remembers when you were any good at anything.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hey Robin Williams: You cool, dawg? Can't quite settle on a single voice there. We're on to your \"spaghetti against the wall\" garbage. Black preacher? So played, and kind of racist. Nobody actually remembers when you were any good at anything.","date_published":"2014-08-04T08:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/52f0a3cb-cba6-4ccd-b2e2-d1f3ea50aec1.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":20786243,"duration_in_seconds":1714}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/160633816","title":"Episode 47: Dudes With Attitude","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/47","content_text":"We were walking the perimeter of the Crick estate, shoring up the tree line and clearing brush. Michael kicked aside some beer cans, and chuckled quietly to himself. \"What's so funny?\" I asked, wiping my brow to keep the sweat bees at bay. \"Teens. It's always the teens\" he said, looking back to the compound. My time with Michael had been short, but I knew to let it go. He'd seen his fair share of dudes with attitude, and I could leave it at that.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe were walking the perimeter of the Crick estate, shoring up the tree line and clearing brush. Michael kicked aside some beer cans, and chuckled quietly to himself. \u0026quot;What\u0026#39;s so funny?\u0026quot; I asked, wiping my brow to keep the sweat bees at bay. \u0026quot;Teens. It\u0026#39;s always the teens\u0026quot; he said, looking back to the compound. My time with Michael had been short, but I knew to let it go. He\u0026#39;d seen his fair share of dudes with attitude, and I could leave it at that.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We were walking the perimeter of the Crick estate, shoring up the tree line and clearing brush. Michael kicked aside some beer cans, and chuckled quietly to himself. \"What's so funny?\" I asked, wiping my brow to keep the sweat bees at bay.","date_published":"2014-07-28T08:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/408b4706-8dcf-4051-9e40-d763290d2876.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":24002177,"duration_in_seconds":1982}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159639996","title":"Episode 46: Master Chu and Drunkard Hu","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/46","content_text":"Mark another tally up on the \"Canonical Worst Games\" wall. Odds are good we're going to clear this pantheon out. One day a hard rain is gonna come, suffering style.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMark another tally up on the \u0026quot;Canonical Worst Games\u0026quot; wall. Odds are good we\u0026#39;re going to clear this pantheon out. One day a hard rain is gonna come, suffering style.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Mark another tally up on the \"Canonical Worst Games\" wall. Odds are good we're going to clear this pantheon out. One day a hard rain is gonna come, suffering style.","date_published":"2014-07-21T09:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a9625536-00fb-43b9-b4c6-6942f025740c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":12653793,"duration_in_seconds":1554}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159323344","title":"Episode 45: Toilet Kids","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/45","content_text":"Wherein we consistently miss the easiest target.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWherein we consistently miss the easiest target.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Wherein we consistently miss the easiest target.","date_published":"2014-07-13T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5b932455-7df8-4ed4-8914-d0636bc2e6a7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":13575345,"duration_in_seconds":1669}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159323104","title":"Episode 44: Legacy of the Wizard","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/44","content_text":"Legacy of the Wizard is a good game. Listen to us talking about making No. 3.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLegacy of the Wizard is a good game. Listen to us talking about making No. 3.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Legacy of the Wizard is a good game. Listen to us talking about making No. 3.","date_published":"2014-07-06T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0211353f-3b8c-4553-957a-802dddffe24a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16065617,"duration_in_seconds":1981}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159322715","title":"Episode 43: Godzilla","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/43","content_text":"With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound he pulls the spitting high tension wires down. Helpless people ona subway train scream, bug-eyed as he looks in on them. He picks up a bus and he throws it back down as he wades through the buildings toward the center of town. Oh no, they say he's got to go. Go go Godzilla! Oh now, there goes Tokyo. Go go Godzilla! History shows again and again how nature points up the folly of men.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWith a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound he pulls the spitting high tension wires down. Helpless people ona subway train scream, bug-eyed as he looks in on them. He picks up a bus and he throws it back down as he wades through the buildings toward the center of town. Oh no, they say he\u0026#39;s got to go. Go go Godzilla! Oh now, there goes Tokyo. Go go Godzilla! History shows again and again how nature points up the folly of men.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound he pulls the spitting high tension wires down. Helpless people on a subway train scream, bug-eyed as he looks in on them.","date_published":"2014-06-29T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/a4b02737-f16a-4977-8ad0-08fd3a4f1dc5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":12659789,"duration_in_seconds":1555}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159322558","title":"Episode 42: Shadowrun","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/42","content_text":"Mediocrity is the most mortal sin of all. So we'll kindly excuse ourselves out the side door.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMediocrity is the most mortal sin of all. So we\u0026#39;ll kindly excuse ourselves out the side door.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Mediocrity is the most mortal sin of all. So we'll kindly excuse ourselves out the side door.","date_published":"2014-06-22T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/db47c6b9-40ba-406e-a9c5-b2bdf58ce024.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":13955560,"duration_in_seconds":1717}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159322312","title":"Episode 41: Cho Aniki","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/41","content_text":"This might be the third rail, but I'll bend over and take it. Spray your disapproval all over me if you must, but I believe, to the very last drop of my being, that we need more positivity in this world. If it has to come in the form of Cho Aniki, in its celebration of the male form, then sign me up.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis might be the third rail, but I\u0026#39;ll bend over and take it. Spray your disapproval all over me if you must, but I believe, to the very last drop of my being, that we need more positivity in this world. If it has to come in the form of Cho Aniki, in its celebration of the male form, then sign me up.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This might be the third rail, but I'll bend over and take it. Spray your disapproval all over me if you must, but I believe, to the very last drop of my being, that we need more positivity in this world. If it has to come in the form of Cho Aniki, in its ","date_published":"2014-06-15T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ea7322b3-0460-4e26-acb8-afb514c25736.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":14777799,"duration_in_seconds":1820}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159321936","title":"Episode 40: Strider","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/40","content_text":"Like thieves in the night, we assassinate a game that is misguidedly referred to as a \"classic\" by some poor souls who don't know any better.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLike thieves in the night, we assassinate a game that is misguidedly referred to as a \u0026quot;classic\u0026quot; by some poor souls who don\u0026#39;t know any better.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Like thieves in the night, we assassinate a game that is misguidedly referred to as a \"classic\" by some poor souls who don't know any better.","date_published":"2014-06-08T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/5be4900e-d272-4f13-a0f9-6d123655f031.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":14445709,"duration_in_seconds":1778}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159321671","title":"Episode 39: A Week of Garfield","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/39","content_text":"Being on a weekly format, we've had to cut some corners. Syndication is tough, so in order to keep our quality consistent (if mediocre), we've farmed the creation of these shows out to a network of corporate subsidiaries. Stay tuned for the reveal of Gary and Kole alarm clocks and calendars. It's a living!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eBeing on a weekly format, we\u0026#39;ve had to cut some corners. Syndication is tough, so in order to keep our quality consistent (if mediocre), we\u0026#39;ve farmed the creation of these shows out to a network of corporate subsidiaries. Stay tuned for the reveal of Gary and Kole alarm clocks and calendars. It\u0026#39;s a living!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Being on a weekly format, we've had to cut some corners. Syndication is tough, so in order to keep our quality consistent (if mediocre), we've farmed the creation of these shows out to a network of corporate subsidiaries.","date_published":"2014-06-01T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/05b4834b-a39e-4602-9286-3c84aecd33e9.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15401830,"duration_in_seconds":1898}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159321455","title":"Episode 38: Felix the Cat","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/38","content_text":"Come with us to a time before sound, when dancing cats were no longer condemned as signs of witchcraft, even though they carried bags of tricks. To a time where Kole, unstuck in time, actually liked Felix the Cat at a young age. To a time when we play an amazing platformer on this show that is ostensibly about bad games.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCome with us to a time before sound, when dancing cats were no longer condemned as signs of witchcraft, even though they carried bags of tricks. To a time where Kole, unstuck in time, actually liked Felix the Cat at a young age. To a time when we play an amazing platformer on this show that is ostensibly about bad games.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Come with us to a time before sound, when dancing cats were no longer condemned as signs of witchcraft, even though they carried bags of tricks. To a time where Kole, unstuck in time, actually liked Felix the Cat at a young age.","date_published":"2014-05-25T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/55070401-8bab-4038-a91c-f820675b9ded.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":12825938,"duration_in_seconds":1576}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159321242","title":"Episode 37: Superman 64","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/37","content_text":"Faster than a frightened cockroach. More powerful than my aversion to the sun. Able to disappoint your parents in a single loan. It's Superman 64!","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eFaster than a frightened cockroach. More powerful than my aversion to the sun. Able to disappoint your parents in a single loan. It\u0026#39;s Superman 64!\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Faster than a frightened cockroach. More powerful than my aversion to the sun. Able to disappoint your parents in a single loan. It's Superman 64!","date_published":"2014-05-18T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1189397c-11e5-4380-a1ce-cbff1d6ee429.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15113626,"duration_in_seconds":1862}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159321024","title":"Episode 36: Horse Isle - The Secret Land of Horses","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/36","content_text":"Jenni from Video Games Taco joins us to answer the most pressing question of our time: \"Is horses like cars but with meat?\"Special Guest: Jenni Polodna.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eJenni from Video Games Taco joins us to answer the most pressing question of our time: \u0026quot;Is horses like cars but with meat?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Jenni Polodna.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Jenni from Video Games Taco joins us to answer the most pressing question of our time: \"Is horses like cars but with meat?\"","date_published":"2014-05-11T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/21eb8b15-22e3-4da8-a57d-5da77031f796.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17836894,"duration_in_seconds":2195}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159320404","title":"Episode 35: Samurai Ghost","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/35","content_text":"It’s strange but true, but customs that we attribute to a given locale often have shared roots. For example, did you know that seppuku and pumpkin carving come from the same, misguided place? Listen to the end to find out!\n\nWe are joined by Riff from Video Games Hot Dog. Follow him at @rifflesby.Special Guest: Riff Conner.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt’s strange but true, but customs that we attribute to a given locale often have shared roots. For example, did you know that seppuku and pumpkin carving come from the same, misguided place? Listen to the end to find out!\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWe are joined by Riff from Video Games Hot Dog. \u003ca href=\"http://twitter.com/rifflesby\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eFollow him at @rifflesby\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Riff Conner.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It’s strange but true, but customs that we attribute to a given locale often have shared roots. For example, did you know that seppuku and pumpkin carving come from the same, misguided place? Listen to the end to find out!","date_published":"2014-04-27T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2296150b-6537-4b02-a3df-3e9f3f394ab0.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17318790,"duration_in_seconds":2137}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159320199","title":"Episode 34: Harley's Humongous Adventure","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/34","content_text":"There are many ways in which a man can be small. Let's take stature as a given. There's also pettiness, deceit, closed-mindedness... All of these diminish us. What else diminishes us? Shrink rays of our own design. We already live in an alien world, we just don't have the perspective to appreciate it. Additionally: These cans with articulated lids don't speak with H. Jon Benjamin's voice, and jetpacks are compromised grappling hooks.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere are many ways in which a man can be small. Let\u0026#39;s take stature as a given. There\u0026#39;s also pettiness, deceit, closed-mindedness... All of these diminish us. What else diminishes us? Shrink rays of our own design. We already live in an alien world, we just don\u0026#39;t have the perspective to appreciate it. Additionally: These cans with articulated lids don\u0026#39;t speak with H. Jon Benjamin\u0026#39;s voice, and jetpacks are compromised grappling hooks.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There are many ways in which a man can be small. Let's take stature as a given. There's also pettiness, deceit, closed-mindedness... All of these diminish us. What else diminishes us? Shrink rays of our own design.","date_published":"2014-04-13T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/34bb5292-89a1-4259-a7e8-a269ef7cf204.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":14661853,"duration_in_seconds":1805}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159319961","title":"Episode 33: Body Harvest","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/33","content_text":"In the long view, the Ninentdo 64 might be Abject Suffering, the system. In our initial estimate, the NES seemed like the most fertile and hateful ground... but the N64 is a remarkable moment in history where everyone's reach exceeded their grasp. Example: Body Harvest, an open world game that came out almost a decade before open world games were good. But someone had to be first, right?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIn the long view, the Ninentdo 64 might be Abject Suffering, the system. In our initial estimate, the NES seemed like the most fertile and hateful ground... but the N64 is a remarkable moment in history where everyone\u0026#39;s reach exceeded their grasp. Example: Body Harvest, an open world game that came out almost a decade before open world games were good. But someone had to be first, right?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In the long view, the Ninentdo 64 might be Abject Suffering, the system. In our initial estimate, the NES seemed like the most fertile and hateful ground... but the N64 is a remarkable moment in history where everyone's reach exceeded their grasp.","date_published":"2014-03-30T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/14ea25ea-f89f-468b-8278-8a9b759f7c2a.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":13929975,"duration_in_seconds":1714}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159319313","title":"Episode 32: King of Dragons","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/32","content_text":"We're not fond of turning nouns into verbs, but \"thrifting\" is to be considered a valid terminology for the purposes of this podcast. We're not proud, and we never said we weren't hypocrites. We also never promised to do things like \"actually talk about the game we're supposed to talk about\". That's your bad. You assumed that.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;re not fond of turning nouns into verbs, but \u0026quot;thrifting\u0026quot; is to be considered a valid terminology for the purposes of this podcast. We\u0026#39;re not proud, and we never said we weren\u0026#39;t hypocrites. We also never promised to do things like \u0026quot;actually talk about the game we\u0026#39;re supposed to talk about\u0026quot;. That\u0026#39;s your bad. You assumed that.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We're not proud, and we never said we weren't hypocrites. We also never promised to do things like \"actually talk about the game we're supposed to talk about\". That's your bad. You assumed that.","date_published":"2014-03-16T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/198937c7-aacc-4627-8765-bca5d9839e16.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18487826,"duration_in_seconds":2283}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159318969","title":"Episode 31: Episode 31: Ballz 3D","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/31","content_text":"Squares. Circles. Tetrahedrons. The stately geodesic dome. Icosahedrons. Cubes. Hypercubes. Sentient cubes. BALLZ.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSquares. Circles. Tetrahedrons. The stately geodesic dome. Icosahedrons. Cubes. Hypercubes. Sentient cubes. BALLZ.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Squares. Circles. Tetrahedrons. The stately geodesic dome. Icosahedrons. Cubes. Hypercubes. Sentient cubes. BALLZ.\r\n","date_published":"2014-03-02T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3a00832f-1ac0-44ee-a0e0-4fcc54bb3743.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17594554,"duration_in_seconds":2157}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159318867","title":"Episode 30: Cool World","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/30","content_text":"How does a person feel when they stare into the smoldering, waiting eyes of their creation? When it clambers for your attention... wanting love, wanting validation... wanthing to feel something, ANYTHING. That's how God feels about you ever day. God loves you. To death.Special Guest: Brayton Cameron.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHow does a person feel when they stare into the smoldering, waiting eyes of their creation? When it clambers for your attention... wanting love, wanting validation... wanthing to feel something, ANYTHING. That\u0026#39;s how God feels about you ever day. God loves you. To death.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSpecial Guest: Brayton Cameron.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"How does a person feel when they stare into the smoldering, waiting eyes of their creation? When it clambers for your attention... wanting love, wanting validation... wanthing to feel something, ANYTHING. That's how God feels about you ever day.","date_published":"2014-02-16T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/079514a5-af35-40f1-a090-54c876cbabaa.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19395832,"duration_in_seconds":2397}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159318386","title":"Episode 29: Yu-Gi-Oh!: Worldwide Edition: Stairway to the Destined Duel","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/29","content_text":"Not everyone knows the creation myth for anime. One day in a peaceful village in Japan, a truck carrying a surplus of decimal places from the war overturned, spilling extra zeroes and permanently altering the population. What was once 20 was soon 20,000. And so on, and so on, in kind. That's why everything in anime is predicated on shouting ridiculously high numbers... because the creators had no other choice.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eNot everyone knows the creation myth for anime. One day in a peaceful village in Japan, a truck carrying a surplus of decimal places from the war overturned, spilling extra zeroes and permanently altering the population. What was once 20 was soon 20,000. And so on, and so on, in kind. That\u0026#39;s why everything in anime is predicated on shouting ridiculously high numbers... because the creators had no other choice.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Not everyone knows the creation myth for anime. One day in a peaceful village in Japan, a truck carrying a surplus of decimal places from the war overturned, spilling extra zeroes and permanently altering the population. What was once 20 was soon 20,000. ","date_published":"2014-02-02T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/90cf0af5-63a7-4ed0-87f0-400f6614ab9e.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21637242,"duration_in_seconds":2677}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159318240","title":"Episode 28: Stone Protectors","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/28","content_text":"Stones are pretty neat. They have things to say about the world around us. Like Andy Dufresne once said, \"All it takes is pressure and time.\" Natural forces shape the elements of our world into beautiful crystalline forms that dazzle and delight. What stones can't do is support an entire multimedia blitz with bad puns related to (ugh) rock and roll.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eStones are pretty neat. They have things to say about the world around us. Like Andy Dufresne once said, \u0026quot;All it takes is pressure and time.\u0026quot; Natural forces shape the elements of our world into beautiful crystalline forms that dazzle and delight. What stones can\u0026#39;t do is support an entire multimedia blitz with bad puns related to (ugh) rock and roll.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"What stones can't do is support an entire multimedia blitz with bad puns related to (ugh) rock and roll.","date_published":"2014-01-19T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/0a53ce74-b690-4db4-9b78-1d507cd10ab7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18661496,"duration_in_seconds":2305}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159318088","title":"Episode 27: Scrapyard Dog","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/27","content_text":"Your average hot tub is kept at around 100 degrees farenheit. While many find this temperature to be pleasing on their muscles and soothing on their joints, what they don't realize is that this is also approximately the temperature of the inside of their buttholes. And, in fact, the act of sharing a hot tub with a group of strangers is a form of communal Butthole Soup Making. So, think about that next time you're in a jacuzzi.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYour average hot tub is kept at around 100 degrees farenheit. While many find this temperature to be pleasing on their muscles and soothing on their joints, what they don\u0026#39;t realize is that this is also approximately the temperature of the inside of their buttholes. And, in fact, the act of sharing a hot tub with a group of strangers is a form of communal Butthole Soup Making. So, think about that next time you\u0026#39;re in a jacuzzi.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"In fact, the act of sharing a hot tub with a group of strangers is a form of communal Butthole Soup Making. So, think about that next time you're in a jacuzzi.","date_published":"2014-01-05T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/4347aeac-822c-41de-8e04-1e00677fb6c4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21905898,"duration_in_seconds":2711}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159317811","title":"Episode 26: Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/26","content_text":"We might secretly like sports. Or, at least, Gary might. One imagines him as a closeted basketball hound, feverishly building brickets for his Springtime Fever league, going in on office pools to see which squadrons will tame the orange bounce.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe might secretly like sports. Or, at least, Gary might. One imagines him as a closeted basketball hound, feverishly building brickets for his Springtime Fever league, going in on office pools to see which squadrons will tame the orange bounce.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We might secretly like sports. Or, at least, Gary might. One imagines him as a closeted basketball hound, feverishly building brickets for his Springtime Fever league, going in on office pools to see which squadrons will tame the orange bounce.","date_published":"2013-12-22T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2f317095-e38e-4ddb-9a75-2e8c736aa29f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17047774,"duration_in_seconds":2103}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159317559","title":"Episode 25: Captain Planet and the Planeteers","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/25","content_text":"Captain Planet got a raw deal. Nobody knows why he woke up the way that he did, with a head shaped like a globe. You can't blame him for being bitter... a guy with a globe for a head walks into a bank, he ain't gonna get a small business loan. So he leans into it, hanging out with some teens by the Stop-n-Grab. They scour the gutters for bottles to deposit. Captain Planet takes a cut of the proceeds, and buys them all 40's of Old English to share. He sleeps in an unadorned firetrap apartment and no longer fears death.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eCaptain Planet got a raw deal. Nobody knows why he woke up the way that he did, with a head shaped like a globe. You can\u0026#39;t blame him for being bitter... a guy with a globe for a head walks into a bank, he ain\u0026#39;t gonna get a small business loan. So he leans into it, hanging out with some teens by the Stop-n-Grab. They scour the gutters for bottles to deposit. Captain Planet takes a cut of the proceeds, and buys them all 40\u0026#39;s of Old English to share. He sleeps in an unadorned firetrap apartment and no longer fears death.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Captain Planet takes a cut of the proceeds, and buys them all 40's of Old English to share. He sleeps in an unadorned firetrap apartment and no longer fears death.","date_published":"2013-12-08T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/9a1f4d19-5c90-4330-9662-569fa370cbc2.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17221034,"duration_in_seconds":2125}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159317110","title":"Episode 24: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/24","content_text":"We're surrounded every day by things that will outlive us. This glass, if it doesn't shatter, will probably be in a Goodwill long after I'm dead... helping some other soul drink water without getting their shirt wet. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are just like this glass. Once, they didn't exist. Then they started existing. And then they didn't stop existing. The NES game is an artifact of that violent cultural birth. Also, it doesn't really belong here, except it's kind of flickery and a little too hard.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe\u0026#39;re surrounded every day by things that will outlive us. This glass, if it doesn\u0026#39;t shatter, will probably be in a Goodwill long after I\u0026#39;m dead... helping some other soul drink water without getting their shirt wet. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are just like this glass. Once, they didn\u0026#39;t exist. Then they started existing. And then they didn\u0026#39;t stop existing. The NES game is an artifact of that violent cultural birth. Also, it doesn\u0026#39;t really belong here, except it\u0026#39;s kind of flickery and a little too hard.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are just like this glass. Once, they didn't exist. Then they started existing. And then they didn't stop existing. The NES game is an artifact of that violent cultural birth. Also, it doesn't really belong here, except it's kind of flickery and a little too hard.","date_published":"2013-11-24T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3b51a617-3926-4d76-80d2-db442706aabd.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":14401889,"duration_in_seconds":1773}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159316957","title":"Episode 23: Mission: Impossible","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/23","content_text":"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take this container of Vaseline, and smear it all over these Doritos. Just really get it in there. That's right. Rub it real good. Now stack them up and press your face into it. You deserve this, don't you? Welcome to the N64 club. Welcome to the new death.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYour mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take this container of Vaseline, and smear it all over these Doritos. Just really get it in there. That\u0026#39;s right. Rub it real good. Now stack them up and press your face into it. You deserve this, don\u0026#39;t you? Welcome to the N64 club. Welcome to the new death.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take this container of Vaseline, and smear it all over these Doritos. Just really get it in there. That's right. Rub it real good. Now stack them up and press your face into it.","date_published":"2013-11-10T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d8a57467-01a5-4b92-a260-7e4bcafd32d4.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19301815,"duration_in_seconds":2385}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159316613","title":"Episode 22: Friday the 13th","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/22","content_text":"If people don't stop having sex, then the human race is done for. The church has done all it can, but it's not enough. We must instead turn to our masked vigilante saviors to stop this sexy, sexy scourge once and for all. Jason Voorhees gets a pretty good start at Camp Crystal Lake, but I think I speak for everyone when I say \"He hasn't gone far enough.\"","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIf people don\u0026#39;t stop having sex, then the human race is done for. The church has done all it can, but it\u0026#39;s not enough. We must instead turn to our masked vigilante saviors to stop this sexy, sexy scourge once and for all. Jason Voorhees gets a pretty good start at Camp Crystal Lake, but I think I speak for everyone when I say \u0026quot;He hasn\u0026#39;t gone far enough.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"If people don't stop having sex, then the human race is done for. The church has done all it can, but it's not enough. We must instead turn to our masked vigilante saviors to stop this sexy, sexy scourge once and for all.","date_published":"2013-10-27T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/721a7d4b-475f-4027-8c8b-aafaefbfab98.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17415976,"duration_in_seconds":2149}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159316192","title":"Episode 21: Home Alone","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/21","content_text":"Home Alone was written by John Hughes. So were a bunch of other movies. He was a fixture, and then he just went away. Was he aware of this game? Did he conceive of the stereotyped mobsters that are in it? Were the giant spiders under the house the whole time... waiting? Who knows. Digital Daniel Stern will outlive us all.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHome Alone was written by John Hughes. So were a bunch of other movies. He was a fixture, and then he just went away. Was he aware of this game? Did he conceive of the stereotyped mobsters that are in it? Were the giant spiders under the house the whole time... waiting? Who knows. Digital Daniel Stern will outlive us all.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Home Alone was written by John Hughes. So were a bunch of other movies. He was a fixture, and then he just went away. Was he aware of this game? Did he conceive of the stereotyped mobsters that are in it?","date_published":"2013-10-13T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cb0d41f4-2fb0-45e7-a643-c358f9cfb73d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16857781,"duration_in_seconds":2080}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159315801","title":"Episode 20: Ren and Stimpy Space Cadet Adventures","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/20","content_text":"You've gotta love a good moral panic. Of all the things that were supposed to ruin me as a child, very few of them did. Instead they twisted me and shaped me into the man I am today... Simpsons fixations and all. What I should have been wary of was crass commercialism... an avalanche of shitty licensed GameBoy platformers that had little to no relation to their source material (or little to no relation to action games). How can you capture something as fucking nutso as Ren and Stimpy in a game? We spend about 35 minutes figuring out that you can't do it with a monochrome spaceship where Log attacks you.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eYou\u0026#39;ve gotta love a good moral panic. Of all the things that were supposed to ruin me as a child, very few of them did. Instead they twisted me and shaped me into the man I am today... Simpsons fixations and all. What I should have been wary of was crass commercialism... an avalanche of shitty licensed GameBoy platformers that had little to no relation to their source material (or little to no relation to action games). How can you capture something as fucking nutso as Ren and Stimpy in a game? We spend about 35 minutes figuring out that you can\u0026#39;t do it with a monochrome spaceship where Log attacks you.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"How can you capture something as fucking nutso as Ren and Stimpy in a game? We spend about 35 minutes figuring out that you can't do it with a monochrome spaceship where Log attacks you.","date_published":"2013-09-29T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/24bbb7d3-00ce-477d-943a-ee426dfd7786.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18435840,"duration_in_seconds":2277}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159315431","title":"Episode 19: Mohawk and Headphone Jack","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/19","content_text":"Let me tell you a few things about Michael Henderson. He's a Duckfeed.tv superfan who regularly contributes to our shows. He graciously backed the Watch Out for Fireballs! Kickstarter campaign. He's also a merciless, calculating miscreant who means only to do Gary and Kole harm. We're somewhat convinced that Michael designed Mohawk and Headphone Jack specifically to be as unappealing as possible. Good job, Michael. You broke us.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLet me tell you a few things about Michael Henderson. He\u0026#39;s a Duckfeed.tv superfan who regularly contributes to our shows. He graciously backed the Watch Out for Fireballs! Kickstarter campaign. He\u0026#39;s also a merciless, calculating miscreant who means only to do Gary and Kole harm. We\u0026#39;re somewhat convinced that Michael designed Mohawk and Headphone Jack specifically to be as unappealing as possible. Good job, Michael. You broke us.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We're somewhat convinced that Michael designed Mohawk and Headphone Jack specifically to be as unappealing as possible. Good job, Michael. You broke us.","date_published":"2013-08-28T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ba81afab-3a61-40a0-95f1-1def12137b79.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17193850,"duration_in_seconds":2122}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159315134","title":"Episode 18: Captain Skyhawk","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/18","content_text":"We don't contend with mediocrity that often. So far, the closest we got was Pac Man 2, and that doesn't really count since it's so weird. Captain Skyhawk doesn't really belong here. You fly around and shoot some aliens and stuff, you do a bunch of different kinds of missions, and the graphics aren't terrible. Instead of complaining, just have stories about Kole's childhood and Gary's balloon fetish.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWe don\u0026#39;t contend with mediocrity that often. So far, the closest we got was Pac Man 2, and that doesn\u0026#39;t really count since it\u0026#39;s so weird. Captain Skyhawk doesn\u0026#39;t really belong here. You fly around and shoot some aliens and stuff, you do a bunch of different kinds of missions, and the graphics aren\u0026#39;t terrible. Instead of complaining, just have stories about Kole\u0026#39;s childhood and Gary\u0026#39;s balloon fetish.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"We don't contend with mediocrity that often. So far, the closest we got was Pac Man 2, and that doesn't really count since it's so weird. Captain Skyhawk doesn't really belong here.","date_published":"2013-08-28T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/43f1a9a1-6cf3-4ef4-8600-338428f97fa7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15877886,"duration_in_seconds":1957}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159314228","title":"Episode 17: Bubsy II","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/17","content_text":"This is the singularity that happens when 1000 bad ideas try and cram their way into a premise that isn't promising. This is our first mascot platformer... any why not live life to the hilt?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThis is the singularity that happens when 1000 bad ideas try and cram their way into a premise that isn\u0026#39;t promising. This is our first mascot platformer... any why not live life to the hilt?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"This is the singularity that happens when 1000 bad ideas try and cram their way into a premise that isn't promising. This is our first mascot platformer... any why not live life to the hilt?","date_published":"2013-08-14T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/f8d33e82-f711-4275-913d-b7a1654e2f41.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":17477691,"duration_in_seconds":2157}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159313882","title":"Episode 16: Road Runner's Death Valley Rally","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/16","content_text":"Kole has become unstuck in time. This is the epicenter of his primary dissonance: how can he be a 26 year old man, but appreciate Road Runner cartoons and Nick at Nite? The only explanation involves temporal fuckery, and a holistic approach to why he is entirely out of touch with this modern American world. Dream on, and play a bad platformer, you pilgrim of the (pre)modern age.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKole has become unstuck in time. This is the epicenter of his primary dissonance: how can he be a 26 year old man, but appreciate Road Runner cartoons and Nick at Nite? The only explanation involves temporal fuckery, and a holistic approach to why he is entirely out of touch with this modern American world. Dream on, and play a bad platformer, you pilgrim of the (pre)modern age.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Kole has become unstuck in time. This is the epicenter of his primary dissonance: how can he be a 26 year old man, but appreciate Road Runner cartoons and Nick at Nite?","date_published":"2013-07-31T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/2d1a90ca-f618-4159-b63f-0a2ac6a8ea89.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18089969,"duration_in_seconds":2234}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159313622","title":"Episode 15: Where's Waldo?","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/15","content_text":"Saving Private Ryan started out as a Where's Waldo film adaptation. True fact. But Spielberg descended into the heart of darkness, gradually turning Martin Handford's whimsical vision into a twisted hellscape of severed limbs and broken hearts. This NES game is a re-telling of that re-telling.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSaving Private Ryan started out as a Where\u0026#39;s Waldo film adaptation. True fact. But Spielberg descended into the heart of darkness, gradually turning Martin Handford\u0026#39;s whimsical vision into a twisted hellscape of severed limbs and broken hearts. This NES game is a re-telling of that re-telling.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Saving Private Ryan started out as a Where's Waldo film adaptation. True fact. But Spielberg descended into the heart of darkness, gradually turning Martin Handford's whimsical vision into a twisted hellscape of severed limbs and broken hearts.","date_published":"2013-07-17T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/e3df01d1-ba53-486c-adaf-34f482806441.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16437949,"duration_in_seconds":2027}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159313243","title":"Episode 14: Michael Jackson's Moonwalker","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/14","content_text":"Michael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don't worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders. Got any suggestions for others?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eMichael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don\u0026#39;t worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders. Got any suggestions for others?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Michael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don't worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders.","date_published":"2013-07-02T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/1d670a57-8e1a-4537-8c25-57cfe8a33b01.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15746672,"duration_in_seconds":1941}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159312931","title":"Episode 13: The Uncanny X-Men","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/13","content_text":"It's an allegory for all of mankind's struggle for equality. What if you were born different? What if everyone was afraid of you? What if you were the worst NES game Abject Suffering has played yet?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s an allegory for all of mankind\u0026#39;s struggle for equality. What if you were born different? What if everyone was afraid of you? What if you were the worst NES game Abject Suffering has played yet?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's an allegory for all of mankind's struggle for equality. What if you were born different? What if everyone was afraid of you? What if you were the worst NES game Abject Suffering has played yet?","date_published":"2013-06-19T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/30220c81-a09b-41b3-bca8-ecd9f55234af.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15074878,"duration_in_seconds":1857}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159312508","title":"Episode 12: Spellcraft","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/12","content_text":"There aught to be a Chick Tract about Spellcraft. It tells you the reagents and processes necessary to do such awful things as Much to Stone and Return Home. What's this you say? You joust demons? I'll not hear of it. Wait... there's heartbreaking, regret-wracked love letters hidden in the code? Well... huh.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eThere aught to be a Chick Tract about Spellcraft. It tells you the reagents and processes necessary to do such awful things as Much to Stone and Return Home. What\u0026#39;s this you say? You joust demons? I\u0026#39;ll not hear of it. Wait... there\u0026#39;s heartbreaking, regret-wracked love letters hidden in the code? Well... huh.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"There aught to be a Chick Tract about Spellcraft. It tells you the reagents and processes necessary to do such awful things as Much to Stone and Return Home. What's this you say? You joust demons? I'll not hear of it.","date_published":"2013-06-05T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7a7c08ba-7e5f-4dac-adf6-560c2c54ee8d.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16892681,"duration_in_seconds":2084}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159312147","title":"Episode 11: Pac Man 2","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/11","content_text":"Routine errands beckon to you in a non-maze-like world. You are being mocked by a capricious god whose only mechanical means of influencing you are temptation and punishment. Can you feed your child and get to your finger-licious reward?","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eRoutine errands beckon to you in a non-maze-like world. You are being mocked by a capricious god whose only mechanical means of influencing you are temptation and punishment. Can you feed your child and get to your finger-licious reward?\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Routine errands beckon to you in a non-maze-like world. You are being mocked by a capricious god whose only mechanical means of influencing you are temptation and punishment. Can you feed your child and get to your finger-licious reward?","date_published":"2013-05-29T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b4ccbd20-5423-4f69-8f85-1d275d43cbe5.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15523828,"duration_in_seconds":1913}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159311711","title":"Episode 10: Wayne's World","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/10","content_text":"So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M\u0026amp;Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M\u0026amp;Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eSo there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o\u0026#39;clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M\u0026amp;Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn\u0026#39;t go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head \u0026#39;round the door, and mentions there\u0026#39;s a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it\u0026#39;s closed. So there\u0026#39;s me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they\u0026#39;ve got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that\u0026#39;s a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M\u0026amp;Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M\u0026Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.","date_published":"2013-05-15T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/7c176178-fcbb-4d8a-ac7f-078dcd762766.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":15858865,"duration_in_seconds":1955}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159311572","title":"Episode 9: Deadly Towers","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/9","content_text":"Dick Dagger: It's more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It's what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eDick Dagger: It\u0026#39;s more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It\u0026#39;s what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Dick Dagger: It's more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It's what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.","date_published":"2013-05-02T18:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cf249a56-0fc2-49f4-93cc-9811a5f6f16c.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":14137805,"duration_in_seconds":1740}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159311158","title":"Episode 8: Jurassic Park","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/8","content_text":"Hey there, Clever Girls... are you ready to have a prepubescent crush on Laura Dern? We thought so. There really isn't a great Jurassic Park game, but the Genesis one is made of human butt. And we don't care that you get to be a raptor, because that's the dream we live every night... as were-raptors.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eHey there, Clever Girls... are you ready to have a prepubescent crush on Laura Dern? We thought so. There really isn\u0026#39;t a great Jurassic Park game, but the Genesis one is made of human butt. And we don\u0026#39;t care that you get to be a raptor, because that\u0026#39;s the dream we live every night... as were-raptors.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Hey there, Clever Girls... are you ready to have a prepubescent crush on Laura Dern? We thought so. There really isn't a great Jurassic Park game, but the Genesis one is made of human butt.","date_published":"2013-04-17T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/d1ab8cfb-9116-46cb-9680-2dddee68d9a6.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16597809,"duration_in_seconds":2047}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159310650","title":"Episode 7: Home Improvement","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/7","content_text":"Auuegh!? What we need now is more power. Wilson is across the fence, and we should mow him down with our Binford=Taylor Hedge Trimmers, because that's the only way to the truth about what happened in my tragic head injury. Also, something about men and women being different, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas being the wellspring from which all fetish flows.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eAuuegh!? What we need now is more power. Wilson is across the fence, and we should mow him down with our Binford=Taylor Hedge Trimmers, because that\u0026#39;s the only way to the truth about what happened in my tragic head injury. Also, something about men and women being different, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas being the wellspring from which all fetish flows.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Auuegh!? What we need now is more power. Wilson is across the fence, and we should mow him down with our Binford=Taylor Hedge Trimmers, because that's the only way to the truth about what happened in my tragic head injury.","date_published":"2013-04-02T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/46c868b8-1e4d-4987-a7d9-f8ada4a06d50.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":21865982,"duration_in_seconds":2706}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159309682","title":"Episode 6: Shaq-Fu","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/6","content_text":"Shaq is baq, and he's on the attaq! Sucked into the Second World and tasked with saving a little Japanese boy, it's sure to be a shoq to his system. However, us qanny gamers will know how to guide him to victory against voodoo priestesses and, Carnage? I guess.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eShaq is baq, and he\u0026#39;s on the attaq! Sucked into the Second World and tasked with saving a little Japanese boy, it\u0026#39;s sure to be a shoq to his system. However, us qanny gamers will know how to guide him to victory against voodoo priestesses and, Carnage? I guess.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Shaq is baq, and he's on the attaq! Sucked into the Second World and tasked with saving a little Japanese boy, it's sure to be a shoq to his system. However, us qanny gamers will know how to guide him to victory against voodoo priestesses and, Carnage?","date_published":"2013-03-20T20:00:00.000-04:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/cd5f2711-1143-4628-848b-023c8c1e6626.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":23827865,"duration_in_seconds":2951}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/159309507","title":"Episode 5: J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Volume 1","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/5","content_text":"I don't remember the part of Lord of the Rings where Frodo got a sword that would turn things into skeletons... let alone, I don't think he had it in Hobbitton. But that's the least of our worries, as we try and ignore the bitchin' tunes and talk about how weird this action RPG is.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eI don\u0026#39;t remember the part of Lord of the Rings where Frodo got a sword that would turn things into skeletons... let alone, I don\u0026#39;t think he had it in Hobbitton. But that\u0026#39;s the least of our worries, as we try and ignore the bitchin\u0026#39; tunes and talk about how weird this action RPG is.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"I don't remember the part of Lord of the Rings where Frodo got a sword that would turn things into skeletons... let alone, I don't think he had it in Hobbitton. But that's the least of our worries, as we try and ignore the bitchin' tunes and talk about ho","date_published":"2013-03-06T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/b56648c2-3fca-45f6-8181-3dde8619f422.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18086013,"duration_in_seconds":2233}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/158874157","title":"Episode 4: Mike Tyson's Intergalactic Power Punch","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/4","content_text":"While just blog-checkin' on Tyson, we found this amazingly awful and weird game. Things take a turn for the serious as we talk about the ethics of professional sports, and how they relate to Space Jam. Is Noted Rapist Mike Tyson able to punch out the alien threat? We should find out. This podcast is dedicated to our collective dead Aunts. God bless, Jesus is Lord. Abject Suffering","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eWhile just blog-checkin\u0026#39; on Tyson, we found this amazingly awful and weird game. Things take a turn for the serious as we talk about the ethics of professional sports, and how they relate to Space Jam. Is Noted Rapist Mike Tyson able to punch out the alien threat? We should find out. This podcast is dedicated to our collective dead Aunts. God bless, Jesus is Lord. Abject Suffering\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"While just blog-checkin' on Tyson, we found this amazingly awful and weird game. Things take a turn for the serious as we talk about the ethics of professional sports, and how they relate to Space Jam.","date_published":"2013-02-20T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/91fb6dfe-a623-4bfa-9144-df6b9ae2c79f.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":19270917,"duration_in_seconds":2381}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/158873407","title":"Episode 3: Captain Novolin","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/3","content_text":"It's a dark night for the world... Mandatory Municipal Pepsi has rendered the entire population diabetic, and only one man, Captain Novolin can save us. Eat the good aliens, and avoid the bad, and hope to Christ that you have enough blood.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026#39;s a dark night for the world... Mandatory Municipal Pepsi has rendered the entire population diabetic, and only one man, Captain Novolin can save us. Eat the good aliens, and avoid the bad, and hope to Christ that you have enough blood.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"It's a dark night for the world... Mandatory Municipal Pepsi has rendered the entire population diabetic, and only one man, Captain Novolin can save us. Eat the good aliens, and avoid the bad, and hope to Christ that you have enough blood.","date_published":"2013-02-05T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/3564a957-c23b-47c4-a036-617a60c2be07.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":18227824,"duration_in_seconds":2251}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/158873077","title":"Episode 2: Kid Kool","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/2","content_text":"Kid Kool is here to teach you the ways of love, as he begins our long and fruitful affair with bad NES platformers. Have you been good? If you died today, would you go to Jump Heaven or Speed Hell? We will all be judged, abjectly.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eKid Kool is here to teach you the ways of love, as he begins our long and fruitful affair with bad NES platformers. Have you been good? If you died today, would you go to Jump Heaven or Speed Hell? We will all be judged, abjectly.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Kid Kool is here to teach you the ways of love, as he begins our long and fruitful affair with bad NES platformers. Have you been good? If you died today, would you go to Jump Heaven or Speed Hell? We will all be judged, abjectly.","date_published":"2013-01-23T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/6889cb4f-afa0-4033-af2c-bcce0b6bb4a7.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16153879,"duration_in_seconds":1992}]},{"id":"tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/158871817","title":"Episode 1: Revolution X","url":"https://www.abjectsuffering.com/1","content_text":"Living it up while you're going down? Picture Steven Tyler making a series of tuna fish sandwiches, while you're suffering through a pretty crappy light gun game. That's Revolution X. Gary and Kole aren't pleased, but we quickly get off the topic of this game, glowing green skulls and all.","content_html":"\u003cp\u003eLiving it up while you\u0026#39;re going down? Picture Steven Tyler making a series of tuna fish sandwiches, while you\u0026#39;re suffering through a pretty crappy light gun game. That\u0026#39;s Revolution X. Gary and Kole aren\u0026#39;t pleased, but we quickly get off the topic of this game, glowing green skulls and all.\u003c/p\u003e","summary":"Living it up while you're going down? Picture Steven Tyler making a series of tuna fish sandwiches, while you're suffering through a pretty crappy light gun game. That's Revolution X.","date_published":"2013-01-09T19:00:00.000-05:00","attachments":[{"url":"https://aphid.fireside.fm/d/1437767933/7f5440bc-5f40-44f3-85c5-856a02d2d07e/ae59b650-8976-44cf-b36a-58f90e486cd3.mp3","mime_type":"audio/mpeg","size_in_bytes":16145785,"duration_in_seconds":1991}]}]}